Page 8 | Autistic child attacking DD part 2

HollandAndCooper · 2025-10-15T08:14:09+00:00

Original thread here: [[https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5420774-autistic-child-attacking-dd?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5420774-autistic-child-attacking-dd?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share]] Hi Everyone, me back again looking for advice, perhaps some last minute advice as I have a meeting scheduled with the head teacher this morning. DD aged 4 has been very unwell and spent a week off school. She is really going through it at the moment. She returned to school yesterday after her time off, and I'd hoped that the boy in question would've got bored and moved on. I did have a meeting booked last week but couldn't go due to DD being poorly. well.. it turns out he hasn't got bored and moved on. It's a very small school with 20-25 per class, one class per year from reception to year 2. the event that happened yesterday, by DDs account. it was play time and DD was playing with a couple other girls in the play ground. Child in question was calling DD names like 'baby' and 'you need nappies' and announced he was going to the toilet. he came back out and proceeded to have faeces on his finger to which he wiped on her cardigan. a staff member took her to the quiet room, swapped her cardigan for one in lost property and the cardigan was handed to me in a bag on pick up. With still an evident stain on it. i have a meeting this morning. I have a copy of the safe guarding policy, anti bullying policy. I just need some wise words from MN now with what I need to say but I'm going down the route of failing to keep my child safe, and this is a huge safeguarding issue, not to mention a biohazard issue. please be kind, I'm a single parent doing my best, and she won't be returning until she is safe. so far the child has: kicked, punched, pinched, clouted her on the head with a metal water bottle, name called and taunted. And now this. she will not be going back to the school until this is sorted and there are proper sanctions in place. I am so angry and utterly heartbroken for her. She has been so poorly last week and in and out of hospital and I cannot see her broken like this anymore. i appreciate the old thread is 1000 posts but there's more information on there if needed. My AIBU is I guess to want this child excluded and put as far away from DD as possible. But I know it's not that simple. I'm at a total loss and they are failing to safe guard my child. She will not be returning until she can be safe, I'm also looking at other provisions for her now. thanks in advance.

Unpaidviewer · 17/10/2025 09:27

HollandAndCooper · 17/10/2025 09:16

😔 it's awful that the LA and government are okay with children being abused until the very last moment. And there's absolutely nothing we can do about it.

even though I'm moving her I am still making a lot of noise, making complaints and contacting governors, I'll write to the MP. But for what? More children to be failed and the higher up turning a blind eye to child abuse?

i don't know what the answer is but it's a totally broken society 😔

Show quote history

Its absolutely shocking amd honestly makes me consider homeschooling. If a child were coming into school with those injuries then they would be removed from the home and quiet rightly so. However when this happens at school you are supposed to just accept it?

Kirbert2 · 17/10/2025 09:23

HollandAndCooper · 17/10/2025 09:16

😔 it's awful that the LA and government are okay with children being abused until the very last moment. And there's absolutely nothing we can do about it.

even though I'm moving her I am still making a lot of noise, making complaints and contacting governors, I'll write to the MP. But for what? More children to be failed and the higher up turning a blind eye to child abuse?

i don't know what the answer is but it's a totally broken society 😔

Show quote history

and there are many parents of SEND children who do the same and unfortunately get nowhere as well. The vast majority of parents who know that their child can't cope in mainstream know that it is setting their child up to fail and to potentially lash out but have little choice but to go along with it because it is the only way to fight for an appropriate placement for their child.

It is awful all round.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 17/10/2025 09:20

x2boys · 16/10/2025 21:36

No the school should have done their job and ensured all the children were being safe guraded .

Show quote history

This is waaaay beyond safeguarding.

ThisOldThang · 17/10/2025 09:17

Schools should be free to easily/immediately exclude/isolate based upon safeguarding. The LEAs can then worry about their legal requirements to educate the problem children.

It shouldn't be an individual mainstream school's responsibility to provision education to violent children.

Avantiagain · 17/10/2025 09:17

"She can check his hands and enforce hand washing which all good early years settings should be doing as many 4 year olds will leave toilets with dirty hands and need reminding as they’re often learning to toilet themselves without mum for the first time."

Yes if early years settings don't do this, poo on hands is a frequent occurrence and although it is unusual to wipe it on someone else, it will be on the things that pupils touch.

