Ex wants to take DD (4) to Jamaica

I see no probs here as long as you go to Jamaica too yourself only because he has her just 1-2 days a week. If it was 50-50 i wouldn't even be concerned...... as for abduction it's not going to happen with you in the same country.

I would say no unless you can be in Jamaica at the same time. They can take her to the wedding and to meet that side of the family but you will be there.
I think she will be too young to be apart from you for that length of time, especially in unfamiliar surroundings.

Forget the abduction talk, this is purely practical. ILs wanted to take DS on holiday when he was that age and we said no, not unless we came too.

i was leaning towards a “hell no” but with this update I’m going for “when hell freezes over will you take her out of the country”

I would never trust a man who walked out when his child was 10 days old! If he wanted to take his daughter to family weddings in Jamaica he should have worked harder on his relationship with the mother of that child.

Do you still have any family in Jamaica op. Is there any chance you could go over on a holiday that coincided with the wedding?

I have to say that I’m usually a “he’s a parent too” but something is giving me pause here - the fact he has a place there, the fact he walked out at 10 days old. I feel a bit hesitant here so I understand how you feel.

Can you go to Jamaica at the same time. Do you have relatives there you could visit and stay with. Your dd could meet more if her wider family if so

I think I need to retract my earlier post. Wait until they are 7.

I thought that also. Why did the mother ask and not the father? It reads to me that OPs DD and her father don't have a close enough rapport where he should be taking away on a long haul flight. It's something you have to build upto. Like a weekend away and so on.

My partners family is also Jamaican his advice is follow your instinct. Don't let her go and if she goes you go with her and stay in a hotel and go with her to the wedding.

His mum was kidnapped in Jamaica before she passed away 10 years ago wanting money. You're English and as far as they are concerned you have money to give to them. He just said to me "Don't be silly, I am Jamaican and I wouldn't even do it". He is going through probate and he was told to not go to Jamaica to fight for his share of his late mother's property. It will be another situation where you fear the consequences. He has to fight with a British solicitor here. This advice was given to him from people in Jamaica.

Your gut istinct is right to protect your daughter.

OP not sure why his mum asked you. But if you trust her and him then why not. If you don’t then don’t do it. If you say no he can force your hand to get a CAO in place which includes the right to take DC out the country for a few weeks consecutively.

A flight risk?

Have I missed the part where this child’s father has been named as an alleged criminal about to stand trial?

(Or is that being assumed based solely on his heritage?)

FFS.

At that young age and given he has her only alternate weekends, it would be a hard no from me. I wouldnt want her palmed off on relations she didn’t know.

I would take legal advice to prevent him taking her out of the country and most certainly if you considered him to be a flight risk.

If he’d proved to be a good stable presence in her life, then perhaps age 7 onwards

It’s next August - that is a lot of time for her to build up to spending more time with her dad. I know you mentioned she can’t do more overnights with him on a weekly basis but that doesn’t mean he can’t have her for long weekends or during school holidays (if nursery is term time). He could go to court to insist on holiday time.

I know he has property over there, but do you genuinely worry about abduction risk? What is his mum like, is she over here or in Jamaica? Involved in your DDs life.

Agree with this.

I took my Ds from Africa to the USA. 12 hour flight, for a week.

he was an angel on the flight, but he always did travel well.

@Butterfly789 if you’re worried about the trip and her being so far from you, go to Jamaica too, to support your ex and his family if they need it. You could stay somewhere and he could pick her I and take her to the family stuff, wedding etc and you can go have a break or visit your own family etc.

its good that he wants to do this, a 4yo is very different to a 3yo.

if you coparent well, work with him.

Jamaican grandmas over here in general are very protective of their family. Have known many Jamaicans. I speak as a white British person if this is relevant.

Mine went long haul with their grandparents from 2. They had an amazing time.

I did not realize it was 3 weeks sorry. I think 2 weeks is plenty for as long as you know they will be safely returned and have a British passport. Also you need to be rung twice a week at an agreed time within the different time zones.

Also where in Jamaica? I have been to Jamaica and it can be a dangerous place though that is more for the non natives to worry about.

I think most Jamaican grandmas over here in the UK wd have the sense to return their grandchild. My ex is Jamaican with French and I know and understand the culture over here quite well and a little bit over there.

No. I wouldn't be happy about this, given your personal circumstances.

While it’s more than a lot of dads manage but we all know the bar is extremely low.

How is it “loads” to spend 1-2 days of a 7 day week with your own child?

If a mother had their child for that amount of time would you call it seeing the kids “loads”?

The issue for me is a man going from seeing his kid for 1 or 2 days to having her for 3 weeks all in one go without her mother. Hence I think Op should go along too.

Could you go with them as support in case she is tired. She should be fine he's not going to run off with her and disappear. The law is 0 tolerance out there she will be fine.

I have no idea why people on this thread have been claiming the father does not see his daughter enough. He actually sees her every single weekend! This is loads. I think you should let her go. Just ensure she has a British passport in her own name first.

The distance is irrelevant as the child is too young to understand the concept of time and will probably sleep on the plane. The fact that it was your ex's mum who asked means she will have the support of grandparents and other wider family. She will be spoilt rotten by all the relatives and have a wonderful time.

However, I am sure it must be very hard to relinquish the responsibility and control when you have been sole carer for most of the child's life. So the main question here is not the distance or whether the wedding will be overwhelming for her, but what relationship should she have with her father and his family as she grows up?

If you think it is in her best interests to build a relationship with her father and his family, then you should consent. If you think it is not in her best interests to go, you must be prepared for a cooling off from his family and perhaps not such a great relationship with them as she grows up.

Who will be looking after her when they start drinking?

Honestly the most fascinating insight into how the entire country of Jamaica looks after its children …

Why did his mum told you about this and not your ex? I would not let it happen. Who will be looking after her when they start drinking? Or will her dad stay sober? She is in a strange to her environment far away from you, I wouldn't be happy at all.
And yes...will she come back is another worry

I would say No. she is too young. He does not see her enough to go so far away for a more extended time. I have a four year old granddaughter who lives round the corner and I see all the time, even then if she wakes in the night etc she wants her mummy. He is planning to taker to an unfamiliar place far away from her mummy and he doesn’t have that close a relationship with her. I’d tell him he will have to wait till she’s older and can decide for herself. Any slight fear that he would not bring her back would be enough to shut down the entire conversation for me