My poor boy

Oh, OP, I feel for you. Been there, done that with one of mine who has the same. It hurts for both you and them. ETA to make it worse, they had to watch their siblings troop off to birthday parties all the time🫤.

If it helps, while those first school years were really tough in this regard, they eventually found their tribe at high school where they made up for lost time with birthday parties when most others had stopped having them as it was then ‘uncool’😝. Even now in their mid-20’s that group still all have a ‘party’ as it’s important to them. I guess they all just felt so good when they got to go to parties that it’s important to them? They still buy each other a gift as well for the birthday parties which I find sweet. This is a group of guys as well if it helps. I really wish I could have seen into the future when mine was young and I honestly believed they’d never get to go to a party that was not their own.

@Sawit12 I honestly feel for you but wonder if the 'deep down' means that at school his behaviour can be challenging? If so the party child's parent may assume that he wouldn't cope with a party or be concerned that he won't cope with unfamiliar children being there as well as his classmates.
It's a pity when there's only 12 children that the parent concerned didn't feel able to contact you to talk about it and actually ask how your child would cope at a party. But a lot of people don't know how to handle such conversations where SEN is concerned. Not making excuses as it's unkind but suggesting possible explanations. Unfortunately not much you can do though. Sympathies.

I remember the feeling well OP and I sympathise totally.
The same thing happened to my DS almost 13 years ago and it broke my heart seeing all the other kids excitingly holding their invitations and my DS was the only one without one.
All I can say is try to ride it out. Your DS will find his group and have invites aplenty in the future. Try to keep in mind that it upsets you more than it’ll upset him.

At 16 years old, my DS has a great group of mates. They go and support our local football team together, play on a football team together, kick a football around the park together (you see the theme here) go to the gym, cinema etc.

This depends on the neurodiverse child. The spectrum is broad: as the saying goes, 'if you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person'.

I had to take DC home from his leaver's party an hour early, as after a certain period of time he could no longer take the noise and sensory overload. He also hates organised entertainment like games party hosts, magicians, etc. Those are his limits, which we know and work around, but that should be something for him/us to manage rather than parents simply not inviting him to a communal event.

Thankfully the primary was very welcoming but we are finding out early (and harshly) that secondary is a whole different ball game.

Did the teacher hand them out / were they handed out in class?

If yes, definitely speak to the teacher about it. This was banned at our school as it can be horrible and make it very obvious and it's extra work and stress for the teacher.

On the flip side (I’ve got a daughter with asd) would it be kind to send him into an u familiar party environment? Would he actually be able to cope and manage?

I appreciate that this doesn’t negate the exclusion but the fall out from a neuro diverse/neuro minority child attending a whole class party can be pretty big.

I'm sure he is a caring, sweet boy. It's dreadfully sad. Unfortunately YABU because you cannot control the actions of others.

The only response I can offer is that another mum hears you, OP. It is heartbreaking when we see our children excluded or singled out for poor treatment because they are not neurotypical.

My own son is recently transitioning into Year 7 and having a very hard time. He is actively undergoing an ASD assessment and has none of his friends from primary in his form. He has already been singled out as the form 'weirdo', called 'psychotic' because of his serious enthusiasm for history, which is as single-minded as neuro-diverse people can sometimes be.

We are trying to teach him the tools to deal with this, but it's hard. Kids will home in on anything they perceive as 'different', and if parents are excluding them from party invitations at this early stage, a lot of these attitudes are clearly picked up in the home.

The child with ADHD at DC's primary has gone to a different secondary school but he was welcomed and supported by everyone in primary, including the kids, despite the fact that his behaviour could be challenging at times.

Sending a bit of solidarity your way 💐

Hugs to you OP. Will your little one be having a party?

Oh op, it's absolutely heartbreaking when your child is excluded.

It's awful as well because you know how lovely and kind and funny your boy is, and then others judge him on a few snapshots.

Make sure to take him out to do something fun on that day, and be kind to yourself too.

Was the whole class invited except for him? Without sounding harsh, you’re going to have to get used to it as your child won’t always be invited to parties and this will continue the whole way through school and life. Often there are logistical reasons (numbers and cost) that means everyone can’t be invited.

No real help but sorry this is happening.
In my opinion class parties should either be the whole class or less than half of the class. X