Moving from private to state - was it a waste?

Can I also add there are MANY of us who can afford private education but choose not to for many reasons!

So at the moment you are spending probably around £30k per year on education, which might need topping up with tutors...

Instead you could...

• supplement her education with £10k now on extra curricular, music lessons, equipment, targeted tutoring
• save £10k for future education
• put £10k into the general family pot to improve things for everyone

I have a geeky DD. Of my two, she's the one we wouldn't move if we won the lottery as of how well she is flourishing in her state school. Fir Maths and Science, the top set is now accelerating away from the others and no one will move into it (as they are doing extra GCSEs) but it was more fluid in Yr7-9. English she is second set (of 4) but her teacher is brilliant and the whole class is quite focused.

I also agree with previous poster TBH

Hope your child settles at new school

As for the lack of sets, DD's school had sets for maths, English and sciences, but not for other subjects. She achieved grade 9s for her GCSEs in humanities (along with other subjects), studied them at 6th form, Oxbridge & is waiting for her Master's degree result now. Her teachers were able to stretch her and support others, because they are used to dealing with all kinds of ability.

There are also plenty of wealthy families who send their children to state school. Look at your local tennis club, choir etc. Plenty of normal children at those. I do wonder if you have fallen for the private school blurb a little too much. They are desperate for your money and fellow parents also want confirmation that they are having their children "the best". Of course they will all highlight the downsides of state schools. Confirmation bias.

Agree the premise that a geeky child that wants to work will be bullied in a state school is pretty offensive. And akin to the nonsense Dh and I had to listen to at our old job. I know these schools are businesses that need to differentiate to justify the fees but wish they wouldn’t disparage state schools as part of that.

I'm sure you didn't mean to be rude, but this is actually quite offensive. Do you and your family not socialise with anyone educated in the state sector for you to realise that the rest of society are just normal people with a combination of geeks, sensitive souls, nice children who struggle academically, those destined for Oxbridge, sports stars, those with 2 left feet....etc.

Just like you, they can't afford a private education for their children. It doesn't mean their children are feral knife pulling future gang members.

The fear of state comes across from some parents. Have had several parents of younger children who’ve gone private for prep boast in awed tones about the amazing things their children were doing then describing perfectly bog standard things that all primaries do. Remember one neighbour saying loudly how their child was getting to be in a nativity play which were of course banned at state schools. The rest of us were 🙄.

Actually had this often when Dh and I worked in the City pretty much everyone else was privately educated and they assumed we were too. Disparaging comments were made about how state schools were full of knife wielding ferals and did no sport while we had to just sit there. Awks.

I would reconsider the faith school. I used to teach in one and we had lots of children of different faiths and some of no faith at all. A good school is a good school.

As far as the grammar school is concerned, have you calculated the cost of getting her there and back by cab? You may find you still save a lot of money compared to school fees and you might find some other local parents who are prepared to have their child share the cab (and therefore the cost). It shouldn't be hard to find a local firm to give you a quote on a contract (which would be cheaper than just paying by the meter).

Interesting to read this. Friends whose children have moved at 11 from our state primary to selective independents say that the kids from state primary are actually ahead of those from the independent schools’ prep departments in Maths and English, but that the prep kids are generally better at music and have spent more time on drama, art etc. so are more “rounded”. If you go for a state school I guess you have to be prepared to provide those “extras” out of school.

Perhaps parents could use an iota of common sense then??

Moved both my kids from private primary to state secondary. DS now at a top uni, same standard as all his private friends that stayed private. More people got into Oxbridge from his school than the local private ones. DS probably had to work harder to get his 9s and Astars at Alevel in a mixed ability school than a private spoon fed academic one. My advice is try and get in the better sets for maths and English and do triple science as that only attracts the interested. State 6th form is good. Everyone is there because they want to be.

93%/94% of children go to state schools, and many of them are incredibly bright, 'nerdy' and all the rest of it and get excellent educations, and go into all sorts of professions.
So the idea that somehow letting your kids go to state school is something to feel bad about, is fairly insulting to the rest of us! IMHO ( in the education profession) your DCs will have a much more diverse and wellrounded experience, so dry your tears and save your money.

OP, you have said that you could afford to send them - I’d unhesitatingly keep at least your older DD in her current school until the end of GCSEs, and then consider a state school for the sixth firm, both because a state school is more favourably looked in by universities these days, and because the worst of the pupils at state school will have gone off to do some other form of education rather than A levels. (Do check, though, that whichever sixth form you choose actually offers the combination of A levels that she wants to take.) Your DD will do better in smaller classes and with her friends. If your younger DD is doing well and you can manage it, then leave her there - a good education is with you for life. It’s certainly worth sacrificing a few holidays and luxuries for the sake of their education.

I’m sending my daughter and son to private prep and have no intention of private secondary. We have excellent grammars in the area which I hope they’ll be accepted too, do you have that option at all?

As well as this though, private school classes are much smaller, the classes are more controlled etc… this suits my daughter brilliantly. She’s only 4 and I didn’t feel comfortable with her in a class of 30 children to one child. I will of course feel differently when she’s 11 and more independent.

My son is currently Year 10 at our local state secondary school. He's a bit on the geeky side, tends to go his own way, doesn't follow the crowd, and tries hard at school. He's average and slightly above average in some if his classes. His school have sets for Maths, English, Science and PE, the rest are mixed ability. Some schools start children in Year 7 in mixed ability classes - they usually have tests for first 2 weeks of school in September. These tests, along with the SATS results from Year 6, help the secondary school assign children to their sets for core subjects. Then from half-term or even after Christmas, they are in sets for core subjects. Behaviour is probably one of the most important issues. You will find a complete mixed bunch of kids in a state secondary school, from all walks of life, background and family situations. There will always be some children who can't behave, constantly in detention etc. However, if the vast majority can behave, can learn and follow the rules, the school is usually a good one. No school is going to be 'perfect', so my advice is to be realistic with your expectations. Your daughter will find people to fit in with, so pleased don't worry about this. You need to give her realistic expectations too.

A waste of think and it will be a massive adjustment for your DC.

Not entirely surprising given Mumsnet tends to attract a high percentage of well educated people.

But then everyone on mumsnet has “extremely bright” teens who are top set at every subject 😀

Mine preferred the mid level sets for subjects they struggled with as they were smaller and you got more teacher input. To be fair school very fluid with setting - you went up and down quite frequently

Agree, I would have worked 3 jobs to send my very bright son private if his school didn't set.
Even with sets he's floating along at the top of the top set but at least theres a nice learning environment in the top sets

Your instincts here are correct. There’s a vast chasm between lower and higher abilities at secondary, so failure to set pretty much guarantees your child will not be pushed. I’d avoid such a school.

Well, it’s not easy to realise you’ve blued tens of thousands of pounds on prep fees for no real point or advantage. The value add for prep is certainly very small these days given the size of the fees, and that most primaries are good enough.

We attended a good state secondary open evening last night. Loads of attendees in the uniform of local prep schools, and each y7 has a good chunk of ex private kids. My DC said the only difference is that those kids already know how to tie a tie; they certainly aren’t any stronger academically.

To be fair private schools do use fear of state schools to keep parents with them…

This was the standout point for me. I would only send your DD to a school that had streaming/sets. She’ll be bored stiff otherwise. Abd no, I don’t think the money you spent on private school was wasted. Sounds like your DC have really enjoyed school and have worked to a high standard, which will have given them a great foundation

My daughters primary class in the village school was 17. She went to the local school and all was well. We used to joke it was like a private school education.