SIL asking I don't bring my nephew along to Centre Parc holiday trip

Your going with a child this time though? Your sister in laws child.... who is looking forward to spending time with you? Sounds like her mum wants the day to be focused on her DD with it being her birthday

Center parcs charge per accommodation not per person.

so any spare bed should absolutely be filled in my view.

however, for whatever reason, SIl is happy to pay for empty beds.

I suspect it’s like @CorvusPurpureussays and she has asked the child.

zero harm in you asking though

Your sister is seeing it as an important family bonding time. You are seeing it as a bit of a chore and possibly a boring trip.
But i think shes paying for the trip probably for the reason of giving her daughter the time to really spend time with the people your sister sees as important figures in her life. Why else would she do it? It's a trip to cement family ties and relations for her daughter.

SIL wants you to look after her daughter which you can’t do if your nephew is there.

I can’t believe you even thought suggesting this would be OK.

If the conversation isn't thrilling enough for you, the solution is not to take the free holiday. Not to invite another person.

I’m in California so I don’t know what Centre parcs are, but if I were paying and if somebody asked if they could bring one small child along to an already large group event - I just don’t see a problem - particularly when the person asking has no children and can supervise said small child.
But I also realise that what we do here and what you do there is very different.

I think if you politely asked and they politely declined — you have your answer.
I’m sorry, @Pline

And I in no way think you were being rude simply by asking politely.
You did ask politely, didn’t you?

This is one of my pet hates - people who get invited to something, then try and change it.

Someone organises an event, invites people, and then the guests try to change things.
”would you like to come to my wedding?”
”yes that would be lovely, can I bring my Mum too, she loves a good wedding”

”it’s my birthday, we’re going for a picnic, can you come”
”yes I’d love to, OK if I bring my dog?”

“I’m coming back to our home town for a few days, organising a meal out for the old gang, are you able to come?”
”yes, great, I’ll bring my new boyfriend”

Then suddenly one of the guests has made a subtle change to the dynamic, and the organiser feels guilty if they say no. Really pisses me off.

OP if you want to take your nephew to Centre Parcs, organise and pay for a trip yourself another time!

I disagree with everyone saying you’re rude. You only asked a question and your SIL gave you an answer, which you have accepted. No harm done. You didn’t play your face and cause a family rift, it was short and sweet and put to bed.
Enjoy your holiday!

“I would never have unilaterally decided to bring nephew without asking”

But you did “unilaterally” decide to ask. This is a family event for your side of the family - I can totally understand why SIL wouldn’t want your nephew, who is a part of your family, but not of hers. SIL not unnaturally wants it to be all about the birthday girl, her daughter, and doesn’t want her auntie occupied with another child whom she knows of, but doesn’t really know.

It was really poor form to ask them within the group chat.

Wow. So rude. I'm cringing for you.

You did nothing wrong by asking OP. Wanting to take your nephew in that situation makes complete sense. Unfortunately, as your SIL is paying and she doesn’t want to welcome another child because she wants all your attention on her daughter, you either have to play her game or not go.

I don’t think it was wrong of you to suggest bringing your nephew (as you said it is a child focused holiday so he could join in). I think your sil actually seems a bit presumptuous that you will be focused on her child. I’ve experienced being the childless adult in a group like this before and definitely feel there can be expectations! Feel like your sil saw her free babysitter slipping away!

Also how old are these children I may of missed.

but I wouldn’t want a random 15 year old boy on my paid for birthday treat, nor would I want a toddler adding extra chaos either.

sleeping over sharing a base is very different from seeing someone at a party for a couple of hours.

Sil is mean

I understand your rationale and I think, depending on your relationship and how you think they’d react, it’s not necessarily rude to ask to bring your nephew. The thing that strikes me though is “my SIL is planning a trip…” followed by “I asked my BIL if I could bring”. Maybe I’m picking up on the wrong thing here but if it is your SIL putting in the leg-work then maybe you should have asked her initially, not her partner.

Anyway, I think it’s most probably fine to ask but equally fine that they have said no. Hopefully no harm done due to the miscommunication between BIL and SIL and hope that nephew hasn’t been let down in all of this.

I think it was rude to ask- the implication being that you’re not happy with the people going so want to bring someone else- which is pretty much what you’ve said, you find it boring so thought it would be better with your nephew there. Asking on a group chat put them on the back foot.

On the being bored front -
I can totally see why it would not feel like a brilliantly appealing break for you if everyone else has kids. But the only time I've been to CP is for a spa break, and it was great. You say you like girly things like getting nails done - would booking some spa treatments make it more bearable?

He is not the birthday girl's family member. He's a boy she's played with a couple of times and is not, according to OP, a friend.

I get why you might be bored and while I think sucking it up a bit for your DH's sake is the better route unless there is a history of nastiness, I don't think it would be totally unreasonable of you to bow out. (And if you agree with those who think you're wanted as a babysitter, it might be an advisable).

However, asking to bring another person when someone else is paying tends to be pretty rude. Some families do have a more-the-merrier approach, but you'd have multiple similar examples if it were the case. On top of that, trying to bring an uninvited child who isn't related to the birthday girl to a celebration is, at best, inconsiderate of the child. Very few children really want a child who they haven't asked for, aren't that familiar with (and may not actually like) invited to their special event.

I wouldn’t have asked as it wouldn’t have even crossed my mind to bring a family member of mine to dh’s family members paid for birthday holiday. Even if they have played together once or twice.

Either accept the invite or don’t. Don’t try to add extras.

I love Center Parcs and don’t have children. I think it’s probably much more relaxing without them there to be honest. You don’t need a child with you to enjoy it, you’re being rude by asking if you can take someone else, unrelated - go and enjoy the time with your niece!

You sound like a special aunt to Ava, and she is looking forward to having special times with you.

You don’t have to have kids to enjoy Center Parcs!

I think accept SIL’s request graciously and say you fully understand.

But it’s not a “random child”! Ava and the child have played before. He is known to the SIL. He IS a family member in essence, both being niece and nephew.

@Pline I agree with some that the SIL sees you as the unofficial child sitter and wants you to be free and ready. Sod that for a lark. Do your own thing with your DH and have a great time.