To feel sad about my kids growing up?

Yes ! <hand up>

I'm a maudlin parent 🤪

A generally positive person, but terrible for handwringing (internally) over DCs last this and their last that.

My youngest has started secondary and the last few days of her primary school last summer were sentimental agony !!!

The last wear of the little blue check summer uniform dresses - usually if big enough i'd keep for next year and see if they fit. But no!!! They don't have them at secondary i had to give them to charity and she'll never be in one again <waaaaah>

(i have pulled myself together. DH is even worse i will say!)

In terms of ‘lasts’ it could be worse OP. Give your head a wobble.

The second para reads like a social media post - which would be accompanied by an image of tiny hand in a parent’s hand - walking through the autumn leaves. Very picturesque.

I’m not suggesting this is the driver but I do find social media really bad for this sort of thing. It encourages a view that seems to suggest that the only happy and pure time in a mother’s life is with babies / toddlers which I don’t think is healthy. Parenthood is a hell of a long journey and the baby and toddler stage a passing part of it.

I much prefer being able to reason with a child who can talk, take themselves to the toilet, doesn’t fall to the floor sobbing because their sock wasn’t quite right! But I’ve had hostility from people on here who reckon teens (all teens, universally) are harder than toddlers.

I think a healthier approach generally is to try to get enjoyment from each stage. After all, her not falling asleep in your arms doesn’t mean the love is any less.

I do feel nostalgic about my dc being little and then i remember the awful bits like chicken pox and potty training and think thank goodness I don't have to do that again.

There are so many firsts to come for you. Just wait until their first nativity play, that's amazing. Although as they get older and the performances get technically better, they also get more expensive. My son's upcoming concert is £30 a ticket and he will have his back to the audience. It was free when he was 4 and playing shepherd number 5!

Some changes are hard. My eldest is at university and going off in the car, after dropping him off was so sad for me. But he is living his best life up there which helps. I miss him so much though and am counting the days until we can go and see him.

I was the other way around, always looking excitingly at what they will do next.

I agree that time flies but I find every stage of their lives exciting. Even now as young adults, I get excited at what's to come for them and how our relationship keeps evolving in a different way, but a fantastic one too. I'm grateful for everything we shared together in the past.

There might be lasts, like kissing a grazed knee (can’t see a 15 year old wanting that) but there are many many more firsts that you don’t realise because your kids are little.

@TheatricalLife is on the money. I do understand, OP - it’s hard feeling time march on, and it goes so quickly - but one just has to focus on the firsts!

My eldest has just started at university. I miss him enormously, but I am so excited for him and what the future holds. You’ve got years to go, OP! Just enjoy the moments as they come.

I do notice that those who seem to be really struggle with kids getting older don’t work or are a bit dissatisfied with their lives in general. Think it’s so important that we have identities beyond being mothers - it’s our job to get these kids out into the world.

It is hard, OP, never mind what the unsentimental crowd say! I still miss the little people my kids used to be.

I have two as well - older daughter, younger son. My son started secondary school in September and it really hit me how many “last firsts” there’ll be coming up now.

I try and focus on what a privilege it is to watch them growing into such extraordinary young people. And sometimes they can surprise you, when you think they’ll never do or want a certain thing again - we were walking in the woods a couple of weeks ago, and my daughter, who’s nearly 14, reached for my hand and held it as we walked round, which I found incredibly moving.

I didn’t say so, of course, she’d have been mortified. I just quietly enjoyed the moment.

This last line made me laugh.

OP have you tried daydreaming about grandkids?

Honestly, I don’t know how any of you have time to moon about being wistful about not changing nappies anymore and so on.

It’s a joy to see them grow. I have one child who is now a young teenager. They are not little toys for you to play with. They are humans who grow. Let them. Enjoy the ride and don’t waste time looking back. Look forwards with them.

Be grateful they are healthy and happy - but remember they won’t always be. There’s nothing to grieve or that would require therapy as far as I can see from your OP. If you mooch about being sad they will know and it will leach into them.

Think of all the fun times ahead. And expect the rough times too. It’s hard being a kid in today’s world - they need you strong and not in therapy because they are not small babies anymore and you miss that stage.

Honestly, no. I never had that feeling. I enjoyed every different stage and didn't look back. They're adults now with their own lives, and I have a lovely close relationship with all three of them in different ways.

Thinking about this too much sometimes floors me - occasionally, I actually feel winded. BUT, I think as your children get into their teens and young adulthood what actually is shocking is how much older it makes US feel. The children’s development is normal and healthy and in the natural order of things (if we’re lucky), but our ageing is terminal. That’s what I struggle with.

Does anyone else remember feeling old at about 6 because of the 80s attitude to "you're not little any more it's time to grow up!"

Anyway try not to let your 4 year old know she's getting on a bit

It never really goes away to be honest.

My beautiful blonde haired boy with the cutest little "wincy wincy spida" voice and perfect little toes no longer exists.

I now have a 6ft 30 year old gnarly toed amzing wonderful son that I'm so proud of.

I did dream about that little boy a few nights ago though, he's still there in my memories 🥰.

Also, as an antidote to sentimentality, think about how lucky you are that your child is happy and healthy and developing in such a way as to provide these ‘lasts’. Your child’s development is something to rejoice in, not something to mourn.

I also think grief for each stage is a natural part of motherhood for a lot of people.

I don't honestly think it is particularly natural to feel something as strong as "grief" over it, no.

I was heartbroken when my daughters went to university, but I didn't have feelings of being sad as they were growing up.

Yes to counting firsts!
I am 39 and had a first the other day (checked the tyre pressure on my car, lord knows how I got to this age without knowing how to do it 😅)
Next week it will be my first time on a sleeper train!

I don’t feel that at all. I get far more joy from watching my young DS learn and do new things than I do reminiscing about what has passed.

It's blowing my mind that some people on this thread aren't bothered by this.

My girl is only 16 months old, and I already feel an overwhelming sadness sometimes. I'm also absolutely overjoyed to watch her develop and grow, and there is lots I'm looking forward to, but equally I'm sad I'll never hold her as a newborn again, I'm sad she's stopped breastfeeding, I'll be extra sad when she doesn't want cuddling to sleep anymore.

Each stage is bittersweet to me. I don't think you need a therapist. I think it's a joy to watch them grow, but I also think grief for each stage is a natural part of motherhood for a lot of people.

My boy and girl are now 18. At school Sunday night to Friday afternoon but stay over if there's an 'good party'. It happened so fast.

Like you seem to - I relished the toddler/preschool/primary age. I loved the playgroups, the trips to park, the birthday parties. Going to see Santa, the Easter Bunny and all the wonderful family days out we had. I think as said above, there is a life time of 'firsts' all lined up waiting to happen. You will melt at her first time in school uniform, first assembly, school Nativity. First sports day. Concentrate on the firsts.

Amen to that. Enjoy my adult kids far more now than I ever did back then!

No. I focus on the firsts. My eldest is 30 and there are still firsts.

Oh how I rejoiced when the car seats, high chair, pram, etc, went to charity. The joy of leaving the school gate forever. Leaving the tediousness of the Oxford Reading Tree was a hallelujah moment.

There is so much fun to be had when they’re older! It’s different but it still comes with equal challenges and joys. You have so much ahead of you!
My oldest is now an adult and we have so much fun together. I also get to sleep way more which is lovely. I cried at every stage but then I enjoyed the next one.

The days are long, but the years are short. Mine is 19, and we have had such adventures as a family, and it's gone so fast. Only really in the last couple of years have I felt sad she's growing up, there have been many 'lasts' but I'm so grateful to have had the firsts too