Asking partner not to eat food I’m severely allergic to ?

Heavens. Where to begin with this stream of invective.

And FWIW - anyone who throws around vast generalisations about spoiled only children needs to reflect a bit on their narrow world view. What your entire post says is that neither your DIL nor son obey you and you don't like it.

It seems that a lot of well meaning replies are from people who don’t fully understand severe allergies. My sister has a lot of allergies and has been hospitalised.

DH and I were on a flight where we were all asked not to eat anything with nuts during the flight as a passenger had a severe allergy.

PS. Your mil needs to mind her own business. Allergies aside, I eat what I want, not what others wish me to eat.

YANBU
My cousin kissed his wife good-bye, going back to work after lunch, forgetting for a split second that she had eaten fish just shortly before, and he had a serious reaction.

It’s perfectly reasonable to avoid foods that your spouse is allergic to, better safe than sorry.

It’s an allergy and not just you telling him he can’t eat something for the fun of it. If MIL doesn’t understand or care about that then unfortunately you have a problematic MIL. Also why does she have to eat fish and chips with him when there are limitless other options…

I hope your DH has had strong words with her, otherwise I wonder if he said something about it to her.

this is the problem with people not truly understanding allergic reactions that can kill you. not intolerances. any trace could kill someone; kissing, toothbrushes...a tiny spec.

I bet he has been moaning about it to her, most would fond it hard to give up things they love to eat.
Sounds like he isn’t happy and is allowing his mum to take the blame.

I’m allergic to shellfish. My husband loves it. So on occasion he will eat shellfish and he doesn’t kiss or hug me until he has washed his teeth and had a shower. It’s alway cooked and eaten outside of our house so I don’t pick up anything. Will this not work for you?

I’m seriously allergic to shellfish. We don’t have it in the house and my husband doesn’t get it if we go out after a scary situation. He does get it if he’s out without me but just stays away from me for a day after as he likes it. My in-laws think I’m being dramatic and order it loads when we are out. I have to have long conversations with the waitstaff about cross contamination and share nothing. They just don’t think - put their hands in the water jug after eating crab legs etc etc.

Anyway, clearly your MIL doesn’t get a vote even if you were being dramatic but you really aren’t. Allergies are exhausting and scary and overwhelming so however you can feel more secure is a good thing.

The problem is OP’s title literally speaks about her asking him not to eat the food. It’s a bit at odds with how she describes the situation later.

You are NOT being unreasonable.

However, people generally don't understand severe allergies (unless they have one or have seen one themselves) and it's on your husband to explain to his mother. I'm sure this is partly down to people who have an intolerance or dislike using the word 'allergy' inappropriately. It would be a lot easier if it was just called Death. As in, "I have Fish Death". Or "I have Nut Death" because then maybe it would be understood better.

I understand from my daughter's allergy consultant that the more you are exposed to an allergen, the faster and the worse the reactions get, so you are not being unreasonable at all.

People are very hard of understanding on this thread. OP says that she DOESNT MIND, but that she must avoid physical contact for 24 hours. Thats easy enough to understand.

Would contact from his mouth cause you problems? If it is that severe, then his mother needs to be told.

Definitely not being unreasonable. I developed life-threatening allergies in my twenties and it controls your life in many ways. It's not much to ask your partner to avoid certain foods around you.

My previous partners have minimised my allergies and tried to test me by deliberately giving me foods I'm allergic to just to see if it's true.

With the greatest respect: I think y ou are also allergic to your mother-in-law.

I gave up dairy as my child has severe allergies. It’s tough in some ways as it’s in everything and I love cheese/chocolate/ice cream but anaphylaxis is terrifying. Once someone you love has a reaction it suddenly becomes easier to avoid the risk - is the mars bar worth a hospital visit is the question running through your head. It’s very hard to understand unless you’ve lived that life though! Ultimately the OPs husband has made a decision that works for him - his mom sounds like the controlling one -she wants tto decide what someone else eats for no real reason at all?

depends on the allergy sometimes its too risky if it gets on his clothes, stays in his teeth (gross but it happens), oil on his hands etc etc. Even if she was being totally unreasonable he is a grown assed man who can make his own grown up decisions and her MIL is cussing the wrong person. Imagine his distress if a kiss kills her because he didnt brush his teeth or there was residue around his lips or on his clothes etc - so easy to form opinions when you think he would agree for any other reason that it could hurt or kill his spouse lmao

As has been explained many times... SALIVA

Might surprise folks to know that the allergens can be passed on in other ways... Brushing teeth and washing hands doesn't eliminate the threat.

Are you saying he is eating away from you with his mother? If so, how does this impact your allergy? If you, seriously, have an allergy respect your husband for not eating in front of you, and let him eat what he likes with his mother.

I read the post, I too have a shelllfish allergy, when bf is in our home and around me he doesn’t eat, but when out on occasion with out me he does, brushes teeth and washes faces and hands haven’t had any issues

You're asking if you're unreasonable for asking him not to, then in comments you said it was his idea completely.

I don't think you're unreasonable to not want to take the risk either way, but it seems odd to me that you say it's his choice but for some reason his mum is having a go at you for being controlling. In what way could you be seen as controlling for him choosing to not eat fish?

Sounds like your husband should be defending his own choice and keeping his mum at bay rather than deciding whether or not it's unreasonable to ask someone not to eat fish

if your allergy is serious its not worth the risk for a fish supper surly?

What is it with the older generation getting so angry about allergies fgs. I once had my mil suggest that i give my baby, who was ige allergic to cows milk, a bit of milk. They described it as codswallop. They also got angry that i never come to visit them in their house where they have dogs, cats and years of dust and all of which i am highly allergic to and was told by my gp not to go in to houses with animals but all this wasn't enough for them. Id be tempted to tell your mil where to go.

My daughter in law has all sorts of phobias about food. She strictly controls what my son is allowed to eat. He must really love her to put up with it. That or he's just so down trodden he can't stand up for himself. He's not allowed to see his own family at any time over christmas. It used to really break my heart but now, after 15 years, I count my blessings that I don't have to deal with her over Christmas To be fair he always was easily manipulated by others. Plus she IS very controlling and inclined to throw big hissy fits if she doesn't get her way. A very spoiled only child in my opinion. Either way, its not my business unless or until my son makes it my business. Til then I can't interfere.