Page 4 | Ex wants to take DD (4) to Jamaica

Butterfly789 · 2025-10-16T17:40:43+00:00

Hi, would be grateful to hear from anyone who has had any similar experiences: My ex and I have a 3 year old. He walked out when she was 10 days old and since then I have been the primary caregiver. She sleeps over at his house every other weekend, and on the weeks she doesn’t sleep over, she just goes for the day on Saturday (hope this makes sense). I have just had a call from his mom saying that they want to take her to Jamaica next August (she will be 4) to attend a family wedding. I personally think she will be too young to go so far away, especially when she’s never even been abroad with him or spent more than 1 night with him. I have told him I would be more open to somewhere closer, like Spain for example. AIBU?

fireandlightening · 16/10/2025 22:24

CatsorDogsrule · 16/10/2025 22:03

It's not even a random holiday alone with the father, but with extended family including the grandmother who actually contacted OP for permission.

The father could go to court and might well be granted permission for this and more. I know that I would prefer to agree to this loving, family holiday for my child, with certain assurances including building up the length of visits, over a court order that takes it entirely out of my hands.

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First of all, 4 is very young to be away from the primary care giver for that length of time. She is likely to enjoy it a lot more when she is older and more independent. And, if this is a loving father/family there will be plenty of future opportunities for such trips.

Secondly, if the father goes to court for a specific issues order and gets permission to take the child, that would actually be legally hugely reassuring for the OP as the trip would be authorized (and restricted) by the court, so there would be very little risk the child would not be returned!

CatsorDogsrule · 16/10/2025 22:03

JHound · 16/10/2025 21:53

What does the distance matter? She is still away from you and him having to manage her alone?

It's not even a random holiday alone with the father, but with extended family including the grandmother who actually contacted OP for permission.

The father could go to court and might well be granted permission for this and more. I know that I would prefer to agree to this loving, family holiday for my child, with certain assurances including building up the length of visits, over a court order that takes it entirely out of my hands.

Shineonyoucrazy · 16/10/2025 21:57

He’ll have to arrange himself so he can have her for longer periods in the run up - it would not be fair to a 4 yo not to see her Mum for a couple of weeks all of a sudden.

JHound · 16/10/2025 21:53

What does the distance matter? She is still away from you and him having to manage her alone?

Catwalking · 16/10/2025 21:50

Digdongdoo · 16/10/2025 21:46

Unrelated person? OP said it's a family wedding.

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😳soz, thought OP said DD wasn’t blood related?

Shineonyoucrazy · 16/10/2025 21:49

Your DD has Jamaican heritage and has the right to get to know the place and her extended family. Her Dad would need to build up longer time with your DD between now and then. Get legal advice about what your/your DD’s rights if he did not bring her back - I think it’s classed as abduction.

Obeseandashamed · 16/10/2025 21:47

Butterfly789 · 16/10/2025 18:59

He can’t really up his contact with her as he lives quite a while away and isn’t able to have her in the week as she attends a nursery at a school and he wouldn’t be able to get her there.

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This puts a completely different spin on things. I would let her go and build up to it. He can’t take her out of the country for more than 28 days without consent anyway.

Gentlydoesit2 · 16/10/2025 21:47

Nope.

limescale · 16/10/2025 21:46

Dweetfidilove · 16/10/2025 21:38

It really is so ridiculous!

I agree about denying them of their heritage as well. Why on earth would you have a child with a man from a whole different country if you're always suspicious he'll run off with them, never to return?

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Op has only said it’s a concern of hers but hadn’t explained why.

Digdongdoo · 16/10/2025 21:46

Catwalking · 16/10/2025 21:41

It would be wise for DD to have vaccinations before travelling to Jamaica.
I’m not sure I’d want my child having these extra vaccines just for an unrelated persons wedding??🤔

Unrelated person? OP said it's a family wedding.

CatsorDogsrule · 16/10/2025 21:45

Catwalking · 16/10/2025 21:41

It would be wise for DD to have vaccinations before travelling to Jamaica.
I’m not sure I’d want my child having these extra vaccines just for an unrelated persons wedding??🤔

Unrelated?

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 16/10/2025 21:44

If dd doesn't even have a passport let him crack on and get her one. Will he even manage to do that? It's a bloody faff!!
And you have a year to get all the paperwork suggested uo thread in place.

ToLoseWeightAndNotMyMind · 16/10/2025 21:43

Ex took dc age 3 to florida for 3 weeks.

Catwalking · 16/10/2025 21:41

It would be wise for DD to have vaccinations before travelling to Jamaica.
I’m not sure I’d want my child having these extra vaccines just for an unrelated persons wedding??🤔

Dweetfidilove · 16/10/2025 21:38

Digdongdoo · 16/10/2025 21:33

Why do these threads always jump to "he won't bring her back"? Based upon what? Has he given any indication at all that he wants to steal her away? Did you expect your half Jamaican child to never visit Jamaica? Because you really can't deprive a child of heritage and family based upon baseless fears you didn't have until someone on mumsnet said it.

It really is so ridiculous!

I agree about denying them of their heritage as well. Why on earth would you have a child with a man from a whole different country if you're always suspicious he'll run off with them, never to return?

Digdongdoo · 16/10/2025 21:33

Why do these threads always jump to "he won't bring her back"? Based upon what? Has he given any indication at all that he wants to steal her away? Did you expect your half Jamaican child to never visit Jamaica? Because you really can't deprive a child of heritage and family based upon baseless fears you didn't have until someone on mumsnet said it.

Dweetfidilove · 16/10/2025 21:32

I didn't realise child abduction was such a huge problem in Jamaica 😢.
Most Jamaican men I know, and I know plenty, are not looking to go back until retirement.
I also know the grandparents and family would most likely be taking the child back to bebraised here. Of the many children born to Jamaican parents / fathers I know, they go for holidays and come straight back.
Presumably the father has a solid base here and isn't looking to go back just to spite the OP.

CatsorDogsrule · 16/10/2025 21:24

Jamaica does appear to be party to the Hague Convention from 2017.

Nelly91 · 16/10/2025 21:23

I would say no

ItWasTheBabycham · 16/10/2025 21:20

Honestly, my first thought was “will they bring her back” and so many other PPs have said the same scrolling through the answers. OP, even you e said there’s a doubt in your mind. Please don’t do it. Tell his mother, either you both go or neither of you go.

Optimist2020 · 16/10/2025 21:20

@Butterfly789 My family are Jamaican. My partner and I took our son when he was 3 months old and 3 years old to Jamaica .

Your child would only be allowed to stay in Jamaica for 3 months , however if you are worried about her returning back to the UK, do you have details of your ex partners address ?

Although I have taken my son twice

anyix · 16/10/2025 21:15

If I trust and I’m comfortable with his parenting, and trust his mother, I’d probably let her go. Would be a good experience for her. Ask all the questions you need to ask that would help you feel comfortable

fireandlightening · 16/10/2025 21:14

Do you have a CAO in place, or is this an informal arrangement? Is Jamaica one of the Hague Convention Countries? I would not send my child overseas in these circumstances -there is a risk that they would not bring her back, and even if it is a small risk, do you want to take that chance?

Diblin93 · 16/10/2025 21:13

Absolutely not. He might not bring her back.

Neodymium · 16/10/2025 21:13

id be wary of child abduction too. Does he have e a job and house in the UK? Does the grandmother live in the UK?

Also, if he did refuse to bring her back could you afford to fly there and go to court to get her returned?