Asking partner not to eat food I’m severely allergic to ?

Your MIL is being a dick.

MN commenters are so weird at times.

Your husband sounds lovely and supportive of you ❤️

It sounds like she's the one being controlling, if she wants to choose what he has to eat.

My DP also hasn’t eaten shellfish since we’ve been together. In theory he could eat it when he’s not with me and avoid kissing until out of his system but he doesn’t want to chance it. Totally his own decision. He now just tells people that we are both allergic to eat!
Its someone’s life versus a fish supper - OPs MIL is being very unreasonable!

Why are people even asking stuff like, can you not just avoid kissing and sleep in separate beds for 24 hours? OP has an allergy that could kill her. If my husband had an allergy that could kill him if I ate certain foods, I would simply never eat that food again. However small the chance that I could kill him - I wouldn't want to be the one that killed him. How would you live with yourself?

Her partner is happy to give the foods up, she didn't ask him to - of course mil is being unreasonable. It's none of her fucking business. If she's eating out with her son and she has fish and he has chicken, SHE'S the controlling one for wanting to eat the same thing.

I cannot imagine ever being so desperate for fish and chips that I would be willing to risk the health of my life partner or decide that I would sleep in a different room just to gratify the urge. And I definitely wouldn't do it because my mum wanted me to. DP sounds like a decent man and she sounds like a controlling lunatic. Who in their right mind insists everyone has to have the same from the chippie and texts their DIL to complain when their adult son demurs and supports her?

I don't understand why its a big deal that he "must" eat fish/seafood! If my dp had this allergy I would never take the chance.
If he has to have to have fish then he stays away from you for at least 24hrs.
Mil is an ignorant twat!!

Yes.
Bizarre.

Sounds like she’s the controlling one saying everyone has to eat the same as her.

It's nice to hear of a MN DH who is making choices that prioritise his wife's needs.

You've got a keeper, despite his batshit mother. (Who knew that DH and I have been doing our chippie dinners wrong for 25 years 🤷‍♀️)

I’d find it very difficult to speak to her again after that text - she knows full well what your situation is and specific allergies but wants to drive a wedge. Unpleasant to say the least.

Surely he shouldn't actually be around mil while she's eating fish either!?!?

Agree with this. How fucking ridiculous. So if he wants plaice and she fancies haddock would she throw a wobbly.

MIL is being absolutely ridiculous- is she always this much of a twat?

It sounds like some weird power play of her wanting him to choose her over you.

This.
it’s a small price to pay for your safety . If he had a child with an allergy this severe , everyone would be saying don’t eat it, and moaning how it’s hardly life limiting not to eat fish.
tell mil it’s his choice and she should butt out . You could die for gods sake. It’s hardly a little thing.

Sorry MiL, he’d rather not kill me or sleep in the spare room.

People get so hung up on this stuff. If the man has a craving I’m sure they can figure out a way for him to indulge.

can you imagine the terror of worrying you are going to make the person you love sick or die by touching them? You lean in for a kiss while worrying that it will kill them? So sexy, so romantic. Exactly what makes me feel connected.

MIL is being irrational and unfair and frankly toxic. Number one rule of being a decent human is don't kill anyone. She needs to get over her desire for performative togetherness. And how dare she put that above not killing you?

God @mermaidproblems you are SO controlling not wanting food in your house that could kill you.

I'd reply to MIL... I haven't told partner what he can and can't eat. He chooses not to eat food that could potentially kill me. If he wants to eat them then that's fine but he then needs to follow cross contamination procedures for my safety, and he would prefer not to.

Big red flag on MIL

My dad (who I am NC with) says that he doesn’t give a shit about anyone’s allergies and it’s natural selection.

She’s being controlling. It’s up to him what he eats

This is my favourite party fact being a Brazil nut allergy sufferer, it's the only known allergen to pass through semen..... bet you never saw that on murder she wrote!!!

My husband had to change every single personal care product because of my allergies. If his doctor prescribes a topical medication, he has to make sure it is allergen free for me. He has to avoid kissing or touching me for a few hours after eating certain foods, though he hasn’t had to give them up entirely.

i definitely appreciate the changes he has made, but they aren’t that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.

Your mil is very selfish. Your dh is avoiding due to your allergy, not because you are insisting he doesnt eat them so you are not controlling at all. You have a dh that wants you to be safe, very normal.

His mother is controlling for trying to insist he eats fish.

I'm allergic to Brazil nuts, nobody in my household eats them because of me, one kiss after eating them could kill me, washing hands really well works, tooth bruising does not, it may still be on their breath, stick in their teeth, on their lips. Nobody questions it, I don't expect them to actively check ingredients as i do but I do need them to avoid them. I'm fairly keen on living tbh and apparently my family want to keep me around so they are very reasonable! Your MIL is being v v v unreasonable! Your other half is doing right by avoiding fish.

Ha ha ha. Send your MIL that message, and then see what a reaction is! 😆