DH’s desire for me to play this Stepford wife role is highly misogynistic

No don’t. You’re just giving in to the guilt and it’ll be the thin end of the wedge.

I know a few vicars’ wives and the ones with their own (minds) and careers get driven mad by the misogynist assumption that they’ve got nothing better to do than to be the domestic lapdog for their husband’s job.

I don’t see the problem tbh. He wants to show you off (probably cos you’re a lot younger ) . His colleagues are possibly curious. It could be the same if it was your business.

Is your dh a little bit socially awkward? he is completely misreading and misjudging the situation.

Of you did what he asked it would probably be completely cringey. You can’t just parachute in like a grand lady distributing bounty to the yokels. Your situation, relationships, personality is completely different to the other wife’s,

I think framing this as misogyny is giving him too much credit. He’s being a bit stupid rather than sexist.

Bizarre request/expectation from your DH.
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It's definitely not an age thing, he is nearly a decade younger than me and that type of expectation is much older school.

It kind of sounds like he loves you and would like to show you off, or that he's insecure about his own ability to show his staff appreciation, or that he's cultivating a "family" vibe at work and wants you to be part of it.

Unless he has other misogynistic viewpoints I wouldn't be too annoyed. Although you are entirely reasonable to duck out.

It would be nice to show you care to the staff would it? Care about fucking what?

Most workplaces don't allow random members of the public to linger around the office, warehouse, factory or clinic just because they are sleeping with one of the senior staff.

It's bizarre and unnecessary and yes, sexist that he suggested it.

I don't know if that's the only creepy request he makes of you but I'm seeing red flags blowing all over the place.

It's not just your DH's workplace it's his business. I can see where he is coming from. Might be nice. But if you are not willing to do it then so be it. And yes, if things were the other way round it would be more unusual but it'd still be nice for a spouse to show interest in a business.

It's very performative isn't it. Honestly I could be arsed but then my husband would know better than to ask.

This is a good idea.

Why? Let him do that. He can say it's from the both of you if he wants. Has he offered to come into your work and check everyone's oil and tyre pressure for them, or buy them all a bottle of whiskey and a golf Tee?

There's a lot being banded about on here with regards to his motives for this, but to me it sounds like he's jealous of the united front his partner and wife put on with regards to the business, and perhaps you never coming in makes it look to the staff that you don't support him as much as the other wife supports her husband, he may also be wanting to show you off. Is he quite competitive/jealous usually?

You're under absolutely no obligation to do it of course, and to be honest I'd feel weird about doing it NOW he's asked anyway, as it is the opposite of natural. Does it really need both wives bringing things in and coming in to see the staff? It is a bit odd seeing as you work full time to expect you to do the same as her, but I can understand why he would feel slightly jealous of the other wife falling over herself to support the staff and husbands business.

It’s not in the least bit misogynistic, though it could be argued that it’s sexist.

I can see where he’s coming from, though - he runs a small business in a village - that makes him part of the community and I don’t see it as being hugely odd that he’s asking you to be a small part of that. You might perhaps feel you’re a bit young for that kind of thing which is fair enough but is also going to happen with this age gap.

PIL was very similar in that he ran one of the businesses mentioned in the OP and MIL was involved to a degree, think she would come to meals out, things like that. All the staff knew her.

But she wasn’t working full time or commuting, and had worked in a related filled, so it made more sense.

May be he is really proud of you and wants to show his lovely wife to the staff.

Oh cringe no! If you do this, the other woman will up it and bring in a picnic or something. I wouldn't want to get drawn into what could be perceived, or is, some weird competition.

Pop in to say hello at Christmas. Enough done.

I know its occasionally did pop in, and it was more to mark my territory. So people know i exist. Not exactly healthy but hey ho. He might see it as showing youre interested in his life. Like going to parents evening

I agree that this is about the @Dropko showing support for her husband.

Whats the harm in dropping in occasionally? It clearly matters to him. Don’t we sometimes do things that we’re not that bothered about because we love our other half and it would mean a lot to them?

If you work full time, commute and never go to this place otherwise, he must be expecting you to take annual leave to do it? And what's occasionally, two or three times a year maybe? That seems very odd to me! It's not like wanting you to pop in and say hi if you're often passing, or come to an evening function.

If he wants to show his employees they are cared for he can give them a pay rise or a Christmas bonus.

He needs to realise you are your own person, not an extension of him to make him look good to his staff.

Dh sort of followed up by mentioning that it’s nice to show “appreciation” to everyone who keeps the business going

That's his job.

I agree that he's going on about it because his partner's wife does it. The most I'd do in your position is to send in a box of goodies like luxury chocolates or posh brownies or those beautifully iced biscuits, but very rarely & not visiting the place myself.

With a team of 30, I can guarantee no one is going to "appreciate" you coming in to give them all a metaphorical pat on the head. I strongly recommend your DH gets himself some management training if he thinks wheeling in the wife is an incentive to staff.

He sounds ridiculous. But you need to say no very firmly because when you prevaricate he isn't interpreting that as a no, he's hearing maybe.

I don't know about this one really. The thing is when you run your own business, especially a relatively small one, it does become an extension of you. Sort of like a second family (sorry if that sounds twee). But it is true. I don't think for one minute you should be popping in all the time with cake, but it wouldn't hurt to show your face sometimes if your DH would appreciate it. Especially as you say he hasn't got any other rigid, old fashioned views. I'd say the same if you asked him to pop into your small business. Marriage is a partnership and sometimes we all need to compromise or do something to make the other person happy - just because.

Gosh thad sounds tedious. My husband owned a business and I’m qualified and have worked in the same profession as him and we have worked together in other companies so technically I could go into his work and even work there but why would he want that? And why would I want that? And he certainly wouldn’t want me dropping off cookies for his staff.

There is some need there with your DH @Dropko that this visiting his place of work would fix for him, maybe some kind of insecurity around his colleagues wife paying more attention or something but he could also choose to look at himself to fix it rather than looking for you to fix it for him.

I think he’s trying to keep up with the image that his business partner gives off. It is probably much appreciated by the staff though. Perhaps you could pop in with shop bough cakes (if no time to bake) but only every 3 or 4 months? If you’re really against it then don’t- if it’s really important to do why hasn’t he mentioned it to u before now?

I agree. And it is sexist because no one ever expects a Lord Bountiful to do it.

I remember this sort of thing happening when I was much younger and just embarking on work life. I am really surprised that it still goes on in 2025.