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Original poster

Fuming with this guy

58 replies

Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 06:42

So I have been very casually dating a guy for about year, my choice i am a single
parent and my 11 year old comes first and we are going through assessments etc for ASD so he know I am not interested in commitment. I see him once a week usually, he’s good company and a laugh but as I got to know him more ive realised he is so lazy…turn off.

Anyway I had quite a lot of valuable things and decided before Christmas I’d put them on Vinted to help with costs for this Christmas. For some reason it wouldn’t let me add my bank details so I said can I add yours and will you transfer it. I made a sale it wasn’t much money £50 so the money went to him i was with him and I said transfer it over. He said I can’t my bank charges have taken it. I wasn’t happy and I said I want it tomorrow. That was Sunday and he has ignored me since. I am not contacting him again and if he contacts me he’s getting told to piss off. Write the money off. I feel like he’s trying to make out that I am in the wrong for getting mad at him. Also he is a total love bomber, dont think I have ever heard him call me by name just gorgeous and I hate it makes me cringe.

I don’t feel hurt or anything but what an absolute prick. I certainly pick them even in the most casual way. I genuinely want to stay single for good now I am done and happy to be done. I don’t know what happened to decent guys.

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Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 12:33

InAHammock · 16/10/2025 11:24

I think your attitude to this is quite odd, OP. This man has stolen £50 from you just as if he helped himself from your purse. Whether he calls you ‘gorgeous’ or has a gambling problem or not is irrelevant.

Well I said to him before I left you need to put that money in my acct. If he hasn’t got it and chooses to hide away instead what can I do go banging his door down. Thinking about it around my birthday he we all weird and quiet. He kept saying I will get this and that. Now im not too fussed about birthdays but he got me a bottle of Prosecco about 4 days later. Just think he is a bit full
of shit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 12:28

BauhausOfEliott · 16/10/2025 11:12

This doesn't sound like my idea of 'casually dating' someone to be honest.

Doesn’t it? Like I said we were more friends than anything we both knew 100% it would not lead to more than what it is was.

OP posts:
InAHammock · 16/10/2025 11:24

I think your attitude to this is quite odd, OP. This man has stolen £50 from you just as if he helped himself from your purse. Whether he calls you ‘gorgeous’ or has a gambling problem or not is irrelevant.

LemonLass · 16/10/2025 11:18

Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:00

Once a week for year doesn’t get much slower than that. He has never given me any reason to think he is not trust worthy in that sense so I am surprised. Obviously like everyone else i am struggling a bit for Christmas and I just think what a shit head he knows why am doing the Vinted thing.

I am not chasing him for the money, if it gets rid of him and his constant overbearing flattery that’s a good thing. At first he seemed to have his shit together but as he’s let his guard down he’s a bit of a slob so I was looking at him differently think he picked up on this and thought I wlll steal her cash on my way out. Twat

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Hi @Lucy2586
What a vile thing for him to do (keeping the money). Remove that bank info from Vinted today (if you havent already).

He may come craeling back when he thinks you will be less mad (or forgotten) but he has sjoen his true colours. Urgh!

Naanspiration · 16/10/2025 11:16

He might be a nice guy ordinarily but he appears to have financial issues.

So either accept that you'll have to pay for everything or move on.

BauhausOfEliott · 16/10/2025 11:12

This doesn't sound like my idea of 'casually dating' someone to be honest.

Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 10:36

Dollymylove · 16/10/2025 10:07

You might have to write off the 50 quid but at least hes shown you his true colours now. You could have ended up with a cock lodger 😬

Exactly. These cocklodgers can be smart.

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Dollymylove · 16/10/2025 10:07

You might have to write off the 50 quid but at least hes shown you his true colours now. You could have ended up with a cock lodger 😬

Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 09:49

Also he always messages me first because he mainly works in the evening and gets up at different times but radio silence. Maybe he thinks I owe as I got really sick with flu and he did a bit of running around for me. who knows but it’s no way to behave.

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BetterOffNow · 16/10/2025 09:35

Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:12

Not sure why haven’t had any problems with my bank but did have a Vinted ages ago and forgot details so started a new one could be that.

Show quote history

That's definitely what it is - happened to my daughter. You have to delete your old account then it will let you.

Sorry to hear this man turned out to be such a dick, involving money seems to bring out people's true colours...

Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 09:30

CheshireDing · 16/10/2025 09:24

If he was already overdrawn by at least £50 then he would be able to still transfer that £50 to you. All it would have done is lessened his overdraft but as the bank had already allowed him to go overdrawn they would have allowed that £50 to go out to you.

He's a dick. I would not wait and would definitely say what a pp said about your DD needing new shoes/coat now it's cold.

He knows I’d already bought her those things because we did speak quite regular. I just don’t want anyone staying here with DD here. Thing is it’s always been pretty laid back and I think he thought I’d say oh just pay me when you can but I didn’t due to the way nonchalant manner he went about it.

OP posts:
CheshireDing · 16/10/2025 09:24

If he was already overdrawn by at least £50 then he would be able to still transfer that £50 to you. All it would have done is lessened his overdraft but as the bank had already allowed him to go overdrawn they would have allowed that £50 to go out to you.

He's a dick. I would not wait and would definitely say what a pp said about your DD needing new shoes/coat now it's cold.

Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 08:59

PsychoHotSauce · 16/10/2025 08:39

You don't even know that it WAS eaten up by charges. Either he knew it would happen and stole from you, or he's straight up stolen from you.

