SIL asking I don't bring my nephew along to Centre Parc holiday trip

I think yab a bit u

Your sil wants her daughter to have a nice time with you - whatever you do with her. She doesn't want a kid there who's essentially pretty random. Not to you obviously, but quite random to them.

SIL is paying. Just go along and enjoy yourself.

If there is a spare room why aren’t they getting a smaller lodge?

Which Center Parcs are you going to? You can always leave the site if you are bored and explore the local area

I think it was perfectly fine to ask and a lovely gesture. You could always offer to pay for your nephew’s accommodation but I wonder if your SIL wants all the attention to be on her daughter?

Yes, this. I don’t think you were rude to ask, because you thought it would also be nice for your niece who knows and likes playing with the boy. As well as it being better for you. And it’s a big group thing and there’s a spare room in your lodge. No problem asking.

But your SIL thinks it will be nicer for her birthday daughter if she just gets her lovely auntie by herself, probably niece is really looking forward to seeing you and spending some auntie / niece time together. Which is completely fair enough since it’s all for niece’s birthday.

I don’t think SiL would necessarily think you were being rude, just that it would be nicer for her birthday daughter if she had more chance of 1:1 time with you. It probably hasn’t occurred to her that you’d actually prefer to have an extra child with you - child free time is v valuable to a parent!

Maybe sil is hoping you will have Ava sometimes, do girly things with her and give her a break and if your nephew comes that will be harder.

Take a few books, a tablet with some downloaded shows, and enjoy some downtime when Ava is otherwise occupied!

But why can't you just play with your niece and the other children while you're at the pool? I think it's very rude to think you could include your nephew when you're not paying. Just because there's a spare room doesn't mean you have to fill it. It's not your families celebration.

If she’s paying respect her wishes or don’t go

I think you need to say very clearly that you don't like The Daily Mail and consider them to be a malevolent force, degrading journalism to gossip and spiteful rants, and all the other tabloid papers too, or they'll slap this on their website.

That's if you would be bothered by that?

However, your SiL's reason - that you spend time with a niece doing nails etc - is weird.

I think she’s been put on the spot - by OP’s request and her DH’s saying yes - and was looking around for a nice way to say “no - I really don’t want you to bring some random child on a family trip for my DD’s birthday that I’m paying for…..”

This is always my objection to the “no harm in asking”.brigade - it puts someone on the spot and in the position of being the bad guy and saying “no way”. So they have to manufacture an excuse because it seems so aggressive just to adopt the “no is a complete sentence” type of approach.

I accidentally clicked on YANBU, but you are being unreasonable. Your nephew is not related to the rest of the family and he wasn't invited. However, your SiL's reason - that you spend time with a niece doing nails etc - is weird.

I don’t think you were rude, especially if there is going to be a spare room lying empty. I have a DN (by marriage) who adores me which is lovely but suffocating on long weekends away as DN doesn’t give me a moment alone. It’s not fun being the only non parent when everyone is doing family stuff or the practical daily activities associated with having children.

Also not sure why everyone keeps referring to your nephew as a random. I’m assuming he is know to your DH’s family through your family events. I know my DN’s cousins on the other side of their family well. I also grew up going to events with my cousins’ cousins including holidays so it’s not a weird request. Although they have said no now and probably won’t change their minds so it’s not worth causing conflict over.

I'm assuming they are accepting just to be nice. That would be the case for me. And as I understand, there would be no extra charge for them to bring an extra child, so they thought it would be ok to ask. Not a huge issue in my eyes.

That’s good then as the OP WANTS to have a child to look after whilst there.

I think the main problem is you asking in the group chat. You (or your DH as it’s his family) should have asked discretely to give your SIL a chance to think about it or decline outside of the group chat without it being awkward.

Well no-one's forcing them to accept.

I just think if the OP thinks it's an ok thing to ask, she should've done it in private.

Not rude at all

Yes, they are paying for everyone, but to be honest, a pretty dull and as OP said, claustrophobic trip for a young child free couple. Who are going to be nice to their niece.

Sil has you down as her dd's main carer for the holiday. Doesn't want you distracted with another dc..

I would not want some unrelated kid along on our family trip. Your nephew is your family, not theirs, it would be really weird to take him. They will be expecting you & your DH to spend time with the family, your nephew is a random extra child they barely know, they won't want him there.

I find your thinking a little odd…like everyone else has a ‘pet’ child to bring with them, so you want one too? Surely the joy of being child-free is that you don’t have to do all the kids’ activities, can offer help if you fancy but equally have adult time too?
It’s like you want to take a child along for status…

I don't think anyone did anything wrong. You asked politely. SIL refused and gave you an honest reason. Its the very model of healthy adult communication. All that remains now is that you accept her response with good grace. I imagine she told Ava what you'd suggested and the child expressed her disappointment at not having you to herself. Hence the change from BiLs initial answer.

Also how old is your nephew? If you thought CP was boring without kids, wait until you have to supervise a small child in the boiling hot pool area all day long and on any other activity you choose to book him on (all of which are £££)

Don’t think I’d be going, or if I did because not going would cause a war, I’d go but book adult activities. No way would I be childcare.

Amen!