Original poster

HollandAndCooper · 17/10/2025 09:16

Kirbert2 · 17/10/2025 09:13

I know. It's completely unacceptable.

The LA is only interested in spending money when they are forced to. If it is very obvious that a child won't be able to cope in mainstream, then the child shouldn't be forced into mainstream as a means of evidence that they can't cope. It's ridiculous and needs to change but unfortunately, especially with the lack of special school places, I don't see that happening any time soon.

Show quote history

😔 it's awful that the LA and government are okay with children being abused until the very last moment. And there's absolutely nothing we can do about it.

even though I'm moving her I am still making a lot of noise, making complaints and contacting governors, I'll write to the MP. But for what? More children to be failed and the higher up turning a blind eye to child abuse?

i don't know what the answer is but it's a totally broken society 😔

OP posts:

Kirbert2 · 17/10/2025 09:13

HollandAndCooper · 17/10/2025 09:09

But being kicked twice leaving bruises, being punched on her cheek leaving a mark, being clubbed round the head with a metal water bottle leaving a lump, and having poo smeared in her is abuse happening again and again. It was allowed to happen again and again. All I the name of inclusivity.'

mind blowing

Show quote history

I know. It's completely unacceptable.

The LA is only interested in spending money when they are forced to. If it is very obvious that a child won't be able to cope in mainstream, then the child shouldn't be forced into mainstream as a means of evidence that they can't cope. It's ridiculous and needs to change but unfortunately, especially with the lack of special school places, I don't see that happening any time soon.

Original poster

HollandAndCooper · 17/10/2025 09:13

Shad3away · 17/10/2025 08:13

What an utterly ridiculous post

Show quote history

It's not, and by saying that you are downplaying people's lived experiences and trauma.

OP posts:

Original poster

HollandAndCooper · 17/10/2025 09:11

x2boys · 17/10/2025 08:07

No it hasn't,but every child does have a legal right to an education and there are laws and processes to be followed I'm.not sure why some posters can't grasp that?
That doesn't mean other children should suffer though.

Show quote history

I think the legal right should be a violent child that's bullying and abusing others should have an education, away from other children.

there are many posters on here with trauma and PTSD, and scars 60 years on from PP below.

you can shout and scream that this child has a right to an education in this school, but it doesn't make it morally correct.

violence against women and girls is starting in schools, the evidence is clear. And this violent boys 'right' should not belong anywhere near children he's abusing.

OP posts:

shampop · 17/10/2025 09:09

HollandAndCooper · 17/10/2025 07:26

I'm sorry but comparing ADHD being distracting to the class compared to the class witnessing distressing abuse and someone abusing my daughter is absolutely nuts.

the 121 isn't doing her job properly you say? A 121 posted on here that she literally turned around for 2 seconds and was clubbed on the head and physically injured by a boy. Which happened in a flash. 121s aren't security. They aren't a body guard and a lot of the time these boys are stronger than them.

which is another reason why I'm moving her.

Show quote history

I think this is an unusual situation then if a 1-to-1 can’t supervise or control one 4-year-old. My son’s TA did a perfectly good job preventing any incidents, despite his low level of understanding, delays, violent tendencies and being prone to huge meltdowns. Ditto the other SEN child in his class, a girl, who could also be violent- she had some incidents before support was put in place but nothing after once she was appropriately supervised.

Also having the support in place often means they help the children develop better strategies etc etc A few years later my son is no longer violent at all (although still very delayed) and a joy to be around. A lot of this is down to his school and amazing TAs who are experienced and knowledgeable.

So once again it just seems like really poor form from your DDs school and I can absolutely see why you want to move her. This is really not a typical incident with SEN children. I doubt you will regret your decision.

Original poster

HollandAndCooper · 17/10/2025 09:09

Kirbert2 · 17/10/2025 07:58

Not without plenty of evidence which suggests they've tried everything and the behaviour is continuing and again, that isn't going to be happening after 6 weeks.

Show quote history

But being kicked twice leaving bruises, being punched on her cheek leaving a mark, being clubbed round the head with a metal water bottle leaving a lump, and having poo smeared in her is abuse happening again and again. It was allowed to happen again and again. All I the name of inclusivity.'

mind blowing

OP posts:

Original poster

HollandAndCooper · 17/10/2025 09:07

Shad3away · 17/10/2025 07:30

It’s not just boys.

