Moving from private to state - was it a waste?

My DS went to a small village primary, only 16 children in his year. He wasn't happy because he had very little in common with the 6 other boys in his year.

He then went to our local comp - 300 pupils per year. He loved it. He was a geeky, nerdy boy who liked computers, Lego and books. He found his tribe there and thrived.

OP, you might not mean it, but you're coming across as a snob who is stereotyping state educated children. Please don't let your DD become aware of your attitude or she will be fearful. I'm sure she will settle in fine.

@MummyCookies If you can't afford private tuition from Y1 to Y13 then I think the most beneficial years would be Y9 to Y11. Or Y7 to Y11.

I'd take your younger daughter out now and save the money.

For 6th form its a little different as you have kids who choose to be there so I'd say private isn't worth it.

(I teach in a state secondary school)

Just about to move mine to private, I don’t think you’ve wasted a penny.

Tale of two cities - inner London includes plenty of families without resources who are able to access it through social housing

My friend had 1 child go through private school, and the other 2 chose to go to state school for secondary. They’ve all done well and got very similar gcse/a level results. When I asked her what she thought about the differences between the schools, academically and socially, she said:

’If a child wants to learn, and is motivated to do some extra self directed learning, they will do well at either. On a social front - State = cider and smoking weed, Private = champagne and snorting coke’

You’re missing the main advantage of a very large secondary school - everyone will generally find someone to get on with. Small schools can make for slim friendship pickings for some kids.
My child has found their neek crew at secondary.

If your child had a nice time at primary school I don’t see how it was money wasted. They enjoyed it. Isn’t that the whole purpose??

We are planning to stay private until year 6 and hopefully DD will smash the 11+, or get a scholarship. Since the addition of vat - private secondary school fees are now slightly out of our budget. We do think private schools (prep and secondary) are quantifiably worth it if you can afford the fees, so a big if.

My DC non selective inner city comp only sets in maths. It gets fantastic results and people are queuing round the block to get their kids in. Excellent teachers teach mixed ability groups as a matter of course. All the students benefit from the interaction with each other.

I have to say that the pearl clutching at the prospect of state is rather disappointing. If you can’t afford it then you can’t afford it. Embrace the dark side.

@MummyCookies If your kids are bright and motivated, I’d avoid a school that doesn’t set them. My kids’ school didn’t set for English, and my kids just said the disruptive pupils (who were usually less academic and therefore bored/unmotivated) dominated the lessons. For the teachers it became an exercise in crowd control, and therefore everyone learned less. I always felt really sorry for the less academic but enthusiastic pupils, being stuck in classes where not much teaching took place.

From my experience in both sectors, it isn’t a difference in quality of teaching (and I realise this will sound pedantic) but resourcing and environment. In the state sector, the ‘good’ teachers actually have to be, relatively speaking, more mindful of pedagogy and lesson planning, more deliberate in building skills and knowledge, and more creative in how they engage their pupils because, on average, pupils’ prior knowledge is lower and needs (behavioural and SEND) are greater. You often get better teaching per se in state out of necessity. That’s not to say there aren’t bad teachers in the state sector and great teachers in the private sector.

Where private often wins out is that they usually exclude a proportion of the population with the poorest skills and knowledge and greatest pastoral issues. This means that classes can be more focused and progress can seem to be greater, as the starting point is higher, (although relative progress in the state sector outstripped that in private at GCSE for the first time in 2024 I think). Classes will obviously often be smaller as well. As more students are skewed towards the top end in private, another way that teaching may seem to be better is that a larger amount of more challenging subject material is likely be covered, although nothing stellar that wouldn’t be in the grasp of a subject specialist with an undergraduate degree.

The poor behaviour of other pupils was why we chose to move from (so called excellent) state to private I’m afraid. Bullying, violence, unprompted assaults on pupils. When you go around I’d ask what consequences there for volience and bullying. If it’s all about ‘restorative conversations’ I’d be very concerned. If the school is prepared to permanently exclude I’d be less so.

I have no experience of private vs state but I moved across the country between y6 and y7 so knew no-one when I began state secondary. I would move the younger dc now so they build up a network of friends for secondary.

Some state schools are absolutely fantastic . There are lots of outstanding and good rated schools that have examination results that are far above the national average - your daughter would’ve had a good solid primary education so she should be in a good position to go to one of the better schools

The first 8 years are pivotal in child development. That and the final 4 years are most important in my opinion

There were more geeky girls at dds all girl state school than at the private schools! More cool girls in the private schools (who dd2 befriended as the state cohort too square 🙄).

She’s now at another state school for 6th form which is stuffed with kids from local private schools who moved there for 6th form

You’re seeing a small handful of kids misbehaving - this doesn’t mean every child at a state school behaves like this.
my DD is in year 8 at a state comp - she is very able and academic and she’s having a very positive experience. She is set in maths and English and enjoys a broad and balanced curriculum, with generally good behaviour in classes. She went through a state primary that was fairly middle of the road reputation wise, and was supported to get full marks in all her SATS papers. State schools are not all terrible and full of thugs

My child is year 8 in a state school, is bright and definately mathematically gifted. He is in the top sets and is working on extension tasks within that where needed. (I actually know this because I'm a teaching assistant in a College and the maths homework he has is similar to what I support our adults with on their maths GCSE course.) This may be a distinction between a good school that cares about all pupils, and a bad one that doesn't, but it is definately NOT just a distinction between state and private!

I think you need to go and look at the state schools and look extremely critically. Ask to see their learning apps if they have them and the powerpoint slides they use.

Ask how many kids there are in their classes, especially English (is it 30 or nearer 40).

Ask how many of their classes have teachers who have a degree in the subject they study. Ask especially about computer science and maths. Ask how many lessons have cover teachers, and how many times the named teacher for the science/maths classes have changed so far this year.

What are the punishments, what does the child need to do to be put in isolation.

Ask to see the documentation of any recent complaints that have gone to panel. These should be on display in reception.

And plenty of incredibly bright WC children too. Some of the brightest people at my university went to real sink schools and were first generation university students.

My son is gloriously geeky, loves learning and is thriving at state school. There are plenty of ferociously bright and studious children at state schools.
Yeah he doesn't get invited to the parties with the "cool gang" but he doesn't care. He has an awesome and fun group of friends

‘Fees are unbearable’.

That is all the info that’s needed. You can’t afford private school - end of, and you need to accept that.

Yes, it is a waste in your case, because you have set up quite a bit of schooling description when you likely knew it wasn’t financially sound.

Elaborate on the bullying concerns. What are they specifically?

There are plenty of geeky kids at state school too. She will find her tribe. 93% of kids in the U.K. go to state school. Not all of them are rough and ready. There are plenty of middle class ones too. Try not to stress.

Its not a waste. your child would have had so many experiences others didn’t.
We recently had many friends changing from private to state, and even to the best primary schools around, the difference is stark. There is so much less emphasis on bringing the best out of all children. Teachers just don’t have the bandwidth to look after the ones that reach “expected “.
I personally find primary more important than secondary, it sets children up with a love of learning, ability to organise themselves, and the willingness to work hard (even if they are on “expected “). At secondary age, they can apply these and use all opportunities provided to them.