Destination Weddings

Also OP, I’d look at getting help to get over your fear of flying. I would assume they won’t move to the UK after marriage, it’ll be easier for him to get EU citizenship than her to get British (assuming he’s not already got EU citizenship). I would assume grandchildren won’t be raised in the UK. You can rage at how unfair it is, or you can get on with being part of your son’s family.

They live in France, she has family in Italy and Switzerland, he had family in the UK. So the bulk of the guests would have to travel internationally regardless of where they held the wedding.

Would you view it as a destination wedding if they held it in the UK? Given they don’t live here and she’s not from here it would be.

Where would you like them to get married where would be acceptable?

I agree that destination weddings are rather selfish and often make things difficult for guests.

but look up the website 'man in seat 61' for a great guide to how to get to southern Italy by train. it could be a lovely journey.

Op can fly. She hates it but has the option.
Her choice.

They picked southern Italy when they live in France and have no connection to the location.

It's a 25 hr drive (maybe more) for OP.... that's about 3 days driving each way.... or at least it would be for me I'd struggle with more than 7-8 hours driving per day

You realise this works both ways ?

They might hope that you love them enough to travel to the location they chosen to celebrate their wedding in.

Have you thought about what you will do if they have children? Will you expect them to travel to you with a tiny baby?

They live in france. Why should they destination to uk? Pretty easy to get to europe for you car train coach
Food and weather more guaranteed
And you dont have to go
Just take them for celebratory meal when they visit you in uk

I had a breakdown down a few years ago. Going away from home is a trigger now and being surrounded by a lot of people is one too it’s just too peopley.
When my daughter told me she and her fiancé were going to get married in Italy, my heart sank. Going to that wedding was going to turn me into a basket case. My husband and I talked it through at length. I decided that not going to the wedding was not an option. It’s my only child. So we thought what could we do to limit the effect on me.
Firstly we went slightly earlier than the other wedding party so I had time to decompress before I was surrounded by people. And secondly we stayed elsewhere. The majority of the wedding party were staying at an all inclusive resort , which was my idea of absolute hell so we rented a villa nearby. I found the day both hard and beautiful but not going was never an option.

I think destination weddings are selfish but considering the bride is Swiss Italian it’s not unreasonable to have the wedding in Italy.

But then you would have still had to go to Northern Italy or France. It’s going to be a destination wedding regardless.

The couple probably thought that since everyone is going to have to travel anyway they might as well have it somewhere they really like instead of having it in Calais because one person doesn’t like flying.

Omg, seen your update that her family are paying most of the costs - obviously that's why it's nearer to them!

Yabvu. Col has nothing to do with this, you've said yourself you just hate flying.

Why bother having a wedding if your loved ones aren't there? I don't think that's the prevailing attitude to weddings of people your DS's/future DIL's age.

They could indeed do something smaller and less expensive, but they clearly don't want to. They obviously want to get married in southern Italy. To them, their wedding is about them, not about their loved ones. Not the way I see weddings but clearly the way the bride and groom do. It is what it is. This isn't a question of reasonableness, really. It's a question of being individuals concerned with themselves, versus a family-centric bridge and groom.

I had three weddings in total (in the dark ages), for all my and DH's loved ones who are scattered around the globe. We went to them rather than ask them to come to us! I would have been very content with slipping off to the registry office in my lunch hour!

People need to realise that wedding invites are not a court summons, if you don’t fancy it, don’t go!

The bride and groom aren’t selfish for getting married abroad because it’s their vows, nobody else’s.

We had a ‘destination’ wedding in a place that genuinely meant a lot to us as a couple. I’m forever grateful for the 52 people who came under absolutely no duress. Those that didn’t come, no problem at all! But, we were getting married in that place regardless. We had a blast, it meant everything to us, and I would not change a single thing!

Where would you expect their wedding to be? They’re an international family, surely you wouldn’t expect them to be married in the UK when they don’t live there and his partner doesn’t have any connection to the UK? I don’t see the issue myself. Whilst I understand you don’t like flying, that’s your issue not theirs.

You can get to Italy by train, I've done it.

Its more expensive and it will take longer, but it's totally an option, but it's not like this is the other side of the world.

Are you paying for this wedding?

They're entitled to have it wherever they want; guests are entitled to refuse the invitation (the earlier the better for a destination wedding). More difficult for you as the mother of the groom, but it's hardly "selfish" to not center your fear of flying in their wedding planning!

“Selfish” seems a harsh way to describe putting yourself first on your wedding day.

Expecting them to accommodate your particular preferences, particularly if they are paying, is selfish.

I would be very careful not to impact your relationship with your son and DIL over this. It will be hard to recover if you don’t see them often.

I agree - invited to one in Italy - do not want to spend 3 days with a load of people we dont know other than groom and his parents in very hot weather in suits and dresses etc
the groom's father is very ill not terminal but very weak - hey ho - it is the bride's choice
pfffffffffffffff

Wtaf Italy is not hard for most people to get to just you and your fear of flying.

the trains you get will be beautiful and scenic it’ll be a wonderful experience. Go with the flow or don’t go at all and never see him again as doubt he would forgive his own mother not attending!

You'll be told yabu but I think it is crap of them.

We planned our wedding prioritising / with our most important guests comfort in mind.
We checked availability of all our family as it was important to us they attend... family in general is important to us.

Yes...Your wedding, your rules .. but I think its thoughtless of them

And if my mother had a phobia of flying this certainly wouldnt be the wedding destination I'd select....

It’s their wedding, their choice and I say that as someone who’s someone who travelled to the other side of the world for their son’s wedding.

My daughter was getting Married in Las Vegas Desert then Covid hit thankfully 😂 she landed up getting married at Loch Lomond outside but if it was inside we were all to wear face masks. Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 to Las Vegas how were we to get her dress on the plane ✈️. I would go whatever way is fastest cause you will regret it . But at the end of the day it’s their choice