If you ask your DH/DP to stop doing something, do they?

I have read and said this, he's adamant it's wrong. He's in a kind of related trade so gets very tetchy. I don't care how he does it but I won't change my method, and when he starts removing things I walk away and tell him thanks for taking over.

I have a very rock n roll lifestyle 😅

😂😂😂😂

Men can be children!

Honestly it depends what is the subject for mine…took me years for him to stop some stuff only to start new ones 🥸

I am pretty sure he does the same 😏

Apparently dishwashers work better with debris on the plates. Something about how the detergent is designed to work.

My husband would never treat any of my stuff badly like the example in the OP.

We do have a reoccurring argument over the dishwasher, though. He says I don't clean the stuff sufficiently before loading. There's no food debris, plates are rinsed. it's cups that have had coffee/juice that we clash over. I say his way is inefficient (using loads of hot water and scrubbing everything). The argument happens when I'm loading the dishwasher and he starts inspecting the cups and taking them out.

He also claims not to like chocolate but eats mine

My DH used to leave his running shoes just outside the front door and I would always trip over them {there's a step down).
I was constantly either moving them or tripping over them. In the end I said that the next time they tripped me up I'd throw them into the hedge. I did. He stopped. But that only works if your DH has just developed a lazy habit, not if he's an abusive bastard.
In your case I'd be getting my ducks in a row.

My kids' dad wouldn't even acknowledge (apart from sometimes to argue about how right he was and how wrong I was) that I had spoken. Sometimes he'd stare at me as though he could see my mouth was flapping but I was speaking Icelandic or something. Because he did not see any reason why he should stop or start doing something, after all, it was only me being inconvenienced...

Oh my gosh sorry to hear it but also glad I’m not the only one

Yep, this is my husband exactly. Let's say it really puts a strain on things (from my point of view anyway) and does often make me wonder if I can live with this for the rest of my life!

Well, it depends what it is. With the example you gave about the face cream, yes, I’d ask him not to do it and he would stop doing it.

I think some things that people ask their partners not to do are just a case of one person trying to impose their arbitrary choice on another with no regard for the other person’s equally valid preference, though.

😂He's still alive - to my knowledge! He's lucky! Worst thing is, he had his own computer, but his game ran slower on it, so he decided to use mine instead! Honestly he is a pig - he will never change!

If you start chucking his shoes outside he might get the message

No, my ex wouldn't ever stop anything I asked him to stop: randomly using my toothbrush instead of his, even after I labelled it, for example, and plenty of other much more serious things that tanked our relationship. One of the main reasons he is an ex, and he was warned many times. If he was doing something I could see was about to cause an imminent/urgent problem - about to cut through a wire or dislodge crockery etc - he would still not stop, even if begged, until he saw the problem himself. He would also be angry with me for asking him to stop.

No

Kind of depends on the 'thing'.

There are some things we do different ways and I find it annoying when he does something one way but he finds it annoying that I do it my way. In those circumstances, no he wouldn't and neither would I, because we both think our way is best. Just because his way annoys me, doesn't mean I'm right anymore than me doing something that annoys him doesn't make him right.

In your example about the face cream, that wouldn't happen because we respect each other's things and wouldn't use something that wasn't ours in the first place. I'm talking more about things like dish washer loading or pegging clothes out on the line or not putting fresh water in the kettle when you've emptied it, or not switching things off in the car before leaving it, type things where we just do things differently.

Mine still doesn’t put the toilet seat down despite me asking him repeatedly for years. He claims he forgets but I think he’s just being an arse.

That example you gave really shocked me. What a nasty spiteful thing to do.

Aw that’s a real shame. Are you planning on leaving him? Life’s too short for that pettiness and disrespect. What a pr*ck

Is ex husband now residing under a patio somewhere for deleting your novel? You're a bloody saint if you didn't kill him😂

With my ex-husband it was more a case of asking him to START doing things, like cleaning out HIS fish tank, running the hoover around the house, cleaning… well anything actually. The two times I asked him to stop doing something - well I told him NOT to put a tow hitch on my car because he wanted to tow his jet ski. I went away with work and when I came back he’d cut into the body-coloured bumper and got a parking ticket to boot. Oh and he deleted files off my computer because there wasn’t enough memory for him to play Medal of Honour. Oh that’s fine darling, you only deleted the novel I was working on… as I say, ex-husband. My last boyfriend however was a total lamb…

I feel your pain @Nonameagain31! I had a similar ex. I vowed after we separated that I would never pick up another man's socks off the floor ever again 😂. It is just ridiculous that grown men behave like this in shared spaces.

No and I am single now. My ex would not tidy up after himself and it was literally sole destroying to pick up dirty clothes off the floor everyday, to have to ask him to put away his clean clothes, not leave shoes on the floor or wrappers / duty cups or anything else he couldn’t be bothered to put in the bin! Similarly we had lots of conversations about what tidying up after dinner looked like (not leaving dirty dishes, condiments on the table, the pans to ‘soak’ or dirty stagnant water in the sink)

I think it depends what it is - not using someone else's stuff seems easy to achieve. The myriad of specific ways that my DP likes things to be done I try my best but sometimes I don't have the time or I forget because I have a different way of doing things/don't particularly care because somehow despite my 'terrible' way of loading the dishwasher it still manages to clean stuff

My ex wouldn't do anything I'd request him to - which usually related to things that were basic consideration and should have been second nature (think - please don't leave puddles on the bathroom floor after you have a shower, or please can you use a toilet brush after you use the toilet etc). He refused to do anything that would mean he'd be changing his habits, and it would be a concession. He'd just say - why don't you use the other bathroom or lets have separate bathrooms. It was hugely passive aggressive. One of the many many reasons he's an ex.

My current DP is a sweetheart and a good sport - most of these things he does without my even asking him, and when I do ask him to do something, he will laugh and do it. It is just basic consideration when you share space with someone you love, no?

Well I don't have a partner but the ones I had (not at the same time!) would have stopped without a problem. They're grown ups, not toddlers or puppies.

And likewise, there were some stuff I did they didn't like, they told me and I stopped, et voilà, another case solved by communication.

Unless its abuse like a PP, in which case we need to call the LTB intervention squad.

Yes because he's not 5