Asking partner not to eat food I’m severely allergic to ?

Your partner sounds very sensible and thoughtful and his mother sounds deranged. She's the one being controlling by trying to get him to eat the same meal as her.

Your mil needs to mind her own business. Of course yanbu! Not taking the risk of harming someone you love, (or having to stay away from them for a long time) is obviously more important than not eating a couple of foods! There are plenty of different foods not eating a few is nbd!

Love and commitment to another person often, if not always, involves sacrifice and compromise. Of course you aren't being unreasonable OP! I'm severely allergic to peanuts and carry an epipen. My DH does not eat nuts around me, we don't have anything with nuts in the house, he wouldn't eat nuts out of the house in case of contamination. I'd do the same for him. It's not unreasonable to want to protect the life of the person you love. Your MIL is being ridiculous. How would she expect you to behave if your DH was the one with the allergy? I'm also allergic to lots of things like handwash, washing liquids etc. Does my DH insist on using the products I'm allergic to? Of course not! He cares for me, so he compromises. That's what relationships are all about. My DD had a CMP allergy when she was little. Did I give up all dairy products whilst I was breastfeeding? Of course I did! We make sacrifices for the well being of the people we love.

Your MIL is being ridiculous and interfering, not to mention shockingly lacking in understanding about how serious allergies can be. She obviously has a problem with the fact that she thinks her son is being deprived and that it’s your fault. Jesus, he’s a grown adult, capable of making his own decisions. He is putting your health, indeed your life, above eating a bit of cod. Good for him.

mermaidproblems Some people just don’t understand when you have a bad allergy, you hope your family and friends will listen to this death threat hanging over you.
A person who never has had a problem in their life can wake up one morning and find out they have one. Others think it is a joke, think it is an intrusion in their wonderful life because they are deprived of a food or material or animal because they want it now! and s to the person who is depriving them.

So what you’ve said on the thread title is different to what you say on your thread. You haven’t asked your partner not to, he chooses not to. He chooses not because he’s seen you having an allergic reaction first hand. His mother can take it up with him and he can explain it surely. Why is it down to you?

interesting that you distance yourself from “his choice”. Would you be ok if he often or sometimes eats things you are severely allergic to and not see you for 24
hours? Have you told him that?

Is this the first time this has come up in 12 years?

What a win for both of us. I’m extremely fortunate that my friends aren’t selfish.

You have been together for 12 years and only NOW your MiL brings it up??

She sounds a controlling nutter, wanting EVERYONE to eat the same!

It is funny how people accuse you of their own faults

@Luckyingame @CopperWhite you both didn't read the full thread or even OP's updates, did you?

I do think that this is at the core of it.

MIL tried to prove (probably to herself) that she is still the "priniciple" woman in her sons life. But when it became clear that he put her second to his wife, she spat her dummy. And she did it by accusing the OP of being controlling because then, in her head, she still would be the "principle" woman except for that bitch who wont let him put mummy first as she knows he wants to really.

As I’ve aged I’m now allergic to a fruit (apparently it’s a very uncommon allergy hence not stating which fruit). Due to my reaction, my DH will avoid eating or touching it if he’s seing me in the next 4 hours. DH loves me and doesn’t want to make me very ill, so he rarely eats it now. I have not banned him!
OP’s DH also loves OP, therefore he is, rightly, avoiding her allergens.

I never cease to be confused as to why people get so upset over what other people are eating (unless it's something particularly disgusting).

I mean, why does it affect your MIL if your DH is not eating fish and chips?

It sounds like your DH didn't do a very good job at convincing his Mother that it's HIS decision not to eat fish. Does she not believe him, or did your DP play the decision down a bit?

Exactly. Why does MIL think she can dictate what DH does eat and berates OP under the impression that OP dictates what DH cannot eat!

Have you bothered to read the fucking thread? He has chosen to not eat the foods that could kill his wife even hours after he's eaten and showered, cleaned his teeth etc.
Are you really that stupid to not know some allergies can kill. Fml.

Really scary how many people here don’t understand how allergies work

MIL sounds like a dick.

It’s literally none of her business & even if you had ‘forced’ him to stay away from these foods, what’s that got to do with her?

Cheeky cow.

Did you respond to her message?

I would block her number and ignore. How rude.

It’s all based on context. You had a bad reaction from kissing 8 hours after your partner ate fish so HE HAS decided to not eat fish out of consideration. It’s not you being controlling at all!! She’s batshit, out of line, and I wouldn’t engage with her ever again tbh. All messaging through partner.

No coincidence she invited him to a fish supper, is it, and then created a new social etiquette where one person has fish, all people have fish. She's just a control freak who thinks her precious son is too considerate of another women when he should only love his mummy.

A young relative of mine has a fish allergy. We just never cook or eat fish if they are visiting- its not there in the kitchen. It's not difficult. That doesn't cut out loads of food options. It's just the easiest way to keep them safe and feeling safe.

MIL is being completely unreasonable. What a selfish attitude. Never be afraid to advocate for your own health OP, your life depends on it.

You explained in the thread that you are not asking him not to eat the fish. Your title says exactly that. It made the thread confusing.

YANBU.

Good on your DH for taking your health seriously and staying away from fish. I agree with his stance, but even if I didn't - it's between the two of you. He should tell MiL to butt out. It doesn't even affect her - not as if he's expecting her to cook a separate meal or change what she's eating!

So she wanted them both to eat the same thing and as she wanted fish and chips, he had to have them too?

And YOU are the one being accused of being controlling?

Does this woman have no self awareness whatsoever?!