SIL asking I don't bring my nephew along to Centre Parc holiday trip

Is a bit rude to do that, under the circumstances …

If you’re not prepared to be a 24/7 babysitter for your niece please don’t go. That happened to me and I ended up spending all weekend pretty much alone with a 3 year old so everybody else could enjoy themselves.

Are you two the babysitters then

I fully understand, CP is my idea of hell.

For what is worth, I understand your reasoning and, given that we are talking about a well behaved young child and not some stroppy teenager, "the more the merrier" would have been my approach too if I had been your SIL. She sounds awful, sorry to say.

I certainly wouldn’t consider my sister in laws husbands, nephew’s family.

If I hosted an event they wouldn’t be invited. Not even on my radar because when would be meet really apart from sister in laws shared events.

If sister in law hosted I’d expect them to be invited as they are her family or her husbands at least. But she doesn’t host both side of family events so I wouldn’t even see them at her events.

First you put people in an awkward position by asking if an uninvited person can come. They've had to say no and by doing so look like the baddie.

And then you have the gall to ask why?!

I think it's a bit over the top / presumptuous to have a Centre Parcs trip for a child's birthday. Your time is valuable, even if they're paying for the trip. You're not a piece to be moved about on her chess board.

You could have said 'sorry, I'm looking after my nephew at that time, I can only come if he comes with me'

You probably can't do that now unless your sibling is admitted to hospital or something but worth bearing in mind for the next time they suggest something where you feel like a spare part.

I don’t know about nephews and nieces, I thought it applied to DC and DSC. For example I’d find it a bit weird if my SIL asked if her nephew whom I’ve met once could visit us for Xmas.

Yet elsewhere on Mumsnet one is contstantly reading about how when people get married they are "joining extended families together" as an excuse for demanding that kids be invited to weddings and receptions.

If OP's family is now joined with her husband's family, of which BIL and SIL and Ava are a part, why wouldn't the little nephew qualify as part of this joined family?

While, I agree that it’s rude, but you asked BIL first and he said yes, only for SIL to say No.
I would question her using you to amuse her daughter and wonder if that is the reason for her refusal.
I wonder what backlash you would encounter, if you suddenly once there, decided to do all things adult and not cater to your nieces needs.
Or you and hubby went off to do your own thing.
I suspect as she cannot cope with doing girly things with her own daughter, she is inviting you, grandparents and everyone else, to play babysitter.

I think it’s a bit weird of the OP to invite someone from her family to her SIL’s event.

He's related to the OP. If he were her child, presumably he would be welcome. Just because he's a bit removed from that, why not welcome him?

Its about spending time with family. If you don't want to go then don't go - but I don't see how bringing an unrelated child along would make you less bored. Another child changes the dynamic which you might not realise if you don't have kids.

editing for context and spelling

Reading the headline I thought someone from that side of the family had been left out.
fair play to you, you asked. I don’t think it’s rude to ask or bad for them to say no, but I’d take the no on the chin. I think that’s the fairest way to go tbh

Hi, I haven't read all your posts and all the arguments one way or the other.
I will say that as someone without children, it has always been very, very hard for me to join in when I'm trying to add to conversations with the like of "oh, my sister had that with X child", or "Oh yes, of course I don't really get it (even if I do, as human beings have feelings without having had all the necessary experiences!). I think you should follow your heart and if you absolutely think you'd feel out of place, then you probably will, and it's really bloody hard. Given that I was in similar situations 20 odd years ago, I would recommend not going. It's really not the same if you're not joining in with people who are all joining in with their kids, but I would have loved it with a kid of my own (a niece or nephew), I would have loved it and felt I could hold my own xxx

I think it's fine to ask, but it should be a genuine question as in it's fine for them to say no. In terms of not having a child I wouldn't see myself as the odd one out here - you do have children - the ones in your party. When I (childless) go out with my friend and her children we are a group with children and I talk to them/interact with them from a trip perspective. So I'll look at a museum exhibit with them etc, just as she would. I'm not interacting with the place in the way I would on an adult day out. Obviously they're her kids in the sense of parenting them etc.

Could you go for walks, bike rides, visit the spa or explore the local area and have a pub lunch etc?

If it's any comfort you'd have to pay me to get me to stay at CP. 😁

Or …

BIL - the more the merrier …
SIL - wtf did you tell her that for you d-head … she doesn’t have kids so can spend time with Ava, give me a break ffs
BIL - 😬

Ha, no you can go in the pool with Ava while mummy goes to the bar!

100%

SIL is probably hoping for some free babysitting as you don’t have a child with you!

I’ve only been to Whinfell and they don’t do 1 bedroom lodges. They do 1 bedroom apartments but if you’re going in a group they can be pretty far away from the others staying in lodges.

I think you were shockingly rude to ask. Their company isn't good enough, you want to bring someone else to amuse you? Lovely. Better you had said no thanks, I don't like Center Parks.

And if we were going away with family the hope would be for everyone to spend time with everyone else, in turns. Children are people, not just burdens, this is the chance to build a relationship with them. But you didn't even think of that, you wanted to slot in your own family.

If she’s only paying for accommodation then I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to fill the spare room you have in your lodge.

As long as you’re not expecting SIL to pay for food, activités for your nephew, then I think she’s being arsey for no reason.

However, I think the main reason she’s said no, is because she’s planning on using yiu as childcare for her DD! Therefore, I think you should book yourself into Aqua Sana asap! Make sure you’re only available to spend time with her DD on your own terms!

The fact there’s a spare room in your lodge and she won’t let you fill it with your own family member (knowing you don’t have a child) is really mean of her.