Partner past

He's a bloke, I'd be surprised if he could remember week numbers and other details that aren't very important.

Op I think it might be more useful to consider why it's so important to you that you're sharing all these firsts together? It sounds like you're feeling insecure in the relationship in general and are wanting to use these firsts as a way to bond him to you, but you're going to have a child together, a life together- there are SO many new memories to make together that its making me wonder why you are so very focused on this shared experience specifically? You've manipulated him into giving you more information and acted in an underhanded way and tbh its very hard to tell whether this relationship is healthy or not - on one hand, yes obviously you want a relationship to be built on a foundation of trust, however its also important that you create a dynamic where your partner can feel safe to be honest without fear of reaction or judgement (within reason). And you've obviously reacted very strongly to this and that's making it very difficult for any of us to say whether that's fair because he's not a good man and not trustworthy, or if actually he's just being human and trying to tip toe around you and not maybe doing that in the best way which doesn't in itself make him untrustworthy so far as that he'd let you down which is what I'm guessing is what's really worrying you here? I think it's great you're going to discuss it with your therapist and I wonder if it might be worth looking at some joint sessions with you and him together to help you understand each others needs a bit more.

So you think it's ok to lie to him?

As pp said, there are red flags here but they're not his.

I had a scan at 6 weeks on the NHS because of bleeding. It sounds like you're trying to find anything to pick apart with what he says.

You sound like hard work op his past is his past it has nothing to do with you.
My ex was obsessed with my past it got unbearable with him.
Every day saying something wanting every detail of the my last ex it got me confused sometimes time.
Enough was enough with it i kicked him back to the curb.
Now on the out side of it looking back he was jealous that i had a past with others.
Jealousy eats away at people in different ways.

Op you sound jealous and obsessed with his past and his ex that is nothing to do with you.

You want your pregnancy to be all firsts. He had a life before, as did you. That pregnancy ended at 8 weeks ( as far as you know. ). You either accept that and move on or you don't and you move out. You are having a baby with a man you aren't married to and who you don't trust. That's not the most brilliant idea.

What on earth does it matter?

You need serious help with your mental health.

Then please realise that you must end this relationship or your future self will be destroyed. You are already seeing a therapist so are vulnerable perhaps. He cannot change. Mine would lie for fun. Once we were out in city A, his mum phoned for a chat, he told her we were in City B. I asked why, he said what does it matter, I felt silly for questioning it. We saw his mum the following day she asked how City B was and did we enjoy. I ended up going along with his lie and he told a funny tale of a made up event on our day out. This became a story that was repeated over and over again for years. It never happened, we were somewhere else. He enjoyed the power and discomfort it caused - he could tell me that I was just as bad and had also lied to his mum.

By the end of the marriage of only 6 years, I was a shell of myself. I never knew what was real and what was not. Faked illnesses, jobs lost, friends lost due to him telling them I was avoiding them, bank accounts emptied, child's vaccination that he didn't actually attend....I had to go through my whole life and work out what had actually occurred and what he had made up.

You don’t sound mature enough to be having a baby, with anyone. Why are you having one with someone you don’t trust?

I can’t figure out what you’re actually asking about your partner and his ex and the lying because your posts are barely comprehensible.

Tbh I'd lie to you too, you sound like a fucking nightmare. Sort yourself out before you break up, and stop digging around something in his past that happened years ago and is none of your business.

Bloody hell! So you lied to him and yet you're posting about him lying?!
Your obsession with his ex’s pregnancy and whether he went to a scan is completely unhealthy. He didn’t tell you because of your reaction. You sound very difficult to live with and you’ll be pushing him further and further away at this rate.

You can usually tell when someone is going to be the jealous type

Probably plenty- because he knows who you are now, so until he makes his plans to leave he’ll keep his mouth shut.

I'm going to go against the grain here. He justified lying to have an easy life and avoid your reaction. He has told you who he is loud a clear. He values an easy life over truth and honesty.

Run a mile - I ignored similar red flags and my life was a nightmare. If there is no trust, there is no foundation to any relationship and the future is going to be miserable and you will be gas lit and think you are going mad because not being able to trust him on anything will certainly drive you mad and rightly so. This is who is is, a selfish liar.

He wasn't wrong

100% understandable from him

He's lying because he's scared of your reaction, which is a sign of an abusive relationship. Why are you badgering him about this clearly difficult and emotional experience he went through long before meeting you?

And why does it bother you that he had an emotional attachment to another woman before he met you? You have serious issues.

Christ, I feel sorry for your baby and your partner. What an absolute shit show this is going to turn into.

I'm not sure you should be worrying about his previous partner and their pregnancy. I think you should be thinking about whether you should continue with yours as you clearly don't trust your partner and have some serious issues that are bound to affect your child.

Okay I am goimg to say this bluntly.
.
You have an unhealthy, toxic level of jealousy so your boyfriend has to lie about normal things like being attached to a partner and having mixed emotions around an unplanned pregnancy because your issues cause you to behave in ways that are emotionally abusive.

You need professional help because these types of issues leak from romantic relationships into parenting relationships. You either treat your child with the same toxic suffocation or you model that this is what a normal relationship looks like and you teach them to also become abusive to people around them.

You are bordering on dangerous and are definitely mentally unstable. Have you ever heard of borderline personality disorder? Your behaviour reminds me of people I know with that.

This!! It was 8 years ago, it’s no wonder he’s not exactly 100% on every single detail especially when knowing you’ll leap on everything and interrogate him to a minute degree. You’re choosing to ignore or disagree with people’s experiences in having early scans which does, imo, make you somewhat of an unreliable source as to what has and hasn’t been said by your partner.
It was, to put it gently, unwise to get pregnant in such a volatile, unhealthy relationship.

Having a mental health issue doesn’t mean you’re allowed to abuse the people around you.

Get a grip before he leaves.

I would feel more comfortable giving him advice rather than you because the red flags aren’t coming from him.

He has a past, if you didn’t want someone with a past you should have found a partner that hadn’t been in a relationship.

He lied to you to prevent you kicking off, the fact he feels like that suggests you are emotionally manipulative.

You lied to him, something bigger than a white lie and that’s fine.

I had a scan at 6 weeks.