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AIBU?

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Original poster

SIL asking I don't bring my nephew along to Centre Parc holiday trip

359 replies

Pline · 16/10/2025 17:57

SIL has arranged a big birthday trip for her eldest daughter to Centre Paris. They are being very generous and paying for our accommodation. There will be around 15 of us all together including grandparents. Dh and I don’t have children so CP isn’t exactly somewhere we would choose to go but we enjoy the family and wish to participate in the celebrations. I thought it would be nice if I brought my own sister’s child. I felt I would feel like a bit of a spare part if I didn’t have anything to do iykwim. My nephew is a lovely, cute boy. And the same age as the birthday girl. They have played in the past but don’t live close so aren’t friends or anything. Both children are sociable and well behaved.

I asked in the group chat if that would be okay. SIL’s husband said “absolutely the more the merrier”. But I just got a message from SIL asking I don’t do so. I’ve asked why and she said Ava (SIL’s daughter - not real name) is very fond of you and would like to spend time with you. Ava is a little clingy to me. I enjoy it. She is a girly girl and I enjoy make up, nails etc which Ava’s mums not so into. Ava is always making about my perfume, lipstick etc.

Am I being exceptionally rude? I just thought it would be a nice thing to do. And the spare bedroom will go empty which is a bit of a waste. I feel like most people would not care. I will of course spend plenty of time with Ava but I have been to Centre Parcs before and I thought having someone else to focus on would make the time a little less…boring.

But obviously SIL is paying. So maybe I am being . rudeUnintentionally.

OP posts:
PollyBell · 17/10/2025 07:18

No way would have asked this, but as it is your sil birthday it ia up to her no one else

Go or not but i cant beleive you thought this was a good idea

ThisChirpyFox · 17/10/2025 07:14

Pline · 16/10/2025 18:02

Well I did ask and was told it was fine by BIL. I would never have unilaterally decided to bring nephew without asking

Edited

But you also asked in a group making it awkward for them to decline.

And as you keep bringing up but you'll be bored then you could have either taken things to keep you occupied or not accepted the invitation and saved your sil money. Your DH could stayed with you or gone alone - to which I suspect you would have had a problem with that too.

Doodlingsquares · 17/10/2025 07:12

Tbh even if you were paying yourself i think its really odd to want to take your nephew from your side to a family get together of your DH's side of the family!

This child isn't related to any of them, why would they want him there presumably they dont know him very well, have they even ever met him?? I can entirely understand why your SIL feels this way, it would be like being on holiday where a random child you dont know attached themselves to your group all week and wouldn't go away.

Not really sure what you were thinking tbh OP, and it must be so obvious you prefer your nephew and want to spend the time with him.

PrancingBean · 17/10/2025 07:03

Grammarninja · 16/10/2025 19:11

Asking can be very rude. Have you heard of a 'brass neck' ? Asking always implies that you think it is a reasonable request. It's then on the other party to confront you with the fact that it's not or go along with it to avoid confrontation. It puts a relationship under strain.

Show quote history

That sounds like a tricky way to live. I go in with thinking my ask is reasonable and their no is reasonable. Neither one is objectively reasonable. I find it easy to say no though, which I think probably helps. It means people can always trust my yes.

Different strokes and all that.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 17/10/2025 07:03

Wow the comments that OP is rude are hilarious. It was just an ask and it is pretty rude for SiL to suggest she is doing a nice thing when in fact she is putting the OP in a position of not being able to escape!
OP, can use her words to say no too Sounds like an invitation not a summons

Kidsgotothatschool · 17/10/2025 06:49

I’m actually confused that anyone thinks you can just sneak an extra child in for no extra cost at centre parcs?! it’s never worked like that.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 17/10/2025 06:44

Wow the comments that OP is rude are hilarious. It was just an ask and it is pretty rude for SiL to suggest she is doing a nice thing when in fact she is putting the OP in a position of not being able to escape!
The ‘flattering’ that the girl likes spending time with her ‘fun Auntie’ is so clearly going to lead to the OP doing a lot of things with this child. No child need the undivided attention of an Auntie by marriage for a whole weekend however that is what the SIL wants.

Also the nephew is not a total random - he is more related to the OP than the SIL kid and they have all met before and the children have played together.

I would either be booking an extended visit to the Spa or not going. I wouldn’t want to be forced to play with a child in this sort of situation. Playing a bit during visits is one thing but this sounds full on if the SIL doesn’t want the OP to be at all distracted.

3luckystars · 17/10/2025 06:29

Unbelievable

There is no way you got invited on a free holiday for a child, and you asked if you could bring another child that you kinda prefer.

There is no way anyone would do this.

mrschocolatte · 17/10/2025 05:02

Your nephew sounds a bit young to be taken away from their parents for a weekend, to spend time with a load of strangers? I loved babysitting my nieces and nephews when they were little. But, a whole weekend without their parents there to step in would have been a bit too stressful for me and them no doubt!

JMSA · 17/10/2025 03:27

Really unreasonable, sorry. It’s not for you to decide who goes, especially as you’re not paying your own way.

opencecilgee · 17/10/2025 02:43

is the birthday girl only 4?