Plenty of 121 s do a good job day by in and day out.

ADHD can be hugely challenging for other children to be around and can impact their education hence it appearing on Many MN threads .What I’m saying is you don’t just boot out challenging children with SEN that impact the school life of others you help and support . One day it could be your child who wants that support and understanding .

Show quote history

My daughter does currently need support and understanding. She is being abused by another child. And I am giving her exactly that.

and no doubt it's distressing to see, so the other children in the class way well need support and understanding from being around this violent boy.

OP posts:

Kirbert2 · 17/10/2025 08:24

ThisOldThang · 17/10/2025 08:04

It appears to be a countrywide school policy. The rights of violent children are placed above those of the quiet passive majority to learn in a calm and safe environment.

The education system has been taken over by people that believe the violent disruptive children are all that matters and the other kids will just take care of themselves.

Show quote history

The system is slow to get support for children who need it because it costs money and the LA will drag their heels until they have no choice. They often want evidence that a child can't cope with mainstream school which they will reject until the child actually goes to mainstream school and spends several years falling apart and in some cases, hurting other children.

This means that some disabled children are set up to fail from the start and that all children are being failed one way or another because you then get situations like the OP and her child should never have experienced what she has.

Shad3away · 17/10/2025 08:13

ThisOldThang · 17/10/2025 08:04

It appears to be a countrywide school policy. The rights of violent children are placed above those of the quiet passive majority to learn in a calm and safe environment.

The education system has been taken over by people that believe the violent disruptive children are all that matters and the other kids will just take care of themselves.

Show quote history

What an utterly ridiculous post

ThankYouNigel · 17/10/2025 08:11

ProudWomanXX · 17/10/2025 02:20

I was bullied by a feral group of boys , when I was aged 6. They decided to pick on me, I have no idea why.

Maybe because I transferred in from a local Convent School? But I had many friends at the new school.

It culminated, after a few weeks of horror in school from the start of the term, in them chasing me home on my short bit of the unaccompanied walk home alone, them throwing me to the ground in the tiny bit of scrubland on my short unaccompanied walk home alone,

(This was the 60s, perfectly normal to have a tiny bit of a walk home alone, then met by your parent, usually your Mum)

I climbed a tree but they shook me out of it, then beat and kicked me and sexually assaulted me

I had to be taken to hospital, I still have the scars.

Re the sexual assault, I didn't realise that's what they'd done for many decades, but they did, after it came to light in counclling and I checked my medical records from back then.

They were slightly older than me, 10 or so, I have no idea why they targeted me, but I'm 66 now and I can still feel the visceral terror they made me feel, 60 years later.

I honestly thought they'd kill me at the time. I still have nightmares about it.

Still have no idea why they did that to me.

I was lucky, we moved house 200 miles away that summer and my Mum didn't send me back to that school ever again, after.

She tried to get the Police to get involved, but the ringleader boy was the son of a "Prominent member of the local Community."

Enough said, I think.

Please, OP move your daughter to another school.

I’m so sorry to hear what you experienced. Children are absolutely capable of bullying and deliberate violence.

Unfortunately, too many make excuses, never gave them in the wrong and show more empathy to wrongdoers than victims. It’s ruining society.

x2boys · 17/10/2025 08:07

ThisOldThang · 17/10/2025 08:04

It appears to be a countrywide school policy. The rights of violent children are placed above those of the quiet passive majority to learn in a calm and safe environment.

The education system has been taken over by people that believe the violent disruptive children are all that matters and the other kids will just take care of themselves.

Show quote history

No it hasn't,but every child does have a legal right to an education and there are laws and processes to be followed I'm.not sure why some posters can't grasp that?
That doesn't mean other children should suffer though.

ThisOldThang · 17/10/2025 08:04

x2boys · 17/10/2025 08:00

I don't think anyone thinks that do they?

Show quote history

It appears to be a countrywide school policy. The rights of violent children are placed above those of the quiet passive majority to learn in a calm and safe environment.

The education system has been taken over by people that believe the violent disruptive children are all that matters and the other kids will just take care of themselves.

x2boys · 17/10/2025 08:00

Easytoconfuse · 17/10/2025 07:45

Did it result in her being reassured that her child was protected? No. Should she have been expected to wash another childs' faeces from her daughter's clothes? Can you not see the symbolism of that expectation? Shouldn't the boy's mother at least have been expected to clean or replace the jumper?

