DP upset with me after I made a comment about money - AIBU

You are not financially compatible, so long term this relationship is unlikely to work.

Money is one of the biggest reasons why relationships don't work so it's really important to be on the same page as a partner if you want it to be a good relationship.

If you can't even talk about money except when he is asking you to lend him an amount most teenagers could probably come up with, it doesn't look good.

I'd be really concerned about an adult man who spent to the point he was looking to borrow £20.

“we don’t live together or share finances yet.”

Tip tip - make that “never”

It’s only £20 this time but a few twenty quids make £100 very quickly and a couple of hundred quid is a night away or a nice new coat.

There's 'not having savings' - so no ability to afford, say, a new car/washing machine/kitchen/holiday - and there's having absolutely no money so he has to bum £20 off you. He doesn't just 'not have savings', he's shit with money.

Stop lending money to someone who has no understanding of his own finances. Someone who borrows regularly but can’t be bothered to get a refund because he’s a lazy git.

Do not ever have dc, move in together or share finances!

Why don't you 'not talk to him'? I am starting to do this with people now. I treat them the same way as they treat me.

How long have you two been together that he’s not embarrassed to ask for money?

What a prick. 'if it's nothing sunshine how come you're always cap in hand to me for money before payday?' I'd just forget about dating someone like that seriously.

Interesting how £20 isn't much when he has to do something to sort it and get it back to you, but is totally necessary and can't wait when he can borrow it from you...

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

I’m not too worried about how he spends his money as we don’t live together or share finances yet

Please keep it this way.

There's always the risk that he's training you to agree with him that £20 isn't a lot of money so he can make you look unreasonable for insisting he pay it back. He's sulking because you wont go along with it. Is he coercive in other ways?

Don't move in with this man. He's a red flag.

I’m sorry, call me materialistic but I could not be with someone so skint they were asking for handouts on the regular , doing nothing to help themselves, other than stick their hand in my pocket. Massive ick.

In the words of Jack Nicholson, he "Can't handle the truth."
You stating the facts and weren't being horrible at all.

The question of money aside, that could be an indication that you are not allowed to suggest an opposing point of view without him giving you the cold shoulder, to teach you not to do it again.

It may be early days and the first time this has happened and he's been particularly stressed that day, it's not clear from your post, but its something you should be on the look out for as if this continued into the relationship you could end up watching him do biggert things you really disagree with and end up having to tip toe gently around not really saying what you think in order to not trigger the cold shoulder reaction. This might be an early indication of how he might be used to handling arguments.

On the money question, he's now become used to asking your for regular smallish amounts. He's paying back, which is a good sign, but He doesn't seem particularly grateful or keen to avoid asking by delaying the purchase by a week (if that's when he said he could pay you back). Maybe he knows he was wrong and that's why it offended him, again that's not a great basis for solving arguments.

It really depends if he's in this position because of reasons like

• bad management
• poor attitude to money
• never bothered to build up savings.
• wants things he can't afford
• has built up considerable debt for some reason not related to necessity.

But if its the first set, then I wouldn't be happy about how relaxed he is about making you his regular go to ATM top up on an ongoing basis. You are not his Mum. He's said he thinks these small amounts are nothing but you'd need to keep a close eye on the amounts getting bigger over time, and if you think he's getting more used to and starts saying "but its only £100 or but It's only £500 for a holiday" and onwards.

Gamer, gambler or drinker. Which one is he - all three maybe?

Not financially stable. I wouldn’t be joining finances with him ever.

Up to you if you want to continue the relationship. Personally I probably wouldn’t as it’s too different a mindset to mine - I save a lot for emergencies and avoid borrowing money.

I weigh up all purchases before buying.

It's not even that he has no money (though that's bad enough), it's that he's broke AND doesn't care. He will waste borrowed money.
That's a huge red flag. You will never be able to rely on him for anything

No you made a valid point and he showed why he doesn’t have any money

He's doing you a HUGE favour if he's not talking to you less to discuss and less of his crap to move out of your place no doubt.
Bye Joe, shut the door on the way out.

An employed grown man should have access to enough credit (overdraft facility, credit card) to sort himself out with £20 until payday.

He's financially incontinent. Get rid.

His reply was “what’s the point it was only £20”. I said he could sell it for a tenner and he came back with “a tenner is nothing”.

He can say that when it's HIS money, but it's YOUR tenner, YOUR £20 not his!

Run for the hills.

Strongly agree, and I am quoting because this post made me think of a friend's partner.

He was made redundant 2-3 times, had very little income and is awful at managing his money. For some reason, she is prepared to look past this and shoulders most/all of their financial organisation.

After the last redundancy, she encouraged him and subsidised him while he retrained and set himself up in his own business, to the tune of 12k. They were both clear that this was a loan, and that she was expecting repayment.

However, as soon as his business started making a profit, he was very hesitant to pay her back. He said, "I'll pay you back when I have 12k, I don't deal in small potatoes".

They sorted it out - God only knows how she has the patience - and he did agree to pay her in installments, however I know that I could never, ever support this level of fuck-wittery or disrespect had I supported someone.

Incidentally, if he pays for renovations to the house or advances the money for a holiday, he insists that she sign an IOU...

He is conditioning you, £20 every so often and paid back quickly but eventually he will ask to borrow much more and you will never see a penny of it back. He doesn't earn what he says he earns and he is not who he seems.

RUN!!! 🚩