Moving from private to state - was it a waste?

Ops concerns are quite contradictory! On the one hand she’s concerned she’s wasted the money already spent on private school
but on the other hand she’s also worrying about not going private and her child ending up in a Grange Hill hellscape full of chavvy bullies!

I can really understand why you’re feeling torn — it’s such a hard decision when you’ve invested so much time, money, and emotion into a school that your child genuinely loves. But honestly, it’s not a waste at all. Those early years in private education likely gave your DD a strong foundation, both academically and in terms of confidence and learning habits. That doesn’t disappear just because she moves schools.
Transitioning to a state school can be an adjustment, of course, but plenty of children adapt quickly, especially when they already have good study habits and self-discipline. You might be surprised at how resilient kids can be — she might even thrive once she settles and finds her people.
As for bullying, it’s a valid concern, but it really depends on the specific school environment and how proactive the staff are. Maybe visit again, talk to teachers, and see how they handle pastoral care. Sometimes the fear is worse than the reality.
And about the money spent — think of it as giving her a head start, not a sunk cost. Those experiences shaped her, and that’s worth something no matter where she studies next.

I am baffled as to why you think state schools are more likely to contain bullies than private schools. We state school kids make up the vast majority of the population, we're not monsters.

I went from a prestigous grammar to local state in year 8. Not entirely the same but it was fine. All schools have bullies and mean girls whatver kind of school they are, and she will find her people and get on with things.
One thing ai dis find was that the work pace was slower, I was doing year 9 work in year 8 at grammar and then coasted for a year when I moved as I had already done everything.
I did learn to drop my Ts though to sound cool 😂but they soon came back when I started work. All my state friends are semi geeks and have good jobs and lives. Unless you in one of those areas where there is lots of antisocial behaviour then the kids are just normal kids from all walks of life. State parets at our sons secondary range from Dr, lawyer, to Kids football coach to wealthy entrepreneur with multiple businesses, to working on the till at the local shop, hairdresser, accountant, you name it, the lot. I like the mix, its interesting.

Ours sets 4 form classes into 5 sets for some subjects. The top set generally has 30 children in it, higher ability, can move quickly forward all together. As the sets “decrease”, there are fewer and fewer children in each set, so they have a higher staff:student ratio. The lowest set might have less than 10 children. This helps the less able students to progress and not get left behind. It seems like a great way of managing it to me.

I don’t think this message is aggressive or nasty. It’s just realistic. There are nerdy academic kids in every school.

She’s right though. Your child is, like the vast vast majority of children in this country, going to be fine at a state school.

education is never wasted, nor the experience.
would you be willing to post the 10 nearest secondaries (inner city london should be easy enough all while keeping it a bit anonymous) and of those people might be able to assist you.
personally for me it's all about size and atmosphere (smaller and friendly) in the right environment a child will do well.

Also in my experience very high end public schools aren’t necessarily full of super academic children. There is a lot of status and connections involved, parents wanting that elite experience. Massively more party culture than my children experienced at state.

I answering the question: yes it is worth it. It is useful to know that money already spent is not wasted.

Private is increasingly a waste. My best friend sends her children to private and every year she complains about it more and more. Online bullying, parents going at eachother on WhatsApp groups, kids not excelling academically and zero support for SEND.

My children go to what I can only describe as a borderline failing comp and they get amazing results, no problem with bullies and have the benefit of a huge pool of friends. Also they mix with a wide variety of kids, from all walks of life and.... that's real life. It's preparing them for the real world.

I gave them loads, as did other parents. There was a very active PTA which raised 10s of thousands each year. None of that could change mismanagement by the head and staff who spent more time on sick leave than at work.

Have you looked round the schools to compare them? For my DC there was a state school with better academic results but the culture didn't seem nice - I was surprised to visit one with not as good results (but still above average) with a really lovely encouraging culture. Personally I'd ask to look round to get a feel for the culture and directly ask them about their bullying policies etc

However most of my family went to private schools and there was certainly bullying in those schools too. I went to an average state school and there was very little bullying, so again I think it depends on the individual school rather than private Vs state.

But if you think about it your worry isn’t reasonable.

Why should children who attend state school be more inclined to bully than those who can afford private?

Change is often daunting but just think how it sounds to the parents of your DD’s soon-to-be classmates that you worry that their kids will bully yours.

I hope your Dd settles quickly and finds friends.

If you don’t have enough to fund private school
but do have some extra to play with, then maybe think about the extra-curriculars that your daughter could pick up to feed any interests not met at the new school and to widen her circle if friends. If she started a couple of clubs now then she’d have some new friends out of school by the time she changes schools, this might give her a stronger foundation to feel confident about whilst making the transition.

There are good state schools and bad state schools. Where I grew up there was a state school (one of the best in the country) that sent a third of their leavers to Oxbridge each year.

I personally don't see much value in private education when there are bad private schools and some really excellent state schools. But personally I would choose a good state school to send my DC to - I wouldn't send them to a badly performing state school or one with bullying etc problems. There's lots of academic/geeky kids in state schools also, so that shouldn't be a worry

I will get shouted at by private school parents but frankly if the state schools are decent I wouldn’t bother. We didn’t neither did the majority of our friends (middle class professionals) and coming out the other end one Dd now at RG university one in 6th form both girls said how much they’ve enjoyed their school years their results are brilliant and they have lovely friends. Genuinely don’t know what we would have been paying those vast sums for.

But it’s subjective and depends what the state option is like there are variations.

There are loads of geeky, nerdy kids at state schools. It's interesting because people all worry about their smaller private school children being potentially bullied at state school, and yet when it comes to university, it's the other way around - people worry about the private school kids bullying the state-educated ones. Somewhere between the ages of 11 and 18, there seems to be a sea change....

I think moving earlier is easier than later. My oldesr went all the way through and would have been devastated to leave at sixth from. On the other hand, he’s the one who is out of touch of what a normal family can afford on cars, houses, holidays etc 😂

It’s not a waste if they were happy.

That said my tiny rural state primary was absolutely rubbish but many ex pupils ended up at Oxbridge / with first class degrees so I’ve never got that exercised about pushing young children academically at primary.

I have four children who have all done various combinations of private/state at all
levels from Y1 to Y12. It’s not a waste. I think a lot of valuable groundwork is done in the early years and that work ethic, expectation and mindset will carry your child through. Every school has hard workers and those who want to break the rules. Your child will
do well because they have you behind them. Good luck. All we can do is our best at the time.