Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Terrified. Please reassure me

82 replies

SterlingSR · 16/10/2025 21:39

My (now ex) DP has made my life hell since I was about six months pregnant. Baby is now 1.5. He became an alcoholic, I asked him to sleep in a spare room, then he became addicted to porn which culminated in him seeing a prostitute (or probably more). I found out six months ago; he came clean and swore to change, started therapy and AA. For the past three months he’s been addicted to Call of Duty. A few days ago I unplugged it and when he saw, he smashed it to pieces, broke furniture and punched a hole in the wall, whilst screaming insults and threats at me.

I’m getting away as soon as I can. He terrifies me and he will want to harm me for taking away his child - but he’s negligent with her and barely bothers. She hates him.

Am I likely to get a non-molestation order granted?

Can I insist on supervised contact only?

I am absolutely terrified that our child will come to harm as a result of his negligence or because he wants to hurt me. He has EOWE for his older kids but they’ve been primarily looked after by me for years, there’s three of them so safety in numbers and they’re old enough to tell someone if he hurts them. My baby isn’t.

Please tell me we will be protected by the law. I feel like maybe I should stay until she’s older so she never has to be alone with him.

OP posts:
grumpygrape · 16/10/2025 22:00

OP, listen to the professionals and people on here. Nobody is telling you to stay.
Leave
LEAVE
LEAVE

SterlingSR · 16/10/2025 21:59

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 16/10/2025 21:58

Yes, I would also report the wall smash to the police (i wish i did when my ex did) I think that would help with non mol. So they can get evidence of the damage before you move out. There is also something called an occupation order I think that means you get to stay in the home if you want to? With these accusations it would definitely be supervised only at first but there is always a move towards unsupervised if they are passing alcohol hair strand tests etc … hopefully by then your child will be less vulnerable as able to speak more . Gather as much evidence as you can and don’t let him know you have any plans to leave

I am afraid to report it to the police as I understand they would decide to question him, and this would make things worse at home and/or tip him off about me leaving.

I was thinking I could tell my GP? I took photos.

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 16/10/2025 21:58

Court would be a long process

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 16/10/2025 21:58

Yes, I would also report the wall smash to the police (i wish i did when my ex did) I think that would help with non mol. So they can get evidence of the damage before you move out. There is also something called an occupation order I think that means you get to stay in the home if you want to? With these accusations it would definitely be supervised only at first but there is always a move towards unsupervised if they are passing alcohol hair strand tests etc … hopefully by then your child will be less vulnerable as able to speak more . Gather as much evidence as you can and don’t let him know you have any plans to leave

SterlingSR · 16/10/2025 21:54

Thank you, I have spoken to the Domestic Violence Helpline and FLOWs. They’ve told me what to do (leave, apply for a non-molestation order and don’t allow visitation until there’s a court order).

I’m just not sure what would happen next. If I’d be forced to let him take her for whole weekends I think I’d rather stay here. I can stand up to him but she can’t.

OP posts:
RoseAndGeranium · 16/10/2025 21:50

I’m sorry, I know nothing about the legal position. But I read your post and I couldn’t just leave without saying anything at all. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I really hope you’ll be able to get away somewhere safe soon and that you’re able to keep him away from your toddler. I’m wondering, and I’m sure knowledgeable people will soon be able to tell you, if there are charities that could provide you with free and confidential advice. Good luck OP x

FastFood · 16/10/2025 21:49

You need to get out now.
The only organisation name I can think of is Women's Aid, but I'm sure other PPs will have other organisations. You'll think about the legal aspect of it later, when you're safe.

Please get you and your baby to safety.