Asking partner not to eat food I’m severely allergic to ?

Not unreasonable at all when you are that sensitive to traces of it.

When I was at University my housemates girlfriend was similarly sensitive to eggs. He stopped eating them and I wouldn't cook them if she was visiting or staying over. It's just not worth the risk or the worry.

I'd just reply and say "I'm sorry that you feel that I am being controlling. My severe allergy to fish is life threatening and this is a decision your very lovely son has made of his own accord so that I don't end up in hospital. Again.
You have raised a really fantastic man and I am lucky to have him"

And then see if she has any come back 😜

How long have you been together?

Really??

What if op @mermaidproblems is severely allergic... If he had a tiny amount of fish in his lips and kissed her and she had anaphylaxis and died??

Is that controlling?!

I've been around people that even if the allergen is in the air - they have to use an epipen...

Allergies are real!!

I actually wouldn’t know what to reply to a message like that from my MIL. So I wouldn’t reply at all. Your allergies are none of her business, your boyfriend can handle his own mum. I don’t see where you come into this

It's your MiL being controlling here, and pretty nasty.

I would be tempted to reply along the lines of "I don't make him do anything, but as he loves me he does try not kill me. I would thank you for raising a lovely, considerate man, but it seems that must have come from elsewhere." However, that's a bad idea. Ignore it. Just block her number so she can't message you again.

Your DP is doing what he needs to. It's a shame he has such a sorry excuse for a parent, but he seems to be resilient and has not let it make him unreasonable.

You're not at all unreasonable, you've had previous anaphylactic reactions requiring epi and hospitalization from him cross contaminating. Anaphylaxis is a major medical deal and could kill you and it's a nasty way to go.

My husband had a couple food allergies, one to one of my favorite foods. I didn't eat them unless he was away on vacation.

Your MIL is either ignorant or doesn't care if you die. Nutjob, and be very, very careful around her. Some people try to prove that allergies aren't real by exposing people to their allergens.

OP I have a severe allergy to nuts, shellfish and sesame. I think your DPs mum can do one. He’s not a child and can make his own decisions. Tell her to sod off.

I do think this is OTT though, him never having it.

Your title says you asked him rather than him making the decision off his own back so that might be confusing people.

Unless you have a severe food allergy you have no idea of how stressful it is if you have a partner who wants to eat these foods. Only you know the severity of your reaction and your partners mum can just do one quite honestly. It comes down to trust. if they have these foods you have to trust that they will wash thoroughly, maybe shower, clean their teeth thoroughly etc. and why risk it? my partner knew about my severe allergies from the very start and I made it clear what was and wasnt acceptable because literally IT IS a matter of life or death. we didnt ask to be allergic, we arent being difficult, its not a bit of an upset tummy if we come into contact with them, its death. and sometimes epipens arent enough.

My PIL were like this until they actually saw me having a reaction. they were absolutely horrified, scared and just couldnt believe how stupid they had been. fortunately I was ok in the end but they realised that this wasnt a fad, it was proper life or death.

He sounds very sensible!

But honestly it’s his choice, you’re not making him not have it, he’s decided it’s easier not to have it at all than to avoid close contact with for 24 hours. And it makes sense.

His mum is the one being controlling! She can’t force him to eat fish. Lots of people don’t eat things they have previously liked.

Hra is a grown man capable of making his own decisions and he should be telling his mother this.

Do not reply show him the text and he should be the one to reply

I'm glad he's at least tried to deal with it by explaining to her.
I'd ignore/delete the message to you and continue to let him deal with it.
If she brings it up when you see her in person, again redirect her to her son.
How dare she send you messages like this?

He can't have the chips though.

DS1 and I are allergic to shellfish. DS2 and DH eat them when we are away, but not on a day we get back. There's a 24 hour gap.

I don’t really understand the AIBU here, tbh.

1. It’s clearly not unreasonable not to want a severe allergic reaction.
2. It’s clearly not unreasonable not to want to give someone a severe allergic reaction.
3. It’s clearly not unreasonable for DH to have chosen to avoid a situation that gave you a reaction on a previous occasion,
4. Since it’s his choice, you clearly aren’t being controlling.
5. Having to have the same meal as someone else is clearly bonkers and unreasonable.

So, no, you aren’t being unreasonable. But why on earth did you think you were and need to ask opinions from the internet?

I bet your MIL is one of the "Nobody had any allergies in my day!" type people 🙄

@mermaidproblems , I have severe; life threatening allergies to peanuts, Brazil nuts and kiwi fruit. My husband never eats them, I would react very badly if traces of them made their way onto a door handle for example. I have to live with my risk and carry an epi-pen everywhere. I take a risk every time I leave my home but my husband and family do everything in their power to not put my life at risk. My elder son is a GP and he has never suggested that the precautions we take are over the top.
My family will eat these things when they’re not going to be seeing me but my husband loves me and accepts that they can’t be part of his diet.

My son is allergic to fish and tree nuts but has to directly ingest. If you can react in the way you did by kissing your husband then she needs to educate herself. Reactions get quicker the more you’re exposed to your allergens. Awful attitude on her part. He needs to shut her down

Your MIL is fucking weird.

DD has several allergies and as a result I don’t stock any of those foods at home, even she wouldn’t personally eat them. Absolutely not worth the risk.

Op hasn’t said she stops him eating it, he made the decision for himself. It sounds like the only person with a problem is OPs MIL

Initially I thought you were perhaps being slightly uptight, but based on your updates, actually no. You seem to be exquisitely sensitive, and your DH is very sensible not to want to take the risk.

Your MIL is a tit. 💯

There will be a pie or pizza that isn’t deep fried.

She’s an ignorant, meddling woman and that message she’s sent would get zero response from me.