What a lot of expense.

I highly doubt the birthday girl would care about an extra kid. Actually kids rather spend time with other kids than “girly time” with adults.

Ivy888 · 17/10/2025 00:49

op, your sister’s child is not part of this family. It’s weird to bring him.

Dontbeme · 17/10/2025 00:46

This birthday break sounds like hell on earth to me OP. I would be catching a bug and letting SIL know that she needs to entertain her own child.

Zodiacrobat · 17/10/2025 00:43

No5ChalksRoad · 16/10/2025 19:47

I don't know anyone who would raise a child who thinks she can dictate what adults do and don't do, and how much attention an adult pays them.

Or who thinks that just because it's her birthday, a group of 15 people must dance to her tune 24/7.

Show quote history

Now you’re just being ridiculous. No mention of dictating anything! Just a niece wants to spend time with fun auntie that’s all.

Zodiacrobat · 17/10/2025 00:38

ShesNeverSeenAShadeOfGray · 16/10/2025 19:23

I don't think you were wrong to ask.

I also think I'd decline since SIL said no.

But that's me.

Would you really be such a drama llama? Put a massive strain on family relationships with that snub, risk the contact with niece going forward, just because SIL said no to a very cheeky request in the first place when she’s paying?
Jeez.

Zodiacrobat · 17/10/2025 00:32

ladycarlotta · 16/10/2025 19:13

I don't think you're the childcare. I think you're the fun auntie the birthday girl is excited to spend time with. If you turn up in loco parents to another child, you don't get to enjoy the same unencumbered fun auntie time. I imagine both niece and nephew might feel cheesed off and territorial.

I really think it's fair enough. It's the birthday girl's special weekend, you can't just bring extra people.

Agree with this.

Gymnopedie · 17/10/2025 00:28

If it was me I would spend a LOT of time in the spa or doing some racket sports. But I get it’s not everyone’s idea of fun.

The problem with this (and similar posts) is that it is going to take away from OP's 'girly' time with the birthday girl. Is that going to be just as much of an issue for the SIL as bringing another child? It does depend on how much time and attention OP is being expected to give.

And OP only says that SIL (and presumably BIL) are paying for the accommodation. If they were covering all the expense for food, activities etc wouldn't the OP have said so?

TheAquaPoster · 17/10/2025 00:28

As she’s paying for everyone (which must of cost her a fortune) then no I wouldn’t have asked I would have felt a bit cheeky asking. However if you were paying for yourselves I would have taken him. However her financing the the whole break then she has every right to say no

AllFadestoBlack · 17/10/2025 00:24

I understand your reasoning OP and I personally wouldn't mind you bringing your nephew.

What I do find odd is a paid for extended family trip to centre parcs for a 4/5 year old's birthday. Is the whole trip about the birthday girl, will you be allowed to do things without her or the group. I can see why you'd be bored.

Sharptonguedwoman · 17/10/2025 00:24

Checkcheckout · 16/10/2025 18:00

Hmm I think if they’re paying then they get to choose who comes. BTW there’s loads to do at CP without kids, you’ll have a much better time without having to look after a small child. Although it does sound maybe like SIL is planning on you doing some childcare for her own child?

This. SIL would lose her babysitter.

MajesticWhine · 17/10/2025 00:20

It’s not rude to have asked but you have to accept the answer. The person paying has a certain amount of control.
If it was me I would spend a LOT of time in the spa or doing some racket sports. But I get it’s not everyone’s idea of fun.

QuayshhLawrain · 17/10/2025 00:18

I appear to be in the minority, but I don't think you were unreasonable to ask; it was a nice idea and I understand why you asked. Equally, your SIL is not being unreasonable to veto the idea; she's paying for the trip and wants her DD to be the focus, which is totally fine. You appear to have accepted your SIL's "no" @Pline, but I wouldn't be beating myself up for asking.

CarpetKnees · 17/10/2025 00:15

Yes, YABU and incredibly rude.

Do you also fall into the category of people who demand they can take other not-invited people to weddings too ?
Do you insist your dh goes to that lunch with the girls ?

Taking people from outside the group that is doing anything, completely changes the dynamic of the group.

No5ChalksRoad · 17/10/2025 00:09

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 16/10/2025 23:28

Maybe sil is hoping you will have Ava sometimes, do girly things with her and give her a break and if your nephew comes that will be harder.

Take a few books, a tablet with some downloaded shows, and enjoy some downtime when Ava is otherwise occupied!

It's pretty rude to invite someone without explicitly saying that they are getting their accommodation paid for because they are expected to be free childcare so mum can kick back and enjoy herself. Buttering OP up with the "Oh Ava loves you and your girly stuff..." is so transparently self-serving.

In OP's shoes I would come up with a work emergency, illness or other way to gracefully worm out of this. Let SIL find another free babysitter to take the room.

loveteandcake · 16/10/2025 23:58

I really wouldn’t care if you brought a child with you, they’ve paid for accommodation and bringing him will not cost them any more, I really don’t see the problem.