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AIBU?

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Original poster

Fuming with this guy

58 replies

Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 06:42

So I have been very casually dating a guy for about year, my choice i am a single
parent and my 11 year old comes first and we are going through assessments etc for ASD so he know I am not interested in commitment. I see him once a week usually, he’s good company and a laugh but as I got to know him more ive realised he is so lazy…turn off.

Anyway I had quite a lot of valuable things and decided before Christmas I’d put them on Vinted to help with costs for this Christmas. For some reason it wouldn’t let me add my bank details so I said can I add yours and will you transfer it. I made a sale it wasn’t much money £50 so the money went to him i was with him and I said transfer it over. He said I can’t my bank charges have taken it. I wasn’t happy and I said I want it tomorrow. That was Sunday and he has ignored me since. I am not contacting him again and if he contacts me he’s getting told to piss off. Write the money off. I feel like he’s trying to make out that I am in the wrong for getting mad at him. Also he is a total love bomber, dont think I have ever heard him call me by name just gorgeous and I hate it makes me cringe.

I don’t feel hurt or anything but what an absolute prick. I certainly pick them even in the most casual way. I genuinely want to stay single for good now I am done and happy to be done. I don’t know what happened to decent guys.

OP posts:
HedwigEliza · 16/10/2025 07:53

Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:50

Yeah I am I have known him 3 years i thought we had trust so yeah I am slagging him off. Shoot me

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His behaviour is inexcusable, no one can defend him, but it was an incredibly stupid thing for you to do. Expensive lesson learned.

DEAROP · 16/10/2025 07:52

Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:46

No only once to his account. I sold things on my old Vinted acct ages ago. I usually only buy things

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Did you see the money clear in his account? Just I've asked my son and he said that his always takes 2-3 working days to clear when he transfers the funds. He is with Barclays.

Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:50

HedwigEliza · 16/10/2025 07:45

You were mad to add his bank details instead of your own. What on earth possessed you to think that was a good idea? You’re slagging him off now and calling him names, so what does that say about your judgement that you did it in the first place? A bit of self-reflection is needed here.

Yeah I am I have known him 3 years i thought we had trust so yeah I am slagging him off. Shoot me

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:47

autienotnaughty · 16/10/2025 07:46

No I agree you did take things slow, imagine if he was involved in your life.

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Glad he isn’t and won’t be. My DD always comes first so if he was happy with a casual arrangement i was too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:46

DEAROP · 16/10/2025 07:45

To his account?

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No only once to his account. I sold things on my old Vinted acct ages ago. I usually only buy things

OP posts:
autienotnaughty · 16/10/2025 07:46

Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:00

Once a week for year doesn’t get much slower than that. He has never given me any reason to think he is not trust worthy in that sense so I am surprised. Obviously like everyone else i am struggling a bit for Christmas and I just think what a shit head he knows why am doing the Vinted thing.

I am not chasing him for the money, if it gets rid of him and his constant overbearing flattery that’s a good thing. At first he seemed to have his shit together but as he’s let his guard down he’s a bit of a slob so I was looking at him differently think he picked up on this and thought I wlll steal her cash on my way out. Twat

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No I agree you did take things slow, imagine if he was involved in your life.

HedwigEliza · 16/10/2025 07:45

You were mad to add his bank details instead of your own. What on earth possessed you to think that was a good idea? You’re slagging him off now and calling him names, so what does that say about your judgement that you did it in the first place? A bit of self-reflection is needed here.

DEAROP · 16/10/2025 07:45

Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:41

It comes up with a message saying that but I’ve sold about 4 things now and it went in immediately

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To his account?

pilates · 16/10/2025 07:44

Lazy and money issues both unattractive traits. Get rid.

Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:44

Owly11 · 16/10/2025 07:39

Yabu to ask to use someone else's bank details. I also cannot understand why you are writing the money off. Just because he doesn't pay you back straight away doesn't mean he gets to keep it. That is completely illogical. He still owes it to you and has to pay it when he has money in his account. Since he was doing you a favour i agree with him that getting angry with him straight away is over the top. Also it seems like you were fine to be with him and trust him to do this but don't like him. Why trust someone with your money that you don't like and don't trust.

