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Original poster

SIL asking I don't bring my nephew along to Centre Parc holiday trip

359 replies

Pline · 16/10/2025 17:57

SIL has arranged a big birthday trip for her eldest daughter to Centre Paris. They are being very generous and paying for our accommodation. There will be around 15 of us all together including grandparents. Dh and I don’t have children so CP isn’t exactly somewhere we would choose to go but we enjoy the family and wish to participate in the celebrations. I thought it would be nice if I brought my own sister’s child. I felt I would feel like a bit of a spare part if I didn’t have anything to do iykwim. My nephew is a lovely, cute boy. And the same age as the birthday girl. They have played in the past but don’t live close so aren’t friends or anything. Both children are sociable and well behaved.

I asked in the group chat if that would be okay. SIL’s husband said “absolutely the more the merrier”. But I just got a message from SIL asking I don’t do so. I’ve asked why and she said Ava (SIL’s daughter - not real name) is very fond of you and would like to spend time with you. Ava is a little clingy to me. I enjoy it. She is a girly girl and I enjoy make up, nails etc which Ava’s mums not so into. Ava is always making about my perfume, lipstick etc.

Am I being exceptionally rude? I just thought it would be a nice thing to do. And the spare bedroom will go empty which is a bit of a waste. I feel like most people would not care. I will of course spend plenty of time with Ava but I have been to Centre Parcs before and I thought having someone else to focus on would make the time a little less…boring.

But obviously SIL is paying. So maybe I am being . rudeUnintentionally.

OP posts:
Diarygirlqueen · 16/10/2025 18:28

I'm just so shocked that you thought it was OK to bring a non relative to a family holiday paid by your inlaws!
The cheek.

AmethystAnnotation · 16/10/2025 18:28

It sounds like the aim is a family trip, and your nephew isn't really part of your SIL's family, just a connection by marriage. I don't think there was harm in asking, but it wasn't unreasonable of SIL to say no.

user1471538275 · 16/10/2025 18:28

If you don't want to go, don't go.

No you can't bring a random member of your own family to your husband's family event.

Who else are you bringing? Aunt Doris?

Your replies are defensive - you got this wrong, accept this and move on.

BigDeepBreaths · 16/10/2025 18:27

I dont think you were being particularly rude but i do think you just need to accept SILs reply and go along and enjoy the free trip. No need to overthink it. You askednfor a good reason. She said no for a good reason. End of.

pinkdelight · 16/10/2025 18:26

Pline · 16/10/2025 18:02

Well I did ask and was told it was fine by BIL. I would never have unilaterally decided to bring nephew without asking

Edited

It's kinda rude to ask on a group chat too as they can hardly react honestly. It's put pressure on them to agree with you when clearly they don't want to, which is fine. If you don't want to go because of the boredom, then make an excuse, but don't be that person misunderstanding the tenor of the whole thing and pushing it.

Simplelobsterhat · 16/10/2025 18:25

If having your nephew there would make CP less boring, why doesn't having your niece there do that as well? I know she'll have her parents there but as it's her birthday I don't think they unreasonable to think the other, paid for, guests would want to spend time with her, not spend the whole time looking after a child the hosts barely know. It would completely change the dynamic of the family occasion they've planned and I'm glad your sil felt she could say no.

JudgeJ · 16/10/2025 18:25

Checkcheckout · 16/10/2025 18:00

Hmm I think if they’re paying then they get to choose who comes. BTW there’s loads to do at CP without kids, you’ll have a much better time without having to look after a small child. Although it does sound maybe like SIL is planning on you doing some childcare for her own child?

Exactly my thought, the SIL is looking to dump her child on the OP for some of the time! I might have to be too unwell to go.

purpleygrey · 16/10/2025 18:24

I think they want you to be the fun aunt to their kid and give them a break.

personally I wouldn’t mind at all if I was SIL? We are very much a more the merrier family but I do see SILs point. Particularly as she is paying for the whole thing.

Irenesortof · 16/10/2025 18:23

Pline · 16/10/2025 18:06

Dh and I are the only people not going with young children. Everyone else (bar the grandparents) are young families. I just thought it would address that imbalance. Ie when we’re at the pool or whatever.

