Ex wants to take DD (4) to Jamaica

It doesn’t answer the question though.

It’s fine if he will be with family. If she is so worried about her child going to see her Jamaican family then she should not have had a child with a Jamaican man.

No way would I let him take her especially if he plans to go off resort! It's a dangerous place.

You’ve jumped onto the mumsnet hysteria

if he wanted to take your daughter he’d of done so by now in the UK not in his home country. He’s on the birth certificate so has full parental rights.

have a talk an actual talk and see if he’s actually going and as it’s grandma that’s asked not him.

Explain your fears and ask for him to build on his every fortnight with her too.

she’ll be going to school soon too so bare in mind.

Quite apart from the abduction risk, I just wouldn't want to be that far away from my young child - if she falls ill or has an accident, I would want to be there and she would want you there.

Completely agree with @MimiGC

Ok, it seems that they "not coming back" wasn't your main concern, but the length and distance were? Maybe MN jumped on the international abduction because it was the only part where we had enough to go with.

What length are we talking about?

Does his mother live in the UK and does DD know her well?

I'd still start with him getting DD for a 3-4 days in the UK.

He is not a responsible or reliable parent. He walked out on your daughter when she was just 10 days old . Unforgivable in my book. He has subsequently moved a long distance away from his child, which again doesn’t suggest he is serious about wanting to develop and maintain a solid relationship.
It strikes me that he and his mother want to show off your daughter to the wider family and have them think of him as a good father. So, for all these reasons, and because your daughter shouldn’t be taken away from her primary caregiver for so long, it would be a hard no from me and I would take legal steps to prohibit it.

Far too long for a child of four, the flights too long, the length of stay too long, the amount of time away from you is too long. Knock it on the head till she’s a bit older snd understands.

If you're genuinely concerned he wants to kidnap her, why haven't you done anything about it before now? And why do you suppose he and his mum would ask you about it? Wouldn't they just get a passport and take her on his weekend?

But if you're both Jamaican, then I suppose there's no great need for her to go on this specific trip and you should work together on a plan to build up to more time with dad and his family.

And there’s nothing to stop him getting on Onward flight to Jamaica from Spain.

if your genuine feeling is she could not be returned then you need to speak to the proper authorities because he could book her a flight at any time. His he on the birth certificate and therefore has legal parental responsibility and is he a British citizen /dual nationality?

does your daughter have a passport or dual nationality?

If you honestly thing this is a possibility stop asking on mumsnet get proper legal advice

Honestly I understand all your concerns and my best proposal would be I'll come too but not to the wedding or any family events, I'll just stay close by so DD has her safe space and comfort with me. I think it's a wonderful experience for your DD which she will love but it will be so busy and kids that age do get tired and are prone to meltdowns when there's so much going on. Is her dad prepared to drop everything, not be drinking much to keep a close eye on DD and meet all her needs because she has to be his priority. And tbh if he doesn't see her that much, he's probably not that used to all this trip might entail. If it all gets a bit much for everyone, you can come pick her up. I'd do everything possible to go too.

It’s not about never letting her go on holiday with him.

But she’ll only be 4 and has never been away from her mum for more than 1 night.

Even a 3 day school trip would be a lot at that age if they’re not used to it.

Do you have a passport for her

Can't you go to Jamaica as well and just not attend the wedding?

I wish my XH would take our DC on holiday and support them to build relationships with their wider family and learn about their heritage.

So many posts where XHs are torn apart for going away with their new partners and other children/stepchildren and leaving their other child out. Don’t moan if this is what happens over the next few years because the ‘boundaries’ have been set out now by gatekeeping your shared child.

Apologies if the Hague confusion was from me, I added it as a point after someone upthread to me mentioned it as it's something that would concern me. As I was mning whilst waiting for a timer to go, I didn't google to check. Normally I would.

Hope the thread overall has been of use, OP. If your gut is saying no, listen to it.

What’s the difference? Other than a long haul flight, the time spent away from the main carer, the distance of the kid should need the mum?
TBH if it was 2 weeks in Spain it would be a no… a long weekend - sure.
What if he doesn’t bring her back? And why isn’t he talking to you rather than his mum

Hearing you’re both Jamaican heritage slightly changes some of what I said previously but I still maintain this can be resolved by you going over with her.

My worry isn’t the “abduction risk”, as I’ve never heard of this happening with Jamaican families, but more the fact she isn’t used to being away from you for so long and she’s still quite young.

Hard no

Not a chance!

I wouldn’t at this stage of where they are with contact say this is in her best interest? Let alone the abduction risk.

however if you think it is her best interest to attend… could you offer to fly out with her if he pays for it and he just takes her for the day of the wedding? Then you get a free holiday, stay in control of her passport and your child still gets to bond with her extended family etc but feels safe as she’s close go
yiu

She can say no but he can take her to court if he wishes.

I know someone who did this (exact same situation, different country), and he won the right to take his child abroad to his home country.

He did bring the child back!

Being on the other side of the planet from your little girl?? Nope. For her, the heat, the strangers, being away from mum etc could be frightening. Can you go too? Maybe stay in a hotel and share her care then she can just go to the wedding with him.

Ahhh my mistake. I looked it up before commenting but obviously didn’t do it properly.