Asking partner not to eat food I’m severely allergic to ?

If he eats fish and goes home and kisses op she might - if she is very sensitive.

Yanbu.

I have a similar type of allergy and the only time DH eats my allergy food is if he or I am away for at least 3 days, and he has it on day 1.

I react mildly if there's residue on his clothes or hands and I react badly if he kisses me.

DH has gladly agreed to this and absolutely will not touch the food. Thankfully it's not the most common food.

Well it’s nothing to do with your MIL so I wouldn’t bother with that.

DH has several anaphylactic allergies, and I do eat them when I’m out of the house for the day. Eg if I’m in the office one day, I might have some nuts. But only in the morning, when I know I’ll be eating and drinking other stuff before I see him, and I’ll brush my teeth before I kiss him. It’s a bit of a faff but I’m only in the office about once a month, and I really like pistachios!

So your mil would rather risk you having a severe reaction? And what shite is this that everyone has to eat the same thing? I go to the chippy with my DH, he gets fish, I get an oversized spring roll thing.

I think that your DH’s behaviour is absolutely reasonable and normal, he loves you and doesn’t want to put you in danger. It might simpler to avoid fish, it’s not the end of the world. He naturally prioritises you. And here is the problem - your MIL doesn’t like this and by inviting him for fish and chips just wanted to make a point.
She could have nice time with her son enjoying his company and instead of it she showed that she hasn’t got kindness, understanding in her heart and respect to her son’s choices. Stupid woman.

And of course it’s not necessary for everyone to have fish and chips in a fish and chip restaurant - that’s why they have other options. We had a group meet up a few weeks ago at fish and chips restaurant and 2 of us were eating burgers - no one threw a tantrum.

She’s already explained thisishowloween , do keep up 😂 😂

Id reply to her "Pauline, im actually really shocked that you are encouraging him to eat fish and chips when i almost died from kissing him the last time, and now youre calling me controlling. I thought we got on ok, but clearly not if you want me dead".

It was his decision I didn’t tell him he had to give them up.

That's not what your OP title says

MIL needs educating on this. Perhaps she is ignorant of the consequences. You are definitely not controlling.

Make sure she is aware of the facts so she doesn't put you at risk.

I’ve seen similar posts where people have said they should be allowed to eat what they want on a plane and the person with the allergy should have an epi pen then - like that somehow makes it ok, absolutely no understanding whatsoever of the dangers.

Given the severity of your allergy and the fact you've had a reaction before to something he has eaten 8 hours prior, and it was his own decision to avoid these foods to keep you safe - yanbu.

She is the one being controlling trying to insist he eats the same as her, that's the weird thing! How have you responded OP? I hope that he has messaged her back to say its his choice, and to leave you alone and stop making a huge drama over what he chooses to eat or not!

Compromises like risk hospitalisation or even death from cross-contact - from the air or from a door handle etc??

And she says you’re controlling? Play the uno reverse card.

The onus is very much on him to explain to his own mother and make it extremely clear that this is HIS choice not to risk eating fish, rather than something you’ve imposed on him.

Oh my gosh, do people on this thread and your MIL not realise that if there was cross contamination it could KILL YOU.

I’ve found that people are so weird about allergies, and get angry at other people for having them. I’ve definitely had to call people out on it before, like someone saying it was selfish of someone with a nut allergy to travel as it meant others couldn’t eat nuts on planes. WTF! I would also absolutely give up something I loved for my partner - it would be hard but what is the alternative?

I think respond to his mother saying that you are severely allergic and it could kill you and he has chosen to give this food up because he loves you and doesn’t want you to die.

I think MIL is being VVU! You have a severe anaphylactic reaction- it could kill you! Your partner committed to you knowing this would mean he doesn’t eat the foods you’re allergic to (unless you’re away etc). Your DP needs to give his Mum an absolute bollocking, and if I were you I’d be giving her short shrift too.

But it does make a difference to her? She had a reaction from a kiss. What if he had some on his clothes or hands an absentmindedly touched her? It clearly does affect her and her DP sounds like a lovely partner who is trying to avoid this happening

Add to say that we never have peanuts anywhere in the house.

The replies on this thread are INSANE!

OP has a severe enough allergy that she carries an epi pen. No one is focusing on peanuts but just fish. I suspect because they don’t quite believe OP as it’s less common.

If we substitute fish for peanuts and OP explains (as she has) that even him if he ate them at lunch and it cross contaminated, she would become unwell (as she has previously) then asking for them not to be in the house and her DP deciding he won’t even risk eating them, seems perfectly acceptable.

But suddenly as it’s fish, everyone seems to be losing their minds

OP you are entirely reasonable and, to use that MN phrase, you MIL sounds batshit

One of my sons is severely allergic to peanuts. He has an epipen. Exposure could kill him. I don't eat anything containing peanuts. He had an anaphylactic reaction when traces of a dressing containing peanut oil was brushed on the side of his plate.

When someone has a life threatening reaction to fish, peanuts or any other trigger anyone who's going to touch or kiss them must strictly avoid that trigger.

It's not controlling, it's safeguarding and common sense.

I think this not remotely unreasonable. I had a previous partner who was deathly allergic to nuts. I never had nuts in the house and did not eat nuts at all unless we weren’t going to see each other for several days. It’s not worth the risk. MIL is an unhinged control freak.

I think how she feels about him not eating fish very much should depend on how he worded it to her - does he say “I miss fish so much, I would love to eat it with you but DW would kill me” or does he say “I’m not that bothered about having fish and I it’s not worth the risk with DW’s allergies” - either way, she can think you’re controlling but she’s crossing a line by messaging you that.

My DH has severe allergies to certain foods. I eat them when out and just don't kiss him afterwards.
It's up to him if he chooses not to eat them, not his mother.

Have you not read what the OP says about how it does make a difference to her? Or are you just not able to understand?

He's CHOSEN not to. OP isn't forcing him