Moving from private to state - was it a waste?

I'm curious what you mean by, 'protected them'?

Prep school is a waste of money if you can't afford it. Primary schools are not where the problems are.

Sounds like this state school could have benefited from a generous parental donation….

There are very clever, bookish, nerdy & wealthy dc in state schools particularly in London!

And people who could afford private but choose not to… there are several families with high six figure household incomes, second homes, etc in DS’s state primary class. And kids on FSM, and everything in between. It’s good for all of them to get used to mixing with different types of people.

OP’s child is not going to be the one rich kid in a sea of destitute Dickensian orphans. There will be doctors’ kids and lawyers’ kids and plenty of other “suitable” children for her to make friends with.

This is offensive. Why do you think that there are no geeks at state school? There are plenty, and I mean PLENTY of intelligent children who have a passion for something geeky like robotics, coding, chess and science who go to state schools. Take your head out of your backside.

Following with interest op as I’m in a similar predicament

I'm currently working temporarily in the prep department in a private school and the impression I'm currently getting is that private is only really worth it if your child is particularly talented at sports, creative arts or MFL, particularly in this school. If they are, it's opportunities galore. It's a different kind of education in my ways.

English and maths don't seem to be prioritised quite as much as the state schools I've worked in, but I suppose this is only one private school.

If it really feels unbearable. I’d rip off the plaster now andtake both kids out at the same time rather than leaving the younger one in until year 6.

If they both go to the same school, it will be a shared experience for them.
it will be really weird for the older one to see the younger one continuing to go to the private school.
Frankly, having two kids and two different schools is a pain in the butt!

With the fees you’ll save on a couple of years from the youngest one will make a difference

The benefit is the geeky / studious kids don’t have to put up with the little shits interrupting class all the time. Harsh but true I’m afraid.

One of the other schools we went to visit told me there are no sets and they mix all the kids - what does everyone think of this?

Not sure that's the norm. DD was set straight away.

Are you near good secondary options? there are excellent ones in London & then so do ones.

The academic evidence on setting and streaming is… well… that there is no benefit.

Most if not all secondaries do set, though. If you find one that doesn’t it would be interesting to find out why: they might have very legitimate evidence based reasons.

There are plenty of 'geeky' children in state schools. You probably just only notice the loud and unruly ones!

My dd goes to an 'average' state comp, has 'geeky' friends and they are all predicted top GCSE grades.

If your daughter is genuinely interested in learning she will do well in a state school. You can always supplement with some tutoring if you think she needs it.

I always think primary is where you can save money as there are so many good state options.

Check that the school ‘sets’ the classes. That would help any kid achieve their potential. Or at least, more so than one size fits all. Because in education, it really doesn’t.

That's all very well but the op can no longer afford it.

I could have written this. Plenty of bright book worms at state schools.

(I say this as the parent of 2 DC, one at private and one at state.)

I moved a child from state to private for primary, and it was incomparable. At private school school she had a small class, fantastic dedicated teachers and a wonderful approachable headteacher, and a creative pedagogy, which wasn't constrained by the national curriculum. Overall, so much more child centred and fun.

The state school was run down, with huge classes and overcrowded (up to 32/33 per class), and the teachers were often on sick leave. One year she had over 10 different supply teachers. It was a holding pen and nothing more. The headteacher was lazy and feckless.

Obviously, it depends on the individual schools, but in my experience it is definitely worth it.

All schools have a few badly behaved children in them. Your dd, I imagine, wouldn't be mixing with them. There are plenty of bright kids in state schools. She will make friends with like-minded children. Just make sure your aren't projecting your snobishness, if she acts above them that would go down like a lead balloon. (Edited as I used the word kids too many times!)

No it’s honest. You do know children who’s parents can’t afford private can be bookish ? You are being rude suggesting otherwise

My kids went to private school until year 4 and year 1. All the way through nursery too. It was a waste. I dont think it helped in any way and I think the pushiness of the teachers and parents have deeply affected my eldest. She lost her academic confidence and im still helping her to get it back 4 years later. I dont regret moving them to state school. I regret ever putting them in private school in the first place. It was a total waste of time, effort and money. They are much happier now with local friends and lots of playdates. They have found it harder with friends though because they weren't at the state primary from the start when friendship groups were made

I actually find it quite offensive that you think your child is too nerdy for state. I was a classic nerd (still am!) and I went to one of the roughest schools in the north of England in the 80s during all the miner's strikes. My Dad was a labourer, both parents had learning difficulties, and by the time I was 7 years old I'd surpassed both my parents academically, so no help there and definitely no money for tutoring.

I never had any issues with bullying, there were other nerds like me, and I still look back in awe at the sheer dedication of some of the teachers.
I did amazingly well, got great GSCEs and A-levels - I have a Ph.D. in a stem subject and work in tech.
Sorry OP, but my life experiences mean that I think private school is as useful as sitting in front of a fire and throwing £50 notes into it.