Asking partner not to eat food I’m severely allergic to ?

I'd give up any foodstuff on earth, no matter how much I loved it, if there was a risk I could kill my DH by consuming it, no matter how small.

Amusing that some people would rather “hold off” kissing for 12 hours just so them or their partner could have some fish from a chippy 🤣

Anaphylaxis is a life threatening condition; it wouldn’t even occur to me to feel deprived if the alternative to avoiding some specific foods was avoiding contact with my partner for 12 hours or potentially killing them.

Your MIL is being absolutely ridiculous OP. Everyone should eat the same? She’s far more controlling than you!

I think it's a bit unrealistic and unreasonable to ask him to never eat those foods just because you can't. I'm assuming u can be in a restaurant where they serve fish otherwise you would never eat out. Just don't kiss him after. My friends husband is severely allergic to peanuts but she loves them so on the occasion she eats them out she just sleeps in the spare room for the night. If he's making all those compromises for you surely you can make some for him.

My son has allergies and I hope to God that his partner would avoid the foods he’s allergic to too. I would never eat them and neither would his father.

Your mil sounds like a bitch.

If she’s severely allergic- if he kisses her even hours after she could be very ill or potentially fatal

I bet she’s one of them “well in my day no one had allergies / ADHD/ mental health” we just got on with it 🙄

You’re saying he can’t eat fish ever again? Even if you’re not there?

"Of course, MIL, understood - if you and DH chow down, though, do just remind him no sexual contact of any kind between he and I until the anaphylactic danger's passed? In the meantime, enjoy!"

This is entirely a MIL issue so hand it off to hubby. He's clearly making his own decisions based on his, and your, personal experience.

I'd just use as a(nother) lesson in when people show you who they are, believe them and, in this case, move on.

You should update your post to say the bit about cross contamination. You are definitely not being unreasonable. It could kill you! She needs educating clearly!!

If my husband was allergic to something I wouldn’t even question not eating it or having it in the house.

personally I don’t even think the amount of time you’ve been together makes any difference but the fact it’s 12 years makes me even more surprised this is a conversation!

also that your MIL thinks it’s her place to message you about what he eats. She sounds awful. She needs to get a grip and choose another food type!

DH is severely allergic to peanuts, me and the kids bloody love peanuts. Do we eat them - no of course not - It’s not worth risking someone we love for a food! She sounds like the controlling one. We do eat them out the house when he’s gone away for a few days - he is starting to get a little offended at how excited we are when he announces he’s got a work trip 🤣

sounds like she is the controlling one here

Every day is a school day. Have to say the photo on Wikipedia does it no favors

It sounds like it’s been entirely his choice to give up fish. He needs to tell his mum this.

He prefers kissing his wife to eating one option off of the menu with his mum.

Never heard of that! I'm surprised it hasn't cropped up on one of the Fife threads!

I know fancy actually WANTING to stay alive

Totally selfish

I think unless you have seen a full blown allergy reaction in progress you may not have a clue just how fast and severe they can be. Most people can imagine, although MIL clearly can’t even do that, but it’s impossible to convey to those that think it’s just a wee glitch.

I think your partner has the right approach quite honestly in avoiding altogether, he’s a keeper. His mum can do one.

Well, is she prepared to have him go to her house afterwards to wait a while, then shower, clean his teeth and change, while she washes his clothes? I know my niece ended up in the emergency room after a friend she was playing with had eaten a peanut butter sandwich several hours before, then breathed on her. Another friend had to use an epipen after touching a door handle used by someone who had just handled tuna. I don't know how sensitive you are, but she is being a CF.

YANBU op. I have a similar issue with a slightly weirder, harder to avoid allergy.

My oh made the same choice as yours. Just don't have it then there's no problem. In return he doesn't like fish so I don't eat it.

Maybe once a year he'll treat himself to my allergy foods but only if we're apart long enough for it to no longer be issue when we're back together. (And I'll sneak a fish cake!)

But as you can see a lot of people just don't get it, including your MIL. It's just not worth the effort to explain it, just let it wash over you.

Your MIL sounds the controlling one. If sh wants to have lunch with her son, why can't she just go somewhere else?

I think the bigger problem her is the way she lashed out at you.

She should take your/your partner's word for it that to be around fish makes you unwell and that he's chosen not to eat it, in order to protect you.

However, trying to play devil's advocate a bit. You said that your DP saw the result of your allergy when you first got together. Presumably he avoided fish after that.

But your MIL presumably didn't see this, so is she actually aware of what happens when you come into contact with fish? Could it be that she think you only get a mild, rather than very severe, reaction, or just come out in a rash?

If she IS aware then she's a melodramatic cowbag, who needs to educate herself.

MIL was going on about how he loved fish and he’s being deprived. He was more than happy to have a meal with her but she wanted them to have the same !

She sounds like the controlling one. I'd simply ignore her.

"He said he explained to her, she was upset as wanted to have the same as apparently when you have fish and chips everyone has the same..."
After a lifetime of eating fish and chips in various parts of the UK I've never heard of everyone having to have the same meal if it's F&C! DH quite often has battered sausage. Not a euphemism.
It's just about control on your MIL's part.
(Then she can tell everyone about your "supposed" allergy cos her DS ate it and you were absolutely fine.... whether you were ok or not. Nasty and ignorant.)