Moving from private to state - was it a waste?

I have a very nerdy DS who’s never set foot in a private school.

He’s got 12 A stars at GCSE, 4 A grades at AS level and is on target for a 4 A stars at A level. No tutoring involved.

He’s got loads of friends at school.

It’s a 9 form entry school so big, but there are bigger. The advantage of bigger cohorts is that you are more likely to find your tribe.

You seem to have an awful lot of negative thoughts about state schools and their pupils. They (the schools and their pupils) are not all the same. It sounds as if you have no choice but to move your dc from private to state so you really need to get your head around this before you pass on your prejudices.

Inner London is known for good and excellent state schools and families are tbh often doing better than avarage. It's extremely hard to settle as a family in Inner London so absolutely not families without resources.

If you are in London, there are excellent state sixth forms with great results. So if it’s possible to stay until GCSES and then move, that’s an option.

But otherwise, consider it as an 11-16 school. There are lots of good and excellent state schools in London.

No of course it's not the norm for 93% of a cohort.

I felt it was a waste. When I moved my son to state in year 7, everyone said he’d be streets ahead of the other kids. He wasn’t. He wasn’t behind but was fair to middling. I moved him for both financial reasons, and the fact he hated it the private school. Ultimately he did well in state.

Most state secondary schools have sets for maths right from the early weeks. A child in my form was doing A-level further maths questions in Year 9.

Some comps are more overwhelming than others for shy, geeky kids. But there is usually a library and a group of children attached to it. Everyone finds their tribe.

Most state schools don't focus on gifted children on the same level as pricate schools can afford. Most gifted children do well anyway. Some gifted children I know of have a tutor at home working with them for extra challenges.
If you are in a grammar school area your could go for that. A gifted child should easily sit the 11+ for admission.

No, I wouldn’t say that’s the norm. We have some issues but rarely have fights and don’t need community officers at the shops.

No. It wasn’t a waste if it’s a good school.

My first child went to private until year 4, when we moved and she went into state. Private was much better academically. So much so that she spend years 5 and 6 at state bored because the level was just too low.

State did turn out to be better pastorally. Which was useful up to a point, but that was because she became dysregulated at school because of the sheer level of boredom.

Child 2 has been state throughout. It’s been good for diagnosis of her SEN, but I wish I’d been able to send her private. She’d have done so much better academically with the more individual attention. The small private atmosphere would probably have meant her problems would not have manifested so severely.

So no, you picked the school for a reason and that reason will still hold.

I teach in state secondary and we have geeky ones! Some schools have transition events in the summer holidays, it is worth mentioning your concerns to the school and if they have any of these she might be able to make friends before she starts.

My kids are in a mix of state and private and there's not really much difference, there are different tribes in each.

You need to be careful not to pass your feelings on to your child though - you come across as thinking all state schools are zoos or something.

Have you even looked around the schools? Or are you just looking at the numbers in isolation?

You are coming across all 'oh my poor precious flower won't be able to cope with those nasty rough dumb state school kids'.

But as most state educated children she will adapt. I have seen state primary schools with 15 children in class. It does happen. Your prive school child isn't that different from the state children.

Tbh I agree with the previous poster.

She has only ever known that school. You are being a snob and not thinking clearly to think that you need to change your child's personality to fit in. There are plenty of neeks in comps.

And I say this as someone whose children have been to state and private school.

Get a grip.

Have you been to your local school? What’s the reputation like? How do the kids behave? Does it have a decent OFSTED?

I think you’re falling into the trap of lazy stereotyping TBH, it sounds as though you think all private kids are studious nerds and kids in state schools are all streetwise layabouts. In most state schools there will be a real mix but best idea is to go and have a look around. But you do need to be aware of your own unconscious bias and how to manage your own reactions without influencing your DD.

Plus if your eldest loves learning and is happy I think that’s a decent investment for a start.

Given that 93 per cent of children in the UK go to state schools ..guess what..there might be some nerdy and academic children in her state school too !

Such a snobbish attitude that a bookish or academic child wont find like minded friends

My children's primary and now their secondary have wide ranges of all types of children's including plenty of nerdy types who love learning