Ex wants to take DD (4) to Jamaica

I think no because he doesn’t see her much now and she’s so young.

My friend had a kid with a guy and they split up when their kid was very young, neither went on to have any more kids and had an amicable relationship. My friend was always invited along to family trips to Nigeria when her kid was growing up - paid for by the exes family of course.

So both she and her kid got to experience and learn about Nigeria together which is great. She is so happy that her kid is very proud of her mixed heritage and knows a lot about her African side unlike many mixed race kids she knows from her town.

Is there any way your ex would pay for you to go as well? If you are open to going that is…

The vast majority of Caribbean grandmothers would want what is perceived to be a better life in the UK for their children and grandchildren.

Anyone could say they were Caribbean, as could I! I know for a fact that at least one of us would be telling the truth, and I don't know anything about you.

I also own property in the Caribbean, but I have ZERO intention of living there, or taking my children to live there.

I've tried Googling for these multiple cases from UK to Jamaica, but haven't yet found one... I'm not saying it's impossible, but only OP knows the family involved. If their lives are based here and they are of sound mind, the risk would surely be miniscule.

This was my first thought. And for that reason my answer would be a very easy "no fucking way"

No don’t let him.

Have they said what date?

If it’s the end of august could you make the excuse about starting school?

Or tell them that you’ve already booked to go away that week?
You could even say you’ll try and move it to give yourself some time to think about it.

I am usually one to say that dads should have equal rights to their kids but I wouldn’t be happy with this.
I assume they’ll be there for at least a week and that’s a long time to be away from home if she’s not used to it.

There is no way I would agree to this. Not at all.

OP, get your DC a passport and keep it safe.

Even if there was no risk of abduction, your child is likely to become distressed at some point. Why put her through that?

She is only four and so far has only stayed with her father for weekends In a familiar place. This would mean being away from her mother for a long time in a strange place. You don’t do that to a four year old.

So much depends on your child's personality and her relationship with her father (I know they have regular contact, but is it good, enjoyable, quality time? Does she enjoy his company?) but personally for me this would be a no.
She's so little and it is so far away from her home and her routines and there is such a huge difference between having her every other weekend for a day/night and taking her on a big trip with all the stress of travel and the unknowns that she will encounter i.e. new food, heat, hotel accommodation or alternative family accommodation.
It would be a lot for her even with you there for reassurance.
What is your gut instinct?

I'm Caribbean. It happens more often than you would think

What is your experience with Caribbean communities, or child abduction cases?

It doesn’t sound like he can be trusted.
Do you know more about him? Does he have a job to come back to? Does he have anything holding him to the UK?

At a minimum he should regularly have her for a whole week before taking her overseas for that long.

A 4yo needs to be watched carefully. Will he be careful enough not to let her drown in a pool? Get run over on the street? Put her in a car seat? Not let her choke? Remember to feed her? Protect her from dodgy uncles?

Let alone the risk that he abducts her to Jamaica.

This is such bad advice and you are so naive

No. Don’t do it.

How well do you get on with the grandma? Has the grandma always been involved? Tbh Jamaica is a long flight and you need 2 weeks really.

I would say no tbh.

Absolutely not . He has her once every 2 weeks for 2 days. 10 days is too much , only way I’d let her go is if he pays for you to go too but obviously stay in a hotel etc and not attend the wedding. That way you know you are bringing her back too.

I never had a PSO, but I did have it written in the CAO that my ex could not take our then 8 year old son to India for a holiday.
There posed no risk to him staying there (he has no Indian heritage), I just said it was too far and for too long.

If there was even a 1% chance he would not bring her back, then absolutely not. It would be a resounding "NO".

Do you think there is a real risk he won't bring her back? Has he been abusive in the past/failed to return your DD at the planned time? Do you think he really wants to be your DD's main carer (a lot of fathers wouldn't)? Does he have a job and assets in this country?

Unless there is a real risk that he won't return her, tbh I would be fine with this so long as he builds up to the trip by having your DD for a couple of longer stays in the UK.

I would not let her go. Only if you went with her and held onto the passport.

Hard no from me. Neither of my children would want to travel or be away from me for that period, and their father lives with them. Who has parental rights? If he’s insistent and can’t be dissuaded (and you can’t go too at his cost) then I would take it to the courts. They won’t want to risk that under their watch.

I don't think the distance is an issue, lots of kids go on long haul flights. It seems more the worry about being cared for, out of your control. If you have concerns about what has been suggested as being taken away to stay then get legal advice and steps put in place beforehand.

I think he should start having her to stay overnight and for a few days at a time and then assuming all goes well you can feel more comfortable about the trip for the wedding. If course if your have any reservations about him bringing her back then don't allow it.

Thank you, @CatsorDogsrule.

I honestly think it’s highly unlikely that the child’s grandmother, who clearly lives in the UK, would be countenancing a plot to steal the child away and keep her in Jamaica. (Not saying it’s impossible - but 🤷‍♀️)

What is your relationship with her, @Butterfly789?

I'd be worried that he wouldn't bring her back. I wouldn't risk it.

His mum asked you if DD could go?

Why didn't ex ask you? Do you communicate via his mum?

That would be another reason for no.

Assuming it would be for two weeks, that's two weeks with just two adults she knows but surrounded by a lot of strangers, as well as a big wedding ceremony. I think she would really miss you and would find it all too much age 4.

A weekend wedding in UK - I would be much more amenable to because of the distance and because you could come and pick her up if she was unhappy and its a much shorter time. But their proposal.. .just too young.