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Dynamic between DH and ex college friend who is now our DC’s teacher…

87 replies

Greenacremile · 16/10/2025 14:35

A bit of a strange one. Someone DH went to college with many years ago is now our DC’s teacher.

DH hasn’t been in contact with this person for years but was aware of them having become a teacher and that there was a possibility of our DC being taught by them given she teaches at the same school.

DH doesn’t do many school runs due to his job but did last week when on holiday and they were chatting like old friends across multiple days and having a right laugh. He found out she’s recently separated from the father of her two children.

He asked me yesterday if I thought it would be odd if he asked her to go for a coffee so they can catch up properly(!). I said it would probably be seen as a bit odd if a parent asked a teacher to meet socially. He disagrees, said she is an old friend and ‘there’s obviously nothing romantic, although I do remember spending many a dull lesson admiring her bottom’(!)

I just find it bloody strange…I don’t have any suspicions in that sense but it just seems unnecessary?

OP posts:
mcmuffin22 · 16/10/2025 15:06

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/10/2025 14:45

I'd surface all of it.

My suggestion, "DH I hate being asked questions that put me in a shitty situation. You've asked if it's odd, I've said yes. You asked knowing it was odd. So you want me to choose between being a cool wife and waving you off to have coffee with someone whose arse you're talking about. Or tell you not to and be a controlling bitch. That's a really horrible thing to do to me. I suggest you think about your marriage and kids and make a better decision for yourself. Don't make me make decisions your conscience already knows the answer to."

This is spot on. Exactly how it is.

Myfridgeiscool · 16/10/2025 15:04

This reminds me of another recent post. The response was…’What would the behaviour of a decent person in this situation be?’ ‘Do that’…and let them mull it over.

VorChina · 16/10/2025 15:00

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/10/2025 14:45

I'd surface all of it.

My suggestion, "DH I hate being asked questions that put me in a shitty situation. You've asked if it's odd, I've said yes. You asked knowing it was odd. So you want me to choose between being a cool wife and waving you off to have coffee with someone whose arse you're talking about. Or tell you not to and be a controlling bitch. That's a really horrible thing to do to me. I suggest you think about your marriage and kids and make a better decision for yourself. Don't make me make decisions your conscience already knows the answer to."

Blimey with bells on - this!

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/10/2025 14:45

I'd surface all of it.

My suggestion, "DH I hate being asked questions that put me in a shitty situation. You've asked if it's odd, I've said yes. You asked knowing it was odd. So you want me to choose between being a cool wife and waving you off to have coffee with someone whose arse you're talking about. Or tell you not to and be a controlling bitch. That's a really horrible thing to do to me. I suggest you think about your marriage and kids and make a better decision for yourself. Don't make me make decisions your conscience already knows the answer to."

FamilyPhoto · 16/10/2025 14:43

He is asking for your blessing to take things further. Itd be a hard no from me .

Greenacremile · 16/10/2025 14:42

Dandelionsarepretty · 16/10/2025 14:41

A date with your approval? Just No. Has he behaved like this previously?

No he hasn’t, but I suspect for a few other reasons he is approaching mid life crisis territory.

OP posts:
Dandelionsarepretty · 16/10/2025 14:41

A date with your approval? Just No. Has he behaved like this previously?

DontStopMeNowGoodTime · 16/10/2025 14:41

Greenacremile · 16/10/2025 14:38

Yeah he said it jokingly as he laughed afterwards but it registered as odd.

She's newly single, he used to fancy her or at least fantasize about her, and she will be remining him of when he was young and carefree.
Tell him to go for a coffee with a friend he already has.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/10/2025 14:40

she is an old friend and ‘there’s obviously nothing romantic, although I do remember spending many a dull lesson admiring her bottom’(!)

She's a shark in the water of your marriage. You know it and I suspect he does too. If he has any brains, he won't nudge boundaries that affect your child. Even coffee.

BallerinaRadio · 16/10/2025 14:39

You clearly have suspicions otherwise you wouldn't have posted.

And if you don't have suspicions after he told you stared at her arse a lot then that explains why he was happy to share that information

Greenacremile · 16/10/2025 14:38

DontStopMeNowGoodTime · 16/10/2025 14:37

'although I do remember spending many a dull lesson admiring her bottom'
He said this to you about her?

Yeah he said it jokingly as he laughed afterwards but it registered as odd.

OP posts:
DontStopMeNowGoodTime · 16/10/2025 14:37

'although I do remember spending many a dull lesson admiring her bottom'
He said this to you about her?