To of lost it with DH

DinaofCloud9 · 19/10/2025 10:27

Katemax82 · 19/10/2025 08:09

God why the hell do men do this? My husband is just as bad. If he washes up (we have 4 kids) it's "for me" etc. gives me the rage!!

Tell him not to.

grumpygrape · 19/10/2025 09:46

TwinklyStork · 19/10/2025 01:36

Yes it has, and it’s just an excuse.
It’s really not that difficult. Once the error is pointed out, stop doing it.

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You have made the error of thinking dyslexia is just an excuse and this has been pointed out to you numerous times but you aren't learning....
Pot - Kettle

Barney16 · 19/10/2025 08:14

Does he do the hoovering "for you". How did he qualify for a live in cleaner, cook and bottle washer? As others have said, just do your stuff and leave him to it. He's a twat.

Katemax82 · 19/10/2025 08:09

God why the hell do men do this? My husband is just as bad. If he washes up (we have 4 kids) it's "for me" etc. gives me the rage!!

Footloosefiona · 19/10/2025 07:47

ChikinLikin · 17/10/2025 07:57

My ex was the same. He wasn't a true partner, more like a grumpy lodger who complained if any demands were made on him. I should have split up sooner.

Been there, got that T-shirt. Then took it off because I was sick of wearing it !

99bottlesofkombucha · 19/10/2025 07:36

TwinklyStork · 19/10/2025 01:36

Yes it has, and it’s just an excuse.
It’s really not that difficult. Once the error is pointed out, stop doing it.

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Once many people have pointed out your phrasing and focusing on a tiny grammatical point when the poster is an upset woman struggling in her marriage means you aren’t coming across as a nice person, couldn’t you just stop doing it?

SandyY2K · 19/10/2025 05:39

HP200 · 17/10/2025 07:40

So back story DH and I both work him 5 days and me 4, we both get up at the same time. DH gets up and goes straight to work I do washing, walk dogs, tidy, kids lunch boxes etc and we walk in the door in the evening within 5 mins of each other. My ‘day’ off extra I go food shopping and do the house work and often move this day around to attend appointments for my SEN child.
DH loads the dishwasher and I do maybe 95% of cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing.
i was late home last night due to a hospital appointment and DH was cooking and had the hump so asked what was up, apparently I didn’t thank him for putting the bins out for me the day before. This is the second time in 7 years he has done this so I have done it every single other week. I pointed out in that case he owes me hundreds of thank yous and he doesn’t get a round of applause for actually doing something that is not ‘my job’ and he lives here too. I was then told I was moody and nasty so we spent the night in silence- AIBU for my response as he texted this morning to say that I was?

So he just loads the dishwasher abndyour do pretty much everything else?

He's gotten used to it because you've let him. He sees it as YOUR job, so he thinks he's done you a favour.

It's a poor show that he can't empty the bins consistently himself.

Happyjoe · 19/10/2025 05:28

TwinklyStork · 19/10/2025 01:36

Yes it has, and it’s just an excuse.
It’s really not that difficult. Once the error is pointed out, stop doing it.

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How unpleasant. TBF, I'd rather read someone's written errors than listen to folk lording it over and call dyslexia 'just an excuse'.

TwinklyStork · 19/10/2025 01:36

Ivelostmyglasses · 18/10/2025 14:27

It is perfectly understandable why it happens. For lots of people the spoken contraction "to've" sounds as "to of". Add dyslexia to the mix and pointing it out repeatedly can make very little difference. I am sure this has been pointed out to you, more than once too.

Edited

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Yes it has, and it’s just an excuse.
It’s really not that difficult. Once the error is pointed out, stop doing it.

ZXZXZ6789 · 18/10/2025 15:07

Lordy me, what a thicko.

So the bins don't get taken out by the "bin fairy", someone has to do it, but somehow he didn't realise that you did all of the cleaning, washing, ironing, shopping, making beds etc etc -

Some days I just thank my lucky stars about being divorced.

Actually, every day

Original poster

HP200 · 18/10/2025 15:01

He was confused about how much I actually do in a day- like dusting, cleaning hand rails, skirting boards, wiping down the ridiculous white kitchen he picked, washing x 3 loads most of these things for some unknown reason reason his brain clearly does not see however I now realise it’s probably because I have just always done them so it’s time he understands

OP posts:

ZXZXZ6789 · 18/10/2025 14:55

Well played @HP200 !!!

Another one asking though - what exactly was he confused about?

MagicLoop · 18/10/2025 14:37

TwinklyStork · 17/10/2025 14:33

It really isn't. Has it occurred to you that perhaps people who struggle to process things visually might have problems reading it themselves? A massive wall of text with no punctuation, paragraphs or capital letters is horrible to try to read, and more often than not that's what's lurking behind a thread title like this. I'm certainly not going to waste my time looking at three screens' worth of word soup and neither should anyone else have to. That's why people don't click on thread titles like that, it's nothing to do with snobbery.

There's really no excuse for making this error. Everyone knows it's "have", it's pointed out every single time someone does it.

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You don't understand why it might be difficult for some people to avoid make mistakes like this, but you're berating others for not understanding why it might be difficult for some people to understand posts with less than ideal SPaG, punctuation or layout? Does that not strike you as a little hypocritical?

