SIL asking I don't bring my nephew along to Centre Parc holiday trip

I’m really surprised you asked about this and in SIL’s shoes I would be put out.

A) he’s not their family
B) you’re a guest of theirs and it’s rude to extend an invite especially to a child who’s more or less a stranger to them
C) your DNeice wants to spend time with you which is lovely but would be very different with your Dnephew there
D) DNeice and DNephew hardly know each other and might dislike being with each other 24/7
E) he might get really homesick and affect everyone’s enjoyment if he’s crying and/or wants to go home
F) the rooms usually sleep 2 and if there’s an entire room spare, I’d be concerned you’d extend the invite even further to include your own DSister (once your nephew had been accepted, it’s not a stretch for you to say “he might miss his mum, she could come, there’s room…”

Really out of order. It’s a shame you’ll be bored on a holiday that’s cost you nothing and is in a place with loads of stuff to do.

No way should you have put that request in the group chat.

Did you book activities? If not than yes it can be boring. Enjoy child free time and book adult only activities

I'd expect you to get a lot of niece time TBH.

It would have been better to ask directly not in group chat - I think they want the focus on their DD which is understandable.

Could you do day trips out - then spending evening with rest of the family to help with the bordem?

I can see why it’s rude to ask to bring someone else when they are paying but I also find her excuse that your niece is clingy and wants to spend time with you frivolous and ridiculous.

Then go for your niece's sake then! It is not up to you to ask to bring a non related (to your SIL) child to a family event.

You shouldn’t have put the message in the group chat - it should have been a single message to your SiL. It puts people under pressure to say yes!!

It was rude really- you aren’t paying, you don’t get to invite people!

If I were you I’d book into the spa for an afternoon, that’ll kill a few hours and they really are amazing. Offer to cook for everyone one day, book some activities for yourself or take everyone bowling. Is it a weekend trip? I’m sure you can manage a couple of days without being bored, there is plenty of choice!

You are not required to stay in CP at all times.

If others had an activity booked if you are at Whinfell then it's just a short drive to Ullswater for example. And still be available for plenty of family time.

I think given they are paying then you don't have any room for complaints. I can see why it would be nice but it's also a slight risk (he might miss his mum, not want to certain meals etc). All of this is normal but if it was putting a downer on something I'd spent a lot of money on then I'd be more annoyed than in other circumstances where I wouldn't bother at all. It would of course be as expected for a young child but if it's one I didn't choose to have there then it would irritate.

I kind of get it.

Personally I’d probably have just agreed (because it’s a small child and so not that big a deal) but generally speaking I HATE it when I have arranged to go somewhere or do something with someone and when I get there, there are randoms there too that I didn’t know about. It completely changes the dynamic.

I have a friend who does this all the fucking time. It genuinely puts me off arranging things with her sometimes.

It’s very possible that your niece would be upset at the idea that you’re “prioritising” your nephew on her special birthday trip. She will feel like with another child her age there she is less the focus and will have less time one on one with you.

I think this is one of those, fine for you to ask, fine for her to say no situations. (Unless she would be expected to pay more for your nephew in which case might be a bit cheeky to ask.)

From your perspective though I don't really understand why you'd rather bring your nephew and think it will be a drag just you and your partner. Maybe something to consider.

I think you’ve been rude. It wasn’t your place to suggest bringing someone else along. They’ll have spent a bloody fortune on accommodation for 15 and realistically you will have to give your nephew all the attention when she most likely wants a nice (close) family trip and for her daughter to get the attention. An extra child does change the dynamic.

Perhaps she thought you would be using it as binding time with neice and do things together

This isn’t your event to invite people to

It was generous of you to thought of your nephew, you sound like a lovely auntie. Sounds like the birthday girl wants to spend lots of time with you and the mum is trying to make sure she is happy. I’d go and revel in my child free status, nothing like Centre Parcs to make you wonder why you ever had kids.

The birthday girl was hoping for some auntie-niece time from you I think…

I think you'll have to fall in with your sister-in-law's wishes if you go, since she is paying. But I don't think you were wrong to ask.

Perhaps you could have one more go at putting it to her, privately, that you'd like the two children to get to know each other so you can bring them out together sometimes? (If you would!) But I think that's the most you can do.

I agree that’s a possibility. But I think the solution is for OP to not go on a holiday she will find boring & may end up designated babysitter on, not for her to bring another child with her.

I don't know why people are making a deal of 'she's expecting you to babysit'. OP literally wants to bring her nephew along to babysit him full-time. OP can either go on the niece's birthday hol with all that entails or stay home/go on an adult hol, but there's not a mid-ground that is take an unrelated (to birthday girl) child along.

But the OP wants to be entertaining a child so if her sister in law wants her to entertain the niece that’s win win surely?

But you said your niece is clingy to you and enjoys doing things with you that she doesn’t necessarily do with her mum so you will have a child there to help entertain?

I think it's rude and frankly, a little weird.

How would your nephew magically save you from boredom if your niece, who is the same age and interested in similar things, couldn't do the same? I'm not sure I understand why you want your nephew in the pool with you but regardless, I'd be insulted if I offered to pay for you to come away and you decided an extra kid should be there.

If you can't possibly find a way to hide your boredom then don't go.

Can just imagine the behind the scenes conversation between your BIL and SIL after he said it was okay at first.

“WTF did you say that for?”
”I dunno, I didn’t think it through. How can we get out of it?”
”I’ll just have to say Ava would be upset at not having OP time.”
”Good thinking. She’ll never twig. Sorry again.”
”it’s okay. You twat.”