You speak of gathering evidence. I've been told that too, and in practice it meant that they would document continuing attacks rather than stopping them happening. I did not and do not and never will think it is fair to effectively allow a child to be harmed.

Show quote history

I don't think anyone thinks that do they?

Kirbert2 · 17/10/2025 07:58

Easytoconfuse · 17/10/2025 05:56

They can exclude him though for repeated and persistent breaches of their behaviour policy. One would hope that bullying would be against their behaviour policy.

Show quote history

Not without plenty of evidence which suggests they've tried everything and the behaviour is continuing and again, that isn't going to be happening after 6 weeks.

Easytoconfuse · 17/10/2025 07:45

Shad3away · 17/10/2025 07:18

She had a meeting.

Show quote history

Did it result in her being reassured that her child was protected? No. Should she have been expected to wash another childs' faeces from her daughter's clothes? Can you not see the symbolism of that expectation? Shouldn't the boy's mother at least have been expected to clean or replace the jumper?

You speak of gathering evidence. I've been told that too, and in practice it meant that they would document continuing attacks rather than stopping them happening. I did not and do not and never will think it is fair to effectively allow a child to be harmed.

Shad3away · 17/10/2025 07:35

HollandAndCooper · 17/10/2025 07:28

The TA can't go into the cubicle with him while he has a poo.

Show quote history

She can check his hands and enforce hand washing which all good early years settings should be doing as many 4 year olds will leave toilets with dirty hands and need reminding as they’re often learning to toilet themselves without mum for the first time .

Shad3away · 17/10/2025 07:30

HollandAndCooper · 17/10/2025 07:26

I'm sorry but comparing ADHD being distracting to the class compared to the class witnessing distressing abuse and someone abusing my daughter is absolutely nuts.

the 121 isn't doing her job properly you say? A 121 posted on here that she literally turned around for 2 seconds and was clubbed on the head and physically injured by a boy. Which happened in a flash. 121s aren't security. They aren't a body guard and a lot of the time these boys are stronger than them.

which is another reason why I'm moving her.

Show quote history

It’s not just boys.

Plenty of 121 s do a good job day by in and day out.

ADHD can be hugely challenging for other children to be around and can impact their education hence it appearing on Many MN threads .What I’m saying is you don’t just boot out challenging children with SEN that impact the school life of others you help and support . One day it could be your child who wants that support and understanding .

Original poster

HollandAndCooper · 17/10/2025 07:28

Avantiagain · 17/10/2025 07:04

"Well he has a 1:1 which the TA is stepping in as."

It doesn't sound like the TA was anywhere near him when this happened.

The TA can't go into the cubicle with him while he has a poo.

OP posts:

Shad3away · 17/10/2025 07:27

x2boys · 17/10/2025 07:24

No they dont, but alot if posters are making huge assumptions,
And also seem to think it's a simple matter of just removing a child from the school because they say so, it isn't process,s have to be legally followed and another suitable setting needs to be found all of which takes time.

Show quote history

After all avenues have been tried for a good amount of time in the setting he or she is in. A few weeks into the September term with clearly no robust 121 measures is not that.

Original poster

HollandAndCooper · 17/10/2025 07:26

Shad3away · 17/10/2025 06:23

it’s not just boys who have SENs and difficult starts to life causing aggressive behaviour and bullying.
of course schools can and do successfully safeguard other children from challenging children. They’re managing it every day.

3)you said it was only your child being assaulted.

you don’t just kick out every challenging child . AdHD is distracting for other children.You adequately provide support and find ways to move children forward.
you don’t give up on children at 4
unpleasant incidents happen in schools with 100s of children . Following discipline and behaviour procedures and consequences whilst supporting a child to improve does not normalise this behaviour
expulsion is not the answer.

Show quote history

I'm sorry but comparing ADHD being distracting to the class compared to the class witnessing distressing abuse and someone abusing my daughter is absolutely nuts.

the 121 isn't doing her job properly you say? A 121 posted on here that she literally turned around for 2 seconds and was clubbed on the head and physically injured by a boy. Which happened in a flash. 121s aren't security. They aren't a body guard and a lot of the time these boys are stronger than them.

which is another reason why I'm moving her.

OP posts: