Who is in charge of this child?

The tone of some of the posts on this thread is unpleasant. The OP was asking for opinions, not to be told to get a grip or to "get real" or any of the other unhelpful and quite rude comments.

For what it is worth, 20 years ago my 17 year old daughter went abroad with her 17 year old boyfriend. They were both nearly 18 and quite mature. I went with them to the travel agent, in case I needed to sign anything. The travel agent wouldn’t let them book the holiday without insurance and was really trying to sell them the travel agent’s own insurance. I suggested to them that they took the insurance with the holiday company they were travelling with, as it was cheaper for under 18s. The travel agent was really unhappy. She phoned the travel company to check that 2, 17 year olds travelling together, with no one else could still get the reduced rate and was told yes they could.

@wackiejeaver it game me the ick as well. it sound like "I'm the adult and therefore I am responsible for my gf who is still a child". I know he was propably was saying something like I'm over 18 and when we go out and about, you don't have to worry. But still.

Im also unclear what responsible means in this case. I assume they go out by themselves at home, so I'm unsure why they need a chaperone 24/7 in Norfolk?

My question is… if you really view this girl as a “child” why are you allowing your adult son to bring a minor on holiday? Why are you accepting of their relationship? She is 17, not 6. Get a grip.

I think the issue is that you and your DS are arguing over who is 'responsible for her' like she is an inanimate object.

I don't think either of you need to be responsible FOR her, you all need to behave responsibly.

As part of that, if you don't know her parents, I would ask for their number and just introduce myself before going. Check whether they had any issues, let them know they can contact you if necessary, and you will do the same.

Beyond that, surely it is just a case of being ready to deal with any emergency that may crop up. If you were away with friends and one was taken ill or in an accident, everyone would pitch in and help, contact family, stay with them until partner arrived etc. Surely it's just the same?

@wackiejeaver
I know it’s true in a legal sense, but referring to her as a child while talking about her adult boyfriend gives me the creeps… Perhaps that’s a “me problem”, though.

I think this might be what’s skewing a lot of replies tbh. Thst and the fact the thread title is ‘who is in charge of’ - nobody needs to be but of course OP is a responsible person in the same way she would be if the GF was 18/19/20+ thats just normal that in the event you would help another person.

The OP saying they want to do their own thing but she is responsible indicated to me, along with the use of ‘in charge’ and ‘child’ made me think she wants to control what they do, not simply be available if needed

I know it’s true in a legal sense, but referring to her as a child while talking about her adult boyfriend gives me the creeps… Perhaps that’s a “me problem”, though.

What sort of things do you think you’ll have to be responsible for? Knowing what 17-19 year olds are like, they’re all quite independent and for the most part, sensible (especially on a family holiday).

I do understand the concern for “responsibility”, but to be honest at their age, I wouldn’t really think about it at all. When my daughter was 9, we allowed her to bring a friend to our camping holiday. To be honest, I don’t think responsibility even crossed our minds. It would’ve just been a given that if something serious happened, we’d have looked after her until her parents arrived.
We did regret our decision slightly when she declared that she hated chip shop chips after we’d just paid £50 for a chippy dinner…

Not a legal adult then?

What do you actually mean by responsible? She will only need someone to consent for her if you/they are doing activities that an under 18 year old can't do without consent, and at that point her 19 year old boyfriend could be that person, unless they need an actual parent or legal guardian which you aren't anyway! Otherwise you are just talking about you feeling that she is being responsible with her behaviour, which either means you actually think she, and probably your son are likely to be taking silly risks, doing drugs or something else illegal, or having unprotected sex, or who is responsible for her is kind of not really an issue!

I'd do the same for another adult though if they were upset and potentially doing something dangerous. That doesn't mean you're 'in charge' of them.

For the record I have young adult grandchildren so I do know what teenagers are like.

you say she’s a child yet has a driving license and is more than likely sleeping with your son. Give the girl a break.

They both drive so why would they be going off on a moped? How would she get ill in a foreign country in a uk holiday?

So if she was 18 you'd leave her to it, really?? I wouldn't. If she was 17 or 20, if she was on holiday with me and alone and upset in an area she didn't know I'd check all is well.

I went on my first girly holiday to Ibiza at 17. Surely she can be responsible for herself?

Can't you even read the first post properly? They are in the UK.

I don’t know what the rules are where you are, but in hospitals in my country if this girl were in an accident and unconscious etc we would treat her adult partner as the next of kin. If they were both under 18, we would use emergency consent processes until her parents could be contacted.

His parents would have nothing to do with it unless she (or he) wished them to be present for support.

In life or limb-threatening situations we would act without any consent if needed. I can’t think of a circumstance in which we’d have recourse to her boyfriend’s parents, it’s far too tenuous a relationship.

They are in the UK

What do you think OP would be doing if the gf had an accident that she wouldn’t be doing for her if the gf was 25 years old?
Or that the DS wouldn’t be as capable of?

I was married at 17. I was a perfectly fine adult.

Obviously all you need to do is ask the girls parents if they have any issue with her and your son driving around alone sometimes. If they do not have an issue with it, then it's fine.
She's 17 so no, she's not your responsibility if her parents have allowed her to go on holiday with her 19yo boyfriend. She is their responsibility and it sounds like they've handed the responsibility over to her. Which is fine. She could technically go abd live on her own. So I don't think you need to worry beyond checking in with her parents that it's ok.

@NetZeroZealot Agreed, I’d just want a parent’s phone number in case of a true emergency. Your DS isn’t her next of kin so he couldn’t be kept informed if she was in hospital, for example.

I don’t why some posters have said that she’s an adult when we all know that she isn’t.

Firstly, they’re not going abroad.

Secondly, what do you think could happen to her, that wouldn’t necessarily happen on any other day in her life?

Abroad?
In the UK?

And so many of these "What Ifs" ... I would hope that whether at 17 now or in a few months when she's 18 that OP would do the same

If she gets hurt or abandoned in the pub or falls down a mineshaft... I expect OP to help