DS hates my job

YANBU OP but as he’s 7 he doesn’t understand the balance with home/school/work.

It's not your job he hates, it's the difference between you making him feel special at bedtime and dp just tucking him in and walking away.

He was just lashing out because he wasn’t getting what he wanted. It’s natural, he’s too young to understand. You’re taking too seriously. But maybe identify another child he knows whose mother does far less than you do with the child, so he has something for comparison.

It's more akin to living above the corner shop (which I also did, aged 4-7).

Yes, you do have the noise and bustle fairly constantly, but you could say that about living in a terraced house that have commercial shops around. It did impact on my sleep - my school reports explicitly mention that I was very tired far too much of the time.

Also, Mum and Dad were down in the bar which meant I could read after lights out, or I could sneak out of bed and watch unsuitable TV. And when we had live acts play, I could listen to them too!

The only times I was scared was when some guy got thrown head first through the front doors, and I was first on the scene, and he was pissing blood everywhere. Oh, and when I went to go in our private bathroom, and some guy hadn't noticed the sign on the door saying that it was private, and was stretched out starkers in our bath.

The main downsides that are possible if you're a kid in a pub, is that your parents get caught up in the business, and don't prioritise, or they forget to make time and focus for parenting. Which it sounds like OP isn't doing.

Mum guilt.

Tell him you wish you could do bedtime every day but ‘need to work to pay the bills - but at least i get to do tomorrow hey?’
I do, age appropriately, tell dc how much things cost and I am so pleased to be able to get paid to work to buy nice things for them. Also that they will
do the same sort of thing when they are grown up.

Tell your DH to get back into his box. Dh’s idea of bedtime was a kiss, “goodnight, sleep tight” and out. Mine had a much longer routine of kisses, cuddles and giggles. He did attempt to hurry me up at some point but learnt the error of said attempt.

DD survived us both with no loss of love or respect.

I think this is very normal for children to feel like this. I recently increased my hours which now means just one day a week I can't do pick up and they have to do it after school clubs. That's the only change and I’m there from school pick up to bed the other 4 days. Both of mine were upset about this change - particularly my oldest (a bit older than your son). I think to a child, one day or an extra evening can seem so much more than it does to us. Your son obviously really enjoys the time you spend together and the way you ‘do’ bedtimes and so will understandably feel disappointed when it doesn't happen. But while his disappointment is proportional to him and his childlike wants and needs, on an adult level, I’d say you have a good work-life balance and not to beat yourself up about it. I'd just acknowledge his feelings so he feels heard but don't let it cause self-doubt to creep in. You've got a good balance and you know that if it wasn't this job taking up your time, it would be another.

Is this really related to work? Couldn’t you do less at bedtime and DH do more so it is balanced or teach your son that different people do different things. Also share bedtimes more whether you are working or not. Maybe think about something that DH does with your son that you don’t so your son can see the difference.

He’ll be thanking you when he’s 16 and all his friends think it’s a cool place to be .. you can’t take a change of lifestyle advice from a 7 year old, bless him. Just make up an extra treat for him for being ‘grown up’ about the slight routine change. You sound like a wonderful mum to me.

Do doctors often have their patients at home until up to 11pm at night?

Rubbish

...and in this situation it's irrelevant. She could equally be a Doctor having to do an additional shift.

@DarkAutumnMornings he's 7. They're unappreciative little sods 🤣. They just have no comprehension of the ball juggling & sacrifices made etc. They just want what they want.

In this instance he wants you to put him to bed because it's more fun/takes longer. His Dad is more functional. He'll get over it. Maybe you can talk to DH & see if there's something he can do to make his bedtimes something DS looks forward to as well.

But he's 7. He kicked off, don't let it get to you. Kids take their parents/good life for granted, it's not until they're MUCH older they appreciate how good they had it.

(40's on hearing how other kids grew up!)

Oh i certainly do not disapprove of alcohol 😂

This is pretty normal OP. My kids at that age hated that DH worked and was away a lot. I remember my DS complaining -‘but he has to go every day!!’ He felt the same about school, though 🤣

They do adjust once they understand that you have to work to pay for their house and their toys. Living above a pub may also seem ‘different’ compared to his school friends, though, who have complete privacy and less noise in the evenings (am guessing thur-sat may be busy).

Perhaps some loop dream ear plugs so he’s less aware of it on those nights?

You sound like a great mum and have the support of your DH. Try not to take it personally. If it wasn’t work/living above the pub it would be wanting a puppy like his BFF or something similar!

Why is it condescending to say that living above your mother's workplace is a very particular lifestyle choice like military living?

There's taking your turn washing up, and then there is milking cows at 5am.

Depends on your parents I suppose. At the very least, you're listening to the comings and goings of a pub every single day and night of your life.

FIW lots of jobs aren't ideal. I had an office based job when my kids were little. I had to drop them at breakfast club at 8am and didn't get them back until 5.30pm. They both hated it but I wasn't going to take careers advice from two small children when it was my job that was keeping a roof over our head. I then spent all weekend driving them around to different clubs which I hated.
People saying to just move on, it's nowhere near as simple as that and OP is fortunate enough to support her family.

Just Wow at this response. He’s seven!

You are clearly doing the best you can.
Your partner, not so much.
Would it kill him to spend a little time with his child at bedtime?

This has brought back memories of waitressing at 7 as we were short staffed and fully booked, and being left in charge of the bar because Dad had gashed his hand, and Mum needed to take him to the hospital! Very different times.

As with everything, being a 'pub brat' has its ups and downs. As the owners and managers, you are always 'on', and that's just the cold hard reality for everyone involved. You are obviously working hard, OP, to make sure your child has sufficient of your time and attention, and the impact of living above the shop, so to speak, is minimised.

As a child, at bed time, they're tired and frustrated. They also know what buttons to push. Their understanding of what and why parents do what they do is often limited beyond the perception of how it impacts upon what they want, at that very moment.

I think you're overthinking this (and some PPs are being dramatic - emotional blackmail?? Come on). This is classic parent preference, and I'd be putting pressure on DP to introduce something nice/fun at bedtime that only they do.

With regard to the specifics of the pub, well only you know whether it is affecting him or not... my priority would be making sure he's never scared, so that would involve no excessive noise when he's trying to sleep, no drunk/smoking patrons outside the door when he's trying to come and go (do you have a separate entrance?), and no witnessing the aftermath of any messy nights (broken glass, cigarette ends, vomit etc). If none of those things are an issue then I don't see what the problem is with you going downstairs to lock some doors when he's already asleep - don't we all do that, i.e. in our own houses.

My nan ran a pub when my mum was a child, my mum absolutely the lifestyle. Her complaints were similar to your sons.
But honestly, parents have jobs, this is yours. All kids hate their parents working no matter what the job. Because work takes away your time. We have to work. I work full time office hours and its just as bad in a different way.
My argument to the kids is that either we work and have a home and a car and money to do nice things and food. Or we don't and struggle and have nothing.
My mum dur to her own childhood decided to be a sahm. She regrets not having a career , she got depressed and also I think now she should have worked as it would have been good for all of us.

I'm shocked the comments here that would definitely not be made if OP was a dad. OP, you are doing a great job. Your son can moan all he likes, but he'd probably moan if you didn't work or you did worked 9-5 office job and barely saw your kids.