I did like him and did like spending time with him but he was getting a bit much lately. Also, I have done him lots of favours. This was Sunday no money and no apology. He can will as much as he likes he was in the wrong

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:41

DEAROP · 16/10/2025 07:35

Ah I thought it takes a couple of days from when you release to your bank account.

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It comes up with a message saying that but I’ve sold about 4 things now and it went in immediately

OP posts:
Owly11 · 16/10/2025 07:39

Yabu to ask to use someone else's bank details. I also cannot understand why you are writing the money off. Just because he doesn't pay you back straight away doesn't mean he gets to keep it. That is completely illogical. He still owes it to you and has to pay it when he has money in his account. Since he was doing you a favour i agree with him that getting angry with him straight away is over the top. Also it seems like you were fine to be with him and trust him to do this but don't like him. Why trust someone with your money that you don't like and don't trust.

DEAROP · 16/10/2025 07:35

Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:34

Yes it has the few times I have done it. When it is in your Vinted account already and you press to transfer to your bank. It doesn’t come straight away once you have sold something

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Ah I thought it takes a couple of days from when you release to your bank account.

JMSA · 16/10/2025 07:34

Major ick.

Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:34

DEAROP · 16/10/2025 07:32

Does vinted money come through right away? I thought it takes 2 or 3 days to clear.

Yes it has the few times I have done it. When it is in your Vinted account already and you press to transfer to your bank. It doesn’t come straight away once you have sold something

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:32

PollyBell · 16/10/2025 07:21

Yea he should give you the money but you shouldn't have done this in the first place

And he made you cringe why stay with him, casual or not, maybe have higher standards in future

He was only recently he started to make me cringe. I had to ask him to stop saying gorgeous at the end of every single sentence. Too much

OP posts:
DEAROP · 16/10/2025 07:32

Does vinted money come through right away? I thought it takes 2 or 3 days to clear.

Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:30

Moonnstars · 16/10/2025 07:29

Voted YABU for trusting this guy you have been 'casually' dating with your money. An expensive mistake to make.

I was sat right next to him didnt think he’d have the stones to simply say it’s gone. Yeah lesson learned.

OP posts:
Moonnstars · 16/10/2025 07:29

Voted YABU for trusting this guy you have been 'casually' dating with your money. An expensive mistake to make.

Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:29

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 16/10/2025 07:27

Bank charges of £50?
That sounds like he has has an 'unauthorised' bank overdraft.

He said his phone hasn’t been working only wattsapp I think he hadn’t paid the bill and knew that my money would be swallowed up. That’s why I think he’s an arsehole.

OP posts:
TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 16/10/2025 07:27

Bank charges of £50?
That sounds like he has has an 'unauthorised' bank overdraft.

Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:26

tripleginandtonic · 16/10/2025 07:06

You seem to know all about him OP. I've never spent money on getting rid of bfs though. Get the cash off him, you said you needed it for dd's Christmas presents.

No can’t say I have paid to get rid of a man before and DD will get more than enough for Christmas but just his whole attitude about it and at no point has he transferred any money. Leaves me thinking he is a bit of rat and I don’t want to even speak to him. No apology nothing.

OP posts:
PollyBell · 16/10/2025 07:21

Yea he should give you the money but you shouldn't have done this in the first place

And he made you cringe why stay with him, casual or not, maybe have higher standards in future

Theimpossiblegirl · 16/10/2025 07:16

I'd be checking he hasn't taken any credit cards etc out in your name if I were you.

Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:13

Shr3dding · 16/10/2025 06:54

Slightly off topic but I'd be looking into why my own bank details wouldn't work, that seems very odd, have you had any other banking problems

Also stop seeing him, he doesn't sound like a worthwhile catch

No, I am turned off by lazy men.

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