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Original poster

Moving from private to state - was it a waste?

135 replies

MummyCookies · 15/10/2025 19:24

Fees becoming unbearable now so DD year 6 we are looking at state schools and she will hopefully get into our local state school come September.

I have a younger DD also in private year 4 and we are thinking of doing the same when she gets into year 6 too.

I just feel it’s been a waste that we spent/will spend so much from age 4 to age 11. Can anyone make me feel a little at ease with our choice please and advise if you did similar, I’m also debating whether to take younger dd out now. My eldest absolutely loves her school and I am so upset for her. She’s naturally a “nerd” and absolutely fits into the life at private school. I’m not so worried about younger one as she’s more feisty and more confident. I’m just really worried eldest DD will get bullied in our local state. It’s not great but it’s definitely not the worst one in area.

OP posts:
Wherethewildthings · 15/10/2025 19:41

RedLeggedPartridge · 15/10/2025 19:40

My DS is a quiet, hard-working, academic boy. He attempts our local bog-standard comp. He has found plenty of friends similar to him and is doing well.
Secondaries are big places, she will find her tribe there. No need to try and do anything to change/toughen her before she goes.

I also agree with this. She'll fit in fine just as she is.

RedLeggedPartridge · 15/10/2025 19:40

My DS is a quiet, hard-working, academic boy. He attempts our local bog-standard comp. He has found plenty of friends similar to him and is doing well.
Secondaries are big places, she will find her tribe there. No need to try and do anything to change/toughen her before she goes.

Wherethewildthings · 15/10/2025 19:39

Yes. I think if you potentially could afford it for sixth form then that is the time to spend the money, not now. There is a lot more support available in a good private compared to a state school (although kids will do well in a decent state), more help with university applications and interview prep, more revision clubs and days offered.

Original poster
MummyCookies · 15/10/2025 19:37

Lots of people are leaving in her year and headteacher was telling me the 6th form is half the capacity it should be.

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyCookies · 15/10/2025 19:35

@Wherethewildthings thank you. Sorry my head is frazzled right now - am I right in thinking that you mean take them out now and maybe consider for 6th form?

what exactly is the difference teaching wise in both sectors?

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyCookies · 15/10/2025 19:34

@DaisyDayz thank you! I’m just wondering whether to make her less geeky (sorry I sound awful I know) to prepare her for the state secondary. But I don’t want to change her personality

OP posts:
Wherethewildthings · 15/10/2025 19:32

I've taught in state and private, and I think until GCSEs and possibly even 6th form it's not worth the money. I'd definitely pull your younger daughter out now and go to a decent state school. Sixth form is different, that is much better (generally) at high achieving private schools.

Original poster
MummyCookies · 15/10/2025 19:32

@Teeheehee1579 thank you. Do you think senior school (private secondary) is any better? I’m upset she will never get to experience the secondary part of the school. It’s an all through from nursery to year 13.

OP posts:
DaisyDayz · 15/10/2025 19:32

It’s not a waste! you have invested in the early years and set the foundation well and protected them. No harm in that.

Your geeky dd may struggle at a rough and tumble state secondary but hold most kids learn to hold their own and find their tribe. If there is bullying you jump on that immediately - straight in to see head of year, don’t let that fester. No need to worry it will work out ok!

Teeheehee1579 · 15/10/2025 19:29

Not sure I am going to help you here but we had to move ours (one Y5 and one y3) during Covid (travel business on the rocks) and I don’t think private prep is worth it in the slightest on that basis. In fact youngest child who has ever known state has fared much better. It doesn’t put them ahead for anything but a very short time at state secondary so I wish we had not bothered.

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