The only good thing is this greedy dishonest cocklodger in the making showed his true colours and all it cost you was 50 quid. There are so many threads on here from women who had smarter cocklodgers who used stealth over a much longer period before they even knew what was happening!

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Yes I have read many threads about the dreaded cocklodger or hobo sexual. I had started to notice him placing bets on football too so not sure if he has a problem, either way i am glad I wasn’t invested.

It’s only been me and my DD for 10 years and I like it that way. I do have money for Christmas but thought getting rid of things i do not need anymore would help as it’s getting tougher financially for everyone.

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Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 08:46

eone · 16/10/2025 08:44

I'd be super nice to him and ask him for money because it is getting cold and your child needs a new shoes or jacket.
As soon as I got it from him I would dump and block him.
What an arse he is. Not worth your time.

I will give it a bit longer see if he even attempts to pay me.

OP posts:
eone · 16/10/2025 08:44

I'd be super nice to him and ask him for money because it is getting cold and your child needs a new shoes or jacket.
As soon as I got it from him I would dump and block him.
What an arse he is. Not worth your time.

Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 08:44

Dacatspjs · 16/10/2025 08:35

You may want casual and only once a week because of your particular circumstances, but I'd really question the motivations of what the guy wants out of this relationship.

Youre not working to building a life together, which is fine, and it works for you. The question is how does it work for him?

My suspicion would be there is someone else or someones (plural) else. Either way, you aren't that invested in him, and the flip side of that is he isn't that invested in you.

You've then sent him money he seems to desperately need I think you should be prepared that this is going to be difficult to claw back

Well he’d been hurt in a long term relationship before we started meeting up. We are were mostly friends really tbh. Yes it will silly of me but he has transferred to me to pick something and vice versa never been a problem.

more recently though I’d noticed when I went to his it wasn’t as clean as it had been and other things that made me think he wasn’t actually being himself now he’s letting it all hang out and it wasn’t too impressive.

OP posts:
PsychoHotSauce · 16/10/2025 08:39

Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:11

The thing is though he knew my money would be eaten up I asked before I pressed to release it that’s what made me angry.

Show quote history

You don't even know that it WAS eaten up by charges. Either he knew it would happen and stole from you, or he's straight up stolen from you.

The only good thing is this greedy dishonest cocklodger in the making showed his true colours and all it cost you was 50 quid. There are so many threads on here from women who had smarter cocklodgers who used stealth over a much longer period before they even knew what was happening!

Dacatspjs · 16/10/2025 08:35

You may want casual and only once a week because of your particular circumstances, but I'd really question the motivations of what the guy wants out of this relationship.

Youre not working to building a life together, which is fine, and it works for you. The question is how does it work for him?

My suspicion would be there is someone else or someones (plural) else. Either way, you aren't that invested in him, and the flip side of that is he isn't that invested in you.

You've then sent him money he seems to desperately need I think you should be prepared that this is going to be difficult to claw back

Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 08:35

Theimpossiblegirl · 16/10/2025 07:16

I'd be checking he hasn't taken any credit cards etc out in your name if I were you.

Did not even think of that.

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Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 08:33

MyDeftDuck · 16/10/2025 07:57

Definitely check why your bank details couldn’t be used for future reference. As for the bloke……he’s history as well as being an absolute shit! He must have been bloody overdrawn for his bank to take that money surely and was an even bigger shit for not telling you! ?

I have checked it’s because my bank details are still connected to my old acct i am getting that one shut down.

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Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 08:32

MyDeftDuck · 16/10/2025 07:57

Definitely check why your bank details couldn’t be used for future reference. As for the bloke……he’s history as well as being an absolute shit! He must have been bloody overdrawn for his bank to take that money surely and was an even bigger shit for not telling you! ?

Yeah that’s why I got annoyed and yeah maybe need to up my standards but not looking to marry the guy I don’t even want to live with anyone again i am happy but a bit of company with someone you have a laugh with on a free night was nice

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Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 08:30

WatchingTheDetective · 16/10/2025 08:24

You need to definitely remove your bank details from that Vinted account. Don't sell anything more until that's happened. I would contact him on his payday and tell him to transfer the money. I wouldn't dump him until I got the money but I wouldn't see him either.

I have removed it and maybe it was naive on my part but he knew I’d been having a hard time with my dd starting high school. Shes fine now going to student support but was terrified and refusing to due sensory issues. I didn’t think he’d be so insensitive under the circumstances i was so upset for a couple of weeks.

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Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 08:27

DEAROP · 16/10/2025 07:52

Did you see the money clear in his account? Just I've asked my son and he said that his always takes 2-3 working days to clear when he transfers the funds. He is with Barclays.

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Yeah he said it went straight in and out. It might for some people but like I said the 4 sales I have made it’s gone straight in. Im not a pro though like some.

OP posts:
WatchingTheDetective · 16/10/2025 08:24

You need to definitely remove your bank details from that Vinted account. Don't sell anything more until that's happened. I would contact him on his payday and tell him to transfer the money. I wouldn't dump him until I got the money but I wouldn't see him either.

MyDeftDuck · 16/10/2025 07:57

Definitely check why your bank details couldn’t be used for future reference. As for the bloke……he’s history as well as being an absolute shit! He must have been bloody overdrawn for his bank to take that money surely and was an even bigger shit for not telling you! ?