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Original poster

Dynamic between DH and ex college friend who is now our DC’s teacher…

87 replies

Greenacremile · 16/10/2025 14:35

A bit of a strange one. Someone DH went to college with many years ago is now our DC’s teacher.

DH hasn’t been in contact with this person for years but was aware of them having become a teacher and that there was a possibility of our DC being taught by them given she teaches at the same school.

DH doesn’t do many school runs due to his job but did last week when on holiday and they were chatting like old friends across multiple days and having a right laugh. He found out she’s recently separated from the father of her two children.

He asked me yesterday if I thought it would be odd if he asked her to go for a coffee so they can catch up properly(!). I said it would probably be seen as a bit odd if a parent asked a teacher to meet socially. He disagrees, said she is an old friend and ‘there’s obviously nothing romantic, although I do remember spending many a dull lesson admiring her bottom’(!)

I just find it bloody strange…I don’t have any suspicions in that sense but it just seems unnecessary?

OP posts:
MissDoubleU · 16/10/2025 17:11

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/10/2025 14:45

I'd surface all of it.

My suggestion, "DH I hate being asked questions that put me in a shitty situation. You've asked if it's odd, I've said yes. You asked knowing it was odd. So you want me to choose between being a cool wife and waving you off to have coffee with someone whose arse you're talking about. Or tell you not to and be a controlling bitch. That's a really horrible thing to do to me. I suggest you think about your marriage and kids and make a better decision for yourself. Don't make me make decisions your conscience already knows the answer to."

Another vote for this in full!

Moresparecashplease · 16/10/2025 17:06

It's not only the comment about her bum it's the fact he said there’s obviously nothing romantic in him asking her for a date.
So that's the way his mind was going and he is very aware that that's how asking her for a one to one meet up will be interpreted.
He is taking the piss by asking your permission for this date. And he is giving no thought to how it will affect his children.

JLou08 · 16/10/2025 16:52

Totally inappropriate. It would probably put the teacher in an awkward position if he asked. I'm sure there will be policies about relationships with parents.

falalalalaaaaaaaa · 16/10/2025 16:44

BauhausOfEliott · 16/10/2025 15:49

It would have been fine with me until the point at which he inexplicably started reminiscing about her arse.

This! Wouldn’t have thought it weird at all until that point. He made it dodgy!

Thephantom · 16/10/2025 16:41

Tell him not to fuck around with your children's school and make things awkward for them. He's clearly letting his dick doing the thinking for him

Freeme31 · 16/10/2025 16:34

If you do want him to go just say and if he respects you he won’t go. Yes it is very odd and inappropriate your husband wanting to take another single woman out on a date for coffee - what next ?

Rumpledandcrumpled · 16/10/2025 16:31

I guess if you think he’s going to cheat on you with her it’s already over, saying no makes no difference, it just speeds it up and makes it more exciting, as it will then be secret.

if you don’t think he will cheat then leave it to him. But you clearly think he wants to cheat on you , I won’t take into account the other responses as many people think every man wants to cheat on here and men and women can’t be friends.

tne point is the coffee isn’t irrelevant, the fact you don’t trust him and think he may cheat, and in fact he may be the sort to, I don’t know, but that’s the issue. Saying no you can’t have coffee doesn’t change what’s going to happen, he will do as he pleases.

id sit down and explain to him you think he’s up for a bit of extra marital so you relationship is over; as there is mo way back from that.

Villanovas · 16/10/2025 16:31

She's crossing professional boundaries, for that reason alone noooooo. To the PP who said it's OK to reconnect, sure it is.... with an old friend, not someone who used to be wank fodder for you😂

MsDogLady · 16/10/2025 16:29

@Greenacremile, your H is playing with fire. He is attracted to this woman and what she represents - his younger self and his nostalgic feelings. He wants to act on that attraction by meeting 1:1 for a date.

He is also destabilizing your child’s school experience.

This train needs to be shut down pronto. I would use @MrsTerryPratchett‘s suggested words at 14:45. Don’t hesitate, @Greenacremile. Your marriage is under threat.

Owl55 · 16/10/2025 16:28

Tell him great idea if you can go too and you can all be friends!!!

GeorgeClooneyshouldhavemarriedme · 16/10/2025 16:22

Nevermind the nasty arse comment, they should keep a little more distance due to her being DCs teacher.

Professional distance from her side, respectful distance from his.

gannett · 16/10/2025 16:21

Reconnecting with old friends is often a great joy in life. I'd encourage DP to meet up with someone he used to know at university and I wouldn't expect him to do anything but encourage me.

