Asking partner not to eat food I’m severely allergic to ?

When we go out we all have different things. Even at a fish and chip shop. Would she act as if it was spoiling things for her if he went vegan and chose the vegan option.

I remember my first fiancé and I used to choose different things at restaurants, but after we split we went out for an Italian with some youth leader friends and we chose the same options because those were what we liked and neither of us wanted to choose differently.

asking a very ignorant question here. What do you do when at a restaurant or shopping? I notice most fish counters are open. Will this affect you too?

Cross contamination doesn't work like that

This is exactly what I'm thinking.

Not sure why there's so many people asking you questions about it, trying to catch you out. He's a grown man and can make his own decisions, end of.

I’ve heard of allergies where people have reacted from contamination from another person. Your DP needs to sort this out. I would treat her with suspicion because she doesn’t seem to take this seriously enough.

Slightly different take, but my stepdaughter has Coeliacs. So when she is with us (weekends and most of the school hols) we eat gluten free foods.

He can eat what he likes when he’s around other people, brush his teeth and just be careful around you. Little more difficult to do if you live together, however Shellfish and peanuts are a small part of a massive food group so? Not sure what his problem is….. especially if it will be an anaphylactic reaction…. Ya know…. Death n all that jazz. He’s being selfish.

its not yout battle. its his. shes not caring. he is. she probably thinks you fake it. let him deal with it. thank him for understanding. hes seen what can happen. you are right. you'd do this for him. ignore her. let him sort this.

Quite agree. He’s a (very sensible and considerate) adult.
Btw I haven’t heard the term ‘cowbag’ since I was a teenager (decades ago!) 😀 I’ll have to start using it again.

Blimey what a horrible MIL.
i work in theatre & now & again there are signs at stage door not to bring nuts into the building : severe allergy notice
your Mil is being very selfish; but your husband needs to put his foot down xx

Most of us know when you have a severe allergy you can react to the tiniest bit of it. You are quite right to ask your partner not to eat certain foods. Unfortunately, others don't have the understanding of how life or death this can be.
I doubt you will change mil's attitude unless she wants to comprehend the situation.

DD's new partner has a severe nut allergy. We take it seriously. We have nuts at home but they stay in cupboard when partner comes for dinner. DD has nuts in her packed lunch but is mindful of not eating them when she is due to go to his house. He would never tell her not to eat nuts when she's at our house without him. We keep Epi pen just in case but would never do anything to risk his health.

So you have Anaphalyxis and have Epi Pens I presume? My daughter is Peanuts though has Epi Pens and only if ingested. I would allow other people to eat them no problem.

Your DH is being responsible. Your MIL is being ridiculous. Brushing teeth / seeing him later isn't enough for some people with allergies. Not worth the risk when it's so easy to avoid fish.

He MUST have fish because she's having fish? Someone has control problem and it isn't you op.

Don't entertain her nonsense. Get DH to put her straight.

You do realise OP could die?

Where did you get your qualification in allergens and anaphylaxix reactions? So many people clearly don't have a clue

What did he say to his mum after she sent you that text OP?

Youve gone quite far into the thread surely and read enough posts to realise that the thread title is not the best description of the issue.
Honestly, people on mumsnet seem to jump on any tiny discrepency , as if theyre a wannabe sherlock fckn holmes.
Of course OP doesnt want her partner to eat the things that would kill her if he came home and kissed her after.
It seems likely that there would have been discussions more than once about it, and asking him not to if he wants to be with her, is not the same as telling someone what to do

The whole point is that OP's DH doesn't want to eat fish because he knows how dangerous it is for OP but his mum is angry because, apparently, if she has fish and chips when eating out with her son, he needs to have the same thing. OP's MIL was completing out of order for sending her a text telling her that she is controlling.

Everyone seems to think DP is being controlled. You obviously do not know about severe food allergies that people can die from. I work with someone whose son has a severe nut allergy, she NEVER eats anything with nuts in as when she ges home he will have an attack.

I am severely allergic to fish. After having fish years ago DH washed his hands, face etc and brushed his teeth. He kissed me goodnight several hours later and I had an allergic reaction. So yes, it can definitely happen. Fish is banned in our house and DH avoids it

Hang on a minute, your thread title says, ‘aibu for asking partner not to eat food I am allergic to’

This implies that it is not something that he has ‘chosen’, it is something you have asked of him. That’s not the same thing. It sounds to me like you’ve laid on the emotional pressure by making him look like a shit if he doesn’t ‘protect you’ by never eating foods that you are allergic to. I think YABU and are now trying to back peddle by making yourself look like the victim.

OP has already described her allergic reaction to a kiss even though it was hours after his meal and DH had washed his mouth. Such serious allergies are absolutely life threatening. There's no good reason ever to put her health at risk just to enjoy a particular food, still less to pander to the MiL

My Ddad nearly died from an anaphylactic reaction. His lungs swelled up and caused permanent damage and he never fully recovered. He lived with COPD for 30 years due to shellfish.

Your MIL is a totally stupid cunt.

Ok….so she is the one here being unreasonably controlling and telling him what he should eat.

Surely its not that confusing?

He can make his own decisions, but it would make for a difficult relationship if he couldnt come near her because she could end up in hospital or dead.