Asking partner not to eat food I’m severely allergic to ?

Maybe he wants to kiss his girlfriend when he comes home from his Mum's. It doesn't sound like she likes her son's girlfriend very much.😕

Ok yeah this is psychotic! “Wanted them to have the same” 🙄 she needs to get a grip would she kick off if he just fancied a sausage supper instead 🤣

That's terrible. I had no idea allergies could be so extreme! I've never known anyone allergic to anything, really... Just heard about it.

I think your DP needs to speak with his mum and tell her two things: firstly you are severely allergic (even kissing after he's had fish causes a reaction) and secondly he has decided not to have fish. It's his decision, you didn't push for it; you're quite ok with him having it and sleeping in the spare room. That's the root of the problem - not you at all!

It's probably grown to be far bigger in MIL's mind than it needs to be. I think the majority of people (myself included) would just want to avoid something a partner was allergic to. One of our colleagues is highly allergic to nuts, if we have a catered event we just ensure there are no nuts and no nut oil for everyone. If DH was allergic to something I wouldn't have it in the house, I might have it on the first night away of a trip without him if I really wanted it although I can't imagine feel that hard done by. It's common sense - we're not deprived, but being sensible.

Not sure why your dh wouldn't just have said to his mum, I don't want/like fish anymore I would rather have something else. He didn't need to mention you at all.

Someone eating prawns or nuts then having close contact would definitely set my ds allergic reaction off. Fish, shellfish and nuts are inside the person that eats them, in their saliva and body fluids, traces in their hair, hands, clothes. It’s not nice.
My MIL actually shouted at me that I was ridiculous when she had eaten nuts and it gave ds an allergic reaction when she hugged him and kissed him on the cheek 24 hours after she had eaten the nuts - she denied it had anything to do with her but the rash/hives on his face where she kissed him and the wheezing was very obvious within a few minutes. Upsetting and unnecessary.

It was his choice. The irony of her calling you controlling.

You have been together a long time so presumably he has not eaten fish during that time? I wonder why his mother is so upset about it after 12 years of not eating it?

Firstly I would worry as he should love you enough to not want to risk your life and be able to stand up to his mother.

My son has a kiwi allergy and he only requires an antihistamine thankfully. But I have banned kiwis in our house!

You are not being unreasonable. Twice I've had an allergic reaction (not the full psychedelic horror show of projectile vomiting, ditto other end and hallucinating I was actually dead, but bad enough) from having fish cut on a board someone had used for oysters. The full-blown oyster allergy lasts a good 48 hours, last time I had it.

Highlighting this for all the people that think allergy sufferers need to ‘take responsibility for themselves’ and ‘just use their EpiPen’ so that other people can eat whatever they want regardless - EpiPens aren’t a magic solution cancelling out effects of an allergy, sadly.

PP - sorry to hear about your Dad

(had to edit because I somehow hit post before I’d finished typing!)

Tell her never to come between a man and his wife 😂🤣

But it does affect her. If you go to OP’s post and click “see all” in the bottom right hand corner of it you can see all the comments OP has made in this thread. There you will see that she had severe anaphylactic shock after kissing him some 8 hours after he had consumed fish, despite him having brushed his teeth.

Some allergies are so severe that people cannot be in the same room as the allergen hours after the allergen has been there (I knew someone with a fish allergy who ended up hospitalised because wrapped fish from the fishmongers had been in the house a few hours earlier). I have a very sensitive non coeliac gluten intolerance and if my DP has had gluten, I can’t have any physical contact with him, including sleeping in the same bed, or I get debilitating symptoms that last sometimes weeks. I have to be incredibly careful to avoid cross contact, but I can’t even imagine how terrifying it must be with a life threatening allergy, and completely understand why OP’s DH doesn’t want to risk her health, for the sake of eating fish especially when there are plenty of other options available.

I can’t think of a single food I absolutely must consume and wouldn’t happily cut out if it had the slightest potential of causing a risk to someone else’s life/health/wellbeing … and this is coming from someone already with a fairly limited range of food options due to numerous food allergies and intolerances!

It depends if you see fish and chips as more important than not dying. I think I know what my priority is.

But OP's partner didn't want to eat the fish. It was his mum insisting that if she had fish and chips, he had to have the same as her which is batshit at best and controlling and deliberately harmful to OP at worst.

Show him his mother's message.

She is trying to tell you what you can and can't ask of your husband. Resenting the changes his relationship with you had made. Being the same kind of controller she's calling you. 🤷‍♀️

Remind him he's agreed to this to support and care for you, and to respect your health and well-being needs - and how very happy you are that he's doing this when you aren't there, showing he understands.

Ask him to deal with his mother, manage her attitudes and help her change her behaviour (maybe not in quite those words!).

Perhaps a graphic piece of education on what could happen if you encounter a person who's just had fish - I imagine a kiss, sex or just sleeping in the same bed could trigger a reaction!

Aww flip sake, the mother is a nasty, controlling woman. He has made the decision to go fish free.. he needs to make that clear. Let her jog on

Your MIL is the controlling needy bitch. Tell her to feck right off and keep her opinions to herself.

I know that's what it sounded like, but it would be different if I was with someone that long and they suddenly developed an allergy, but I'd be questioning if it was worth it if it was someone i'd just started seeing. It is after all, quite a radical restriction you'd be placing on your diet for a food you loved.

My god what a brave foolhardy woman standing up to her DIL. I agree with everything mine says because they can be lethal.

Maybe she would have a reaction if he kisses her after eating.

If he kisses her maybe.

I think there’s a lot of people in this thread who have no idea of how serious an allergy can be. The OP has clearly stated she had a reaction many hours after DP consumed fish previously. It is not safe for him to do so, his DM is being V unreasonable. OP, your DP needs to tell her this. YANBU.

My Ddad used Epi pens and still suffered a life changing injury due to an allergic reaction. People have no idea. It’s not just a bit of swelling.

Not kidding, it was a question very early on in the thread to understand the severity. Lots of people are able to hold off from kissing until they have cleaned their teeth. There are also lots of allergies where a trace amount is not an issue.

Chips are often cooked in the same oil as the fish and contain trace amounts but the OPs DH hasn’t given them up.