Edited

But there will not be any imbalance at the pool unless you create one. There will be children having fun and adults joining in or keeping an eye on them from the side. Obviously each child's parents will keep a particular eye, but it will be a group activity.
The event is for Ava and I can see her mum wants you to have some time especially with her. And it is a bit cheeky to ask to bring someone else along to an event planned and paid for by someone else.
And alongside all this, it can be hard sometimes to be the only woman in a group who is not a mother.

Original poster
Pline · 16/10/2025 18:22

Sirzy · 16/10/2025 18:20

How is it no extra cost? Surely the child is going to want to eat and do activities?

and adding someone else can change the whole dynamic

I would of course have paid for nephew

OP posts:
Ooogle · 16/10/2025 18:22

They want you to look after niece

Sirzy · 16/10/2025 18:20

How is it no extra cost? Surely the child is going to want to eat and do activities?

and adding someone else can change the whole dynamic

Bruisername · 16/10/2025 18:20

Pline · 16/10/2025 18:18

Hand on heart if it was reversed and there was a spare bedroom going I would have absolutely no problem with SIL bringing her nephew. I’d feel happy knowing another person was having a nice time with no extra cost

Edited

That’s you (you think anyway as you’re not in her shoes)

but she’s said no so you have to accept it

Original poster
Pline · 16/10/2025 18:19

I shouldn’t have put SIL and BIL on the spot. I see that now

OP posts:
ishimbob · 16/10/2025 18:18

I think it was really poor form to ask this in the big group chat - put a lot of pressure on them to say yes or look like a big meannie in front of everyone else.

tinyspiny · 16/10/2025 18:18

Take your own car and go offsite to do things during the day , we have used CP as a base for sight seeing before and likely will do again , there is no obligation to stay onsite . We are also an all adult group now so tend to go offsite during the day and use the pool in the evening when it’s really quiet ( if you pick the right weeks) .

Original poster
Pline · 16/10/2025 18:18

Hand on heart if it was reversed and there was a spare bedroom going I would have absolutely no problem with SIL bringing her nephew. I’d feel happy knowing another person was having a nice time with no extra cost

OP posts:
dontcomeatme · 16/10/2025 18:16

I would have zero problems with this if I was SIL. I'm definitely a more the merrier type person! I wouldn't find this rude at all x

outerspacepotato · 16/10/2025 18:16

QueenClinomania · 16/10/2025 18:12

Hmmm. I wonder if she wants you to be the nanny. Thinks you cant be the dedicated childcare if your attention is divided.

That's possible.

It's also possible that SIL now thinks OP was trying to get a really nice vacation for her family member on SIL's dime, aka CF and trying to put her on the spot by asking her in a group chat.

INX · 16/10/2025 18:16

It was cheeky to ask in the group.

I feel you should've asked them in private considering it's their child's birthday and they're generously paying for everyone.

ThejoyofNC · 16/10/2025 18:15

Jellybunny56 · 16/10/2025 18:13

I think it was a bit cheeky to even ask to be honest, it’s a paid for trip!

Everyone keeps saying this but it isn't paid for.

At centre parts you have to pay for every activity you do. SIL has only paid for the accommodation so op will need to pay for all the activities when she gets there. This trip is still going to cost her a lot.

Bruisername · 16/10/2025 18:14

so because people thinks sil wants her to be the babysitter they think it’s reasonable for OP to bring an alternate child to babysit?

I mean it’s center parks - do people really need a babysitter? And it sounds like the GPs will be there and other families with young kids so I can’t imagine they’re wanting a big night out

HalfasleepChrisintheMorning · 16/10/2025 18:14

Book a full day at the spa OP- a
much better way to relieve CP boredom!

Zodiacrobat · 16/10/2025 18:13

BrucesBarAndGrill · 16/10/2025 18:01

If someone else is paying for it and it's not your event you don't get to have a say in who is there I'm afraid.

This. I also can’t believe you were gauche enough to ask in the group chat. It should at least have been a private message to the people who are funding the trip. And it’s very rude to want to widen the invitation to others who are not their family, when they are paying. Yeah I wouldn’t be happy with you either. YABU

Jellybunny56 · 16/10/2025 18:13

I think it was a bit cheeky to even ask to be honest, it’s a paid for trip!

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