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AIBU?

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DH’s desire for me to play this Stepford wife role is highly misogynistic

279 replies

Dropko · 15/10/2025 15:31

I recently married dh. He is 44 and I’m 31 so there is a bit of an age gap which I think may be part of the problem. We had quite a quick engagement so we are still adjusting in the early stages of our marriage.

Dh co-owns and co-runs a business. Think dentist or vet surgery. There are roughly 30 people who work there.

I really have no need to ever go in. It’s located in a surrounding village that I never need to go to.

Anyway, dh has said it would be nice if I occasionally dropped in and said hello. I said “what for” and DH said it would just be nice to show I care to staff. Given the nature of the business the work can be emotionally draining. But I don’t see how my presence will help in the slightest. Dh gave his business partner’s wife as an example. I personally could never constantly be dropping in the way she does. She’s always baking for the staff and doing coffee drop offs. It’s just not me. She’s also a housewife whilst I work full time and commute into London several times a week. Even if I didn’t work it’s not my personality to be like that. If I was going in I might bring in a treat if it was Easter or something. But I never go in.

I’m a bit miffed. If it was the opposite genders no one would expect the husband to go in and play nice. It’s really bizarre to me. Dh says I don’t want to come across stuck up! Or am I being a bit rude?

My friends say he should buy the staff muffins if he’s so concerned

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 15/10/2025 15:44

Good for you op.

Filofaxforlife · 15/10/2025 15:43

This is deranged and my DH much older than me and would not want this. It’s not an age thing.

OverlyFragrant · 15/10/2025 15:38

Basically I think he wants to feel a bit loved, in public, even if performative. He wants to feel like you care about him during the day and this is the way of showing it.

HoppingPavlova · 15/10/2025 15:36

I have never once gone in to DH’s workplace. Fair enough he has never owned his workplace but even if he did, that’s his bag, not mine! It’s a bizarre expectation. Ask him when he’s coming in to your workplace to hand out coffee’s and baked goods so he doesn’t appear stuck up, it’s no different.

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