MagicLoop · 18/10/2025 14:32

What bewildered and confused him? The fact that you had made a list? Or the sheer number of tasks on there that you do (which presumably for some reason he hadn't realised you do, or was happy pretending he didn't realise you do)? Either way, he's either pretty dim or he knows full well that you do loads more than him and he's fine with that, because secretly he thinks it's all 'women's work'. My money is on the latter, because nobody is that thick.

Ivelostmyglasses · 18/10/2025 14:27

TwinklyStork · 17/10/2025 14:33

It really isn't. Has it occurred to you that perhaps people who struggle to process things visually might have problems reading it themselves? A massive wall of text with no punctuation, paragraphs or capital letters is horrible to try to read, and more often than not that's what's lurking behind a thread title like this. I'm certainly not going to waste my time looking at three screens' worth of word soup and neither should anyone else have to. That's why people don't click on thread titles like that, it's nothing to do with snobbery.

There's really no excuse for making this error. Everyone knows it's "have", it's pointed out every single time someone does it.

Show quote history

It is perfectly understandable why it happens. For lots of people the spoken contraction "to've" sounds as "to of". Add dyslexia to the mix and pointing it out repeatedly can make very little difference. I am sure this has been pointed out to you, more than once too.

Firedrink · 18/10/2025 14:23

Good for you.
He's a loser though.

ChaToilLeam · 18/10/2025 14:20

Well done for getting him told, OP! Lazy, unappreciative men need a strong dose of reality.

Ivelostmyglasses · 18/10/2025 14:16

Tireddadplus · 17/10/2025 21:44

I don’t directly ask for a pat on the head. It’s more subtle…eg when DW gets home i might say “I always forget how much noise a Dyson makes”. I haven’t stated that i’ve hoovered an insignificant area of the house…however i expect a compliment to follow. Men are weird.

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Does she say, "Oh, do it twice a day so you don't forget then."

Iloveacurry · 18/10/2025 14:06

Well done op. You might have to set up a reward chart for him!

DinaofCloud9 · 18/10/2025 13:50

HP200 · 18/10/2025 12:30

So I went full sarcastic last night and spent the day writing every single job I did and the time it took I then presented him the list when he arrived home. I explained that if a 3 minute job (the bins) was a thank you my 6 hours worth of jobs in one day need additional appreciation and praise- he was bewildered and confused.
Today he has actually got on with a house DIY job outstanding since February and cleaned up after himself - thinking a sticker might be called for 😂

I don't understand how he can be bewildered and confused? Is he completely thick?

AOIFEmissingUalways · 18/10/2025 12:31

HP200 · 18/10/2025 12:30

So I went full sarcastic last night and spent the day writing every single job I did and the time it took I then presented him the list when he arrived home. I explained that if a 3 minute job (the bins) was a thank you my 6 hours worth of jobs in one day need additional appreciation and praise- he was bewildered and confused.
Today he has actually got on with a house DIY job outstanding since February and cleaned up after himself - thinking a sticker might be called for 😂

A gold star 🌟 sticker 😆

Good for you! Now stick that list front and centre on the fridge as a daily reminder.

Original poster

HP200 · 18/10/2025 12:30

So I went full sarcastic last night and spent the day writing every single job I did and the time it took I then presented him the list when he arrived home. I explained that if a 3 minute job (the bins) was a thank you my 6 hours worth of jobs in one day need additional appreciation and praise- he was bewildered and confused.
Today he has actually got on with a house DIY job outstanding since February and cleaned up after himself - thinking a sticker might be called for 😂

OP posts:

Letsskidaddle · 18/10/2025 09:04

YANBU

You need to have a serious conversation with him to ensure all responsibilities — childcare, school runs, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. — are shared equally. Doing a bit more on your non-working day is fine, but not everything.

Make it clear that if you divorced, he’d be managing all of it alone.

When ex-DH and I split, the only extra task I gained was taking the bins out — I’d been doing everything else for years and was unappreciated. Don’t let that happen to you.

ZXZXZ6789 · 18/10/2025 00:46

Tireddadplus · 17/10/2025 21:44

I don’t directly ask for a pat on the head. It’s more subtle…eg when DW gets home i might say “I always forget how much noise a Dyson makes”. I haven’t stated that i’ve hoovered an insignificant area of the house…however i expect a compliment to follow. Men are weird.

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You are about as subtle as a brick.

"it's amazing how much that washing machine fits in!"

""Wow, has the dishwasher finished already! I have only just put it on it seems like"

"Goodness, that kitchen spray smells lovely, doesn't it!"

There you go, some more unsubtle phrases for your poor wife to hear.

Hopefully you will then say "Ouch, that copper pan really hurts when it's slung at my forehead"

DinaofCloud9 · 17/10/2025 22:22

Tireddadplus · 17/10/2025 21:44

I don’t directly ask for a pat on the head. It’s more subtle…eg when DW gets home i might say “I always forget how much noise a Dyson makes”. I haven’t stated that i’ve hoovered an insignificant area of the house…however i expect a compliment to follow. Men are weird.

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Men aren't weird. You're just an idiot. Stop blaming it on being a man.