DS hates my job

There’s a whole lot of underlying alcohol disapproval on this thread.

Your child doesn’t have the full picture, you don’t need to feel guilty, you are doing your best and have a decent balance. It’s hard though

There was a very old edition of Wife Swap I watched recently where the woman ran a pub and her DH did something else. The children were miserable, their home was above the pub and noisy. The mum said they were lucky to always have her on hand. The new wife made a rule that the husband had to do the pub in the evening and the mum and DC would eat dinner upstairs (they usually ate in the pub every day) and then sit and relax with them before bed. They were so much happier, to the extent the mum was thinking of giving it up. One of the DC hated the constant noise and people being in his home.

You’re viewing it with an adult head. He’s viewing it with a child’s head. He doesn’t like it. You can’t change his feelings.

When I was 7 I wanted us to move into a caravan and join a travelling carnival because it was something I'd seen on TV and I thought it looked cool. The point is 7 year olds don't have the first clue about family economics and these decisions.

That said I wonder if you and his dad need to work out a more consistent bedtime wind down routine so there is less of a difference between the two of you.

Then I’d suggest he gets a bloody grip of himself if having a hard working mum who attended his school events is a problem.

@DarkAutumnMornings my sons were/are happy that I'm a sahm and plead with me to never work. But...my friend, sahm as well, said her son told her he was embarrassed of her for not working like the other mums. So you see, you can't win. So you do what you have to do to take care of your family financially and emotionally and if they are not happy tell them that they will be less happy if you have no money to buy them food, clothes and treats.

How cobdescending. OP is a hardworking mum who deservs respect from everyone, including posters here and son.

I think you’re probably overthinking this a bit. He’s a kid, of course he doesn’t get the ins and outs of life and working, and he was annoyed/upset at the change of plans for bedtime, I don’t think it’s much deeper than that really. I grew up on a farm and my husband is the son of a agricultural contractor, who now owns his own contracting business, if you want to know about long hours and missing bloody everything, contracting is the way to look! My son gets a bit upset sometimes that daddy isn’t home or has to miss whatever it is but it just is the way it is. He’ll understand more as he gets older (and can kick around with dad more!)

Kids just love having their parents around (particularly the ones who do a lot with them!), DS never asked me why I didn't have a job when i was a SAHM, he absolutely loved it and I hated it when my mum sometimes had to help out in the family business. It's sad now IMO that there's often no choice but to have both parents working.

Your DS probably just doesn't appreciate how much worse things could be though, a lovely village pub doesn't sound like such a bad place to grow up and I know a few very lovely people who grew up in the same circumstances. This is probably just about routine change for him and knowing that your bedtime routine is a million times better than his dads. I really think his dad needs to up his game and make some effort tbh. He sounds a bit shit. It won't be such a blow then when you need to step in at work.

What does your DH do, as a comparable list to the one you provided of your child related interaction? If he did a nicer bedtime perhaps DS won’t be so upset. What happens on the weeeknds that you work? Is your DH hands on or are those weekends rubbish for your kids?

All 7 year olds dislike change and want their mum to themselves.

mine kicked up stink when I changed jobs and they had to do wrap around some days.

he’s not unreasonable - they’re all like that. But you can’t change your life to accommodate him.

Some people need to learn that everyone needs to pull their weight.

Again, and?

Do the pub customers come upstairs and sit with the boy in his sitting room or bedroom?

Zero issues here.

He's SEVEN. He believes in Father Christmas. He has zero concept of adult life, nor should he need to. He's tired after school and disappointed he isn't going to have a fun bedtime..thats all.

As I said I grew up on a farm and Mr Monkey above a pub. What we tend to have in common is a strong work ethic, independence and an understanding that the world does not revolve around us.

There are worse things in life than understanding at an early age what it takes to keep the family financially afloat and fed.

Is he not just venting over bedtime change

Kids get upset when things change. Could you chat to his dad about tweaking bedtime even just letting dc listen to an audiobook

I grew up in my dad’s business and dealing with customers politely from a young age. By the time I was 10, I was competent in my mum’s work. I was served by a ten year old butcher, an eight year old newsagent and five year old farmers. Friends were competent at a lot in a Chinese restaurant at a young age. And then there was the ladies boutique, the furniture shop, the petrol station and mechanic - all of which were family businesses. Staff were often in school uniform.

We all learnt, we all knew where the roof over our head came from and none of us are damaged. And, once upon a time, every pub was a family home. Preciousness is a new phenomenon.

No kid is satisfied with what they’ve got, they don’t have perspective yet. He’ll get over it and get on with it!

People telling you to change your entire lives for the sake of a kid’s bedtime routine are crazy 🤣

And when he’s a teenager he’ll probably think it’s the coolest thing ever.

She doesnt have to consider his feelings, no. This might impact on their relationship down the line though.

Sure. And some people are resentful of the impact that sort of working lifestyle had on their childhood. Especially when they are obliged to help out. It seems like the OP's son could fall into this category.

And if she changes jobs that will impact on him too.

He’s seven. He doesn’t get a say in this.

That's different to having to deal with them in your home...

@ThatSpryShaker I grew up living at my parent's workplace - a farm. Many do in all sorts of professions. Maybe you nees to expand your mind a bit and imagine how others live - often providing a service we all use.

TBH i saw my mum and dad a lot more than my friends did as they only worked a few minutes away from the house.