Asking partner not to eat food I’m severely allergic to ?

Your bloke is a good un. It doesn't matter what anyone else's allergies are like HE has made the decision to avoid fish to protect op. His mum is kicking her toys out because they then can't have the same meal(and as someone who is coeliac and well versed in having to eat different things-she's a mardy arsed cow). If you ever have kids, watch them like hawks with her.

My cousin went into shock after somebody who had fish forgot and kissed, just a peck but on their lips.
It can be really serious. My dc's schools banned peanut butter from the get-go àas one little girl has an allergy.
Your mil doesn’t understand, and she ought to learn. Maybe she can learn from a person she believes like you and your husband bring her to an allergist appointment.
Oh that Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez film, Monster-in-Law. Don't tell her why, just invite her to see it.
https://amzn.eu/d/0gSbJD4b

Too many people on here do not have a clue about allergies and cross contamination. I dislike eating at buffet restaurants because I see people using a spoon in more than one container and then putting it back. If there’s a hint of fish on that spoon anything it’s then put it then becomes a no-no for me to eat or I’ll be vomiting and they will be calling an ambulance…and no brushing teeth and washing hands isn’t ok.

I read it that MIL and FIL ordered "safe" food and then went to waiter afterwards to add the prawns to their own dishes knowing that even being in the vicinity of someone eating or having eaten shellfish could trigger her allergy.

So they pretended to do the right thing and then added the prawns afterwards probably thinking that the friend and her DP were making a huge fuss over nothing, and to prove a point.

If you have been together for 12 years your MIL must be aware of your allergy. I think you need to speak to your husband and ask why after all this time she is saying this and / or get him to deal with it 100% . He may have said something inadvertently that she has jumped on and is now championing (probably waiting in the wings for something to be said that she could use). He needs to tell her to back off and also remind her that you are his wife and should be treated with respect. He should also ask her to apologise to you. She was totally OOO. For her I do not actually think it is about your allergy. My MIL could not fathom that we spoke together and her son actually agreed that I was right on certain things, In her time that just didn't happen. It is alien to some people. They make a big thing of it and sometimes try to make their sons feel less of a person because of it. . ( I also think it is a form of jealousy of your relationship) "A wife should know her place, how dare she expect people to stop eating certain foods. In fact you are the one who should go away for 24 hours so that your husband can have anything he wants to eat."

What? The waiter asked to speak to her on a pretext of needing to check something and then informed her that her MIL had attempted to have her poisoned??

The MIL could’ve worded it a bit differently or not message at all.. how old is your DP? 😀

Fuck me! That's absolutely atrocious.

It's scary how many people don't understand serious allergies.

I have a friend who went out with her in-laws who don't take her allergens seriously, but her DH said they wouldn't sit with them if they didn't respect her allergens in their orders because it was really that dangerous for her. We don't kiss her and I avoid shellfish/seafood for at least a day usually more before I see her.

There were at an indian and everyone ordered, the manager came over to ask if she'd go check something allergy related in their book. So she went with him and the manager said that her MIL had approached a waiter after ordering and asked them to ADD king prawns to her and her husbands curry's that they'd ordered!

They left and now they don't have contact with the inlaws. Her DH's decision.

YANBU - Why can't her son have a battered sausage!!

I agree with to. As you know people have died kissing a partner when there was an allergen eaten.
Your mil has control issues. Mentally tell her to Fo. Speak with your DH and tell him he has to be with you on this, speakbto his mother and refuse to eat anything you are allergic to which she serves to him

Show these articles to your partner, or better still message MIL if you have her number. If she still ignores it, then she probably wants you gone!
https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/diagnostic-dilemma-womans-nut-allergy-110000404.html

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34663441/

For sure, but my point is that DH knows presumably knows what is safe for him to eat (in relation to his partner's allergies) and can find a way to eat dinner with his mum safely.
If there's nothing safe to eat at the chippy MIL has in mind, they need to find a different restaurant. OP can't be blamed for being controlling, it is between DH and his mum.

I live with my adult DS who has severe food allergies to multiple allergens (EpiPen etc...) When he was a teen his consultant told us it's important that he learns to live in a environment he can't control which to be honest I find very difficult. In theory we should eat what we want and he ensures he doesn't eat what he is allergic to. In practice we largely avoid having stuff in the house he is allergic to but occasionally we do have something in the house he is allergic to.

I do think a partner probably has to avoid allergens assuming there is physical closeness. I just think it's too risky for you.

Unless it's all cooked together. Even a veggie option to avoid fish contamination may be a risk for peanuts. This will depend on the extent to which OP has to avoid the allergens.

Wouldn’t it be nice if everybody had a spare room…

If you want a village, you have to be a villager.

You can flounce out the group because the hospitality has dried up, or you can start somewhere. Invite a couple of the people, individually, for a coffee - pay for the coffee if you can - see how it goes.

Just caught the bit where she wanted them to order the same thing at a restaurant. That is honestly super bizarre. Even without allergies surely that’s one of the best things about eating out - that everyone can have what they like?

maybe it was one of those sharing things? My husband and his parents get these massive shellfish platters when I’m not there. Made for multiple people. That’s the only thing that makes any sense.

ironically that makes her sound incredibly controlling.

Your husband hit the nail on the head, and his mother is bonkers. Would she make people eat fish even if they didn't like it for the sake of this made-up rule?

Understandable right?

Anyone would be allergic to such an unreasonable woman who is sending unpleasant texts to her DIL and trying to dictate what her adult son eats for no good reason.

People have died because they kissed someone who has eaten a food t that they weren't allergic too. It's be asking you mil what HER problem is

He can't have something else to eat as she likes them to have the same!! And she's calling YOU controlling?? He really needs to firmly tell her where to go. I can't wrap my head around anyone being that dense about allergies. She's a nasty bitch.

Of course you aren't being unreasonable. His mother is ridiculous and controlling, why does it matter what he does or doesn't eat when out for a meal with her? I'd just ignore the message, it's his decision and he knows the consequences so that's why he avoids it, it's not you making a decision for him.