I don't think being attracted to someone 20 years ago means that you're going to want to have an affair with them now but it was fairly stupid of him to actually say that about her arse.

Still not sure it'd be a dealbreaker though. I don't really feel the need in my relationship to prevent DP from having coffee with anyone he's ever been attracted to.

Dweetfidilove · 16/10/2025 16:17

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/10/2025 14:45

I'd surface all of it.

My suggestion, "DH I hate being asked questions that put me in a shitty situation. You've asked if it's odd, I've said yes. You asked knowing it was odd. So you want me to choose between being a cool wife and waving you off to have coffee with someone whose arse you're talking about. Or tell you not to and be a controlling bitch. That's a really horrible thing to do to me. I suggest you think about your marriage and kids and make a better decision for yourself. Don't make me make decisions your conscience already knows the answer to."

You know what @Greenacremile , based on the bottom comment alone, this is the answer for him.

BoundaryGirl3939 · 16/10/2025 16:17

I sometimes don't know why women try to control men with a roving mentality. Let him do the dirty and you will truly see where you stand. You've nothing to lose if he is like this.
I would tell him he is free to meet her, but I would sit back and suspiciously observe what happens. If it becomes a 'thing', then its obviously over between you two. Why fight to keep a traitor like that onside? Save your energy and let him reveal his true agenda/thoughts.

BauhausOfEliott · 16/10/2025 15:49

It would have been fine with me until the point at which he inexplicably started reminiscing about her arse.

Greggsit · 16/10/2025 15:30

If it wasn't for the bottom comment, I wouldn't see anthing wrong. If my husband tried ot tell me I couldn't go for coffee with someone I used to be friends with, I wouldn't be impressed. The bottom bit is weird though, he shot himself in the foot with that.

ForgetTheTomatoes · 16/10/2025 15:29

Considering how vicious the playground is when parents believe teachers favour certain students this has disaster written all over it not only for him but you and your child too.

He is loving the attention and he is overstepping every boundary, professional and personal. Everything @MrsTerryPratchett said.

WasThatACorner · 16/10/2025 15:29

I'd be gobsmacked if "we should meet up for a coffee / drink" hadn't already popped up between them.

The fact that he needs to ask OP if it's OK shows that he knows it isn't.

nomas · 16/10/2025 15:27

Nip it in the bud now and say you do not want him to meet up with her ever.

Don‘t give them your blessing to meet.

UpMyself · 16/10/2025 15:24

It's not strange at all. He fancied her and wants to take her on a date. In plain sight.

TruJay · 16/10/2025 15:23

So he asked for your opinion on the situation and then dismissed your reply anyway, I wouldn’t be happy.

@MrsTerryPratchett nailed it

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/10/2025 15:22

Starlight1984 · 16/10/2025 15:21

😂It's funny but it's true.

"Um wife, I know it's massively inappropriate but I would like to go on a date with a woman I have just got reacquainted with. She's recently single and I used to perve on her in college. Would that be ok with you? I just feel if you say it's ok then I can be absolved of all guilt and if anything happens then I can just put the blame on you for allowing it and I won't feel like I have done anything wrong at all as I was completely open with you"

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Remember though. If she says it's not OK she's a controlling cow and therefore he has to lie and he's justified cheating.

It would be brilliant if it wasn't so utterly repulsive.

Starlight1984 · 16/10/2025 15:21

Dandelionsarepretty · 16/10/2025 14:41

A date with your approval? Just No. Has he behaved like this previously?

😂It's funny but it's true.

"Um wife, I know it's massively inappropriate but I would like to go on a date with a woman I have just got reacquainted with. She's recently single and I used to perve on her in college. Would that be ok with you? I just feel if you say it's ok then I can be absolved of all guilt and if anything happens then I can just put the blame on you for allowing it and I won't feel like I have done anything wrong at all as I was completely open with you"

Starlight1984 · 16/10/2025 15:18

mcmuffin22 · 16/10/2025 15:06

This is spot on. Exactly how it is.

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Agree. And I would also ask him if he would be ok with me going out for a coffee with a bloke I used to perve on in college who was recently single....?

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/10/2025 15:15

Myfridgeiscool · 16/10/2025 15:04

This reminds me of another recent post. The response was…’What would the behaviour of a decent person in this situation be?’ ‘Do that’…and let them mull it over.

LOL this is a much more succinct version of what I said!