Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex wants to take DD (4) to Jamaica

186 replies

Butterfly789 · 16/10/2025 18:40

Hi, would be grateful to hear from anyone who has had any similar experiences:

My ex and I have a 3 year old. He walked out when she was 10 days old and since then I have been the primary caregiver. She sleeps over at his house every other weekend, and on the weeks she doesn’t sleep over, she just goes for the day on Saturday (hope this makes sense).

I have just had a call from his mom saying that they want to take her to Jamaica next August (she will be 4) to attend a family wedding.

I personally think she will be too young to go so far away, especially when she’s never even been abroad with him or spent more than 1 night with him. I have told him I would be more open to somewhere closer, like Spain for example.

AIBU?

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 16/10/2025 18:55

Butterfly789 · 16/10/2025 18:52

Spain is not a 9 hour flight away and a completely different time zone. With Jamaica, there’s also the risk he might not bring her back or will stay longer than initially planned as it is his home country and has his own house there.

Show quote history

They can't change the venue of the wedding to Spain.

How is your coparent relationship? Do have a reason to think he wouldn't bring her back?

SplendidUtterly · 16/10/2025 18:54

Owl55 · 16/10/2025 18:49

Will they bring her back?

That's what i was thinking too.

coxesorangepippin · 16/10/2025 18:54

Er, no??

NotoriousABC · 16/10/2025 18:53

What’s the difference between Spain and Jamaica? It’s not like you could drop by and pick her up from either place.

He’s her other parent and presumably it’s a wedding for her wider paternal family, I’d be more pissed off if she wasn’t invited.

Original poster
Butterfly789 · 16/10/2025 18:52

Starterlocs · 16/10/2025 18:50

Why would Spain be any better than Jamaica? Isn't the actual reason you're uncomfortable with this because he hasn't been consistently present in your DDs life and therefore you don't trust him to look after her for extended periods of time?

Is the wedding and accommodation at the same place? I.e is it one of those all-inclusive places with a wedding package, or is it happening somewhere else because they have close local ties?

I'd say by age 4 they can be a bit more independent but they need a trusted adult nearby. Perhaps work up to more days with her dad or alternatively go with her and chill somewhere else on the day of the wedding.

Spain is not a 9 hour flight away and a completely different time zone. With Jamaica, there’s also the risk he might not bring her back or will stay longer than initially planned as it is his home country and has his own house there.

OP posts:
EscapadeVelocity · 16/10/2025 18:52

Well you have nearly a year for her to become accustomed to spending a bit longer away from you.

(Generally on this sort of thread I’d knee jerk Not in a million years! - but if she has a Jamaican grandmother / other relatives she’ll be well taken care of.)

Really it’s a question of how happy you’d be for your ex to be responsible for her for a week or however long.

An alternative might be for you to go as well, independently - but that seems an unnecessary expense if you’re not involved with that side of her family.

WhywasIborntoolate · 16/10/2025 18:51

It might be memorable for your child but maybe for another day as I also think that she is too young and not used to travelling

MajorMerrick · 16/10/2025 18:50

I don’t see an issue tbh, she’ll be with her father. Unless there’s something you’re not saying, will they bring her home?

Starterlocs · 16/10/2025 18:50

Why would Spain be any better than Jamaica? Isn't the actual reason you're uncomfortable with this because he hasn't been consistently present in your DDs life and therefore you don't trust him to look after her for extended periods of time?

Is the wedding and accommodation at the same place? I.e is it one of those all-inclusive places with a wedding package, or is it happening somewhere else because they have close local ties?

I'd say by age 4 they can be a bit more independent but they need a trusted adult nearby. Perhaps work up to more days with her dad or alternatively go with her and chill somewhere else on the day of the wedding.

pizzaHeart · 16/10/2025 18:50

It does sound like too much at this stage. I would say no. Family wedding is very tiring event for any 4 y.o but in these circumstances in particular. And it’s not necessary for her to take part in it, the wedding will happily go ahead without your DD so I won’t buy any arguments that her presence is important.

Also there is always chance of him not coming back. A small chance but I wouldn’t take chances when it’s about my child.

Owl55 · 16/10/2025 18:49

Will they bring her back?

Swipe left for the next trending thread