DS hates my job

Yes it is a very specific lifestyle so some individuals might not enjoy it or thrive in it. Bear that in mind when said individuals also have no choice in the matter or they're likely to resent you.

At least be considerate that someone who doesn't have a choice in the matter doesnt like it. Even if some people enjoy the benefits

What is this bullshit? My parents ran a hotel and bar and it taught me an incredible amount of skills, working with the public, customer care, confidence - not to mention catering and serving drinks! Also poker.

Most jobs are a fucking nightmare these days - OP don't beat yourself up.

I used to wfh around school so I was there for dd1 lots, but once a year I had a week where I ran in person sessions so dh did the school runs. Dd, age 7, told me “mummy, when you leave and go to work it feels like you don’t love me!” I must admit, in my head I was a bit wtf?! But it was her perception so we chatted through the balance we had and benefits. She didn’t mention it again but I did remind her a while ago and laughed about it (she’s 17 now).

What sounds shit - having a mum that works and still does the school run and the majority of bedtimes? A mum that takes you to and from all your activities and puts you to bed most nights?

Or maybe it’s having a mum that’s around everyday for breakfast, or that works somewhere you can have your friends to play that sounds shit?

Honestly 🙄

Your short commute is perfect.
You could say we'll mummyjane has to travel one hour to her work. I am so lucky my work is here and I have free time Saturday let s go to xxxx your choice .

Wow the judgment from @ThatSpryShaker is palpable. Yes it's a very specific lifestyle. And?? No need to bang on about it, it's what it is and as long as OP and her husband are doing the best they can for their children that all that matters. People like you will always judge of course, but judgment is very easy to give. Empathy not so much.

OP, your son is probably expressing regret you won't be there at bed time and I would try and see this as a good thing. He loves you being there at bedtime, he misses you and want to spend time with you. That's great evidence that he loves you and wants the most time he can get with you. All very normal. Your DH doing bedtime is also an opportunity for dad and son to do things together (even if what they do is different to how you would do things). They also need to bond and have time for their own relationship away from mom. All of this is very normal and I would see this as an opportunity that you are giving your son and his dad the time to do things together without you. Every child needs to have a relationship with both parents.

And try and ignore the judgment, it's not helping you in any way, it's not adding anything constructive or helpful to your life. You are doing the best for your child, remember that.

I think lots of children hate their parents' jobs, whatever they are. My parents were teachers and we lived at the school and I felt like they always prioritised other children over us (it was their job, so.... ) I used to watch Eastenders and wished they ran a pub. Seriously. Now I'm a writer, and my DCs complain that I'm always writing. You sound like you've got a really good balance - but your DS poss won't recognise that until he's older.

In what way?

You are doing fine and are pretty present

He's 7 though, he's not unreasonable, it's that he has a tiny frame of ref and it's all about him.

Humour him, be firm, don't apologise and crack on

I don’t think either of you are unreasonable. What does your DP do from a parenting perspective?

Ridiculous. You're picturing a rough city centre boozer no doubt.

Plenty of women raising families in gorgeous pubs, with homes attached far beyond what they could afford without the job attached.

Most live in pubs with multiple bedrooms are not city centre, there are heaps of country pubs with this set up, it's more common there in fact.

why?! Many jobs wouldn’t be able to attend all events, do pick ups and bed times

You are working hard and doing your best, OP.

That said, my two younger brothers lived in a pub after I moved out and my parent's lives took a turn. They hated it so much, for years. One of my brothers told me that he never felt as though his house was a real home, and how much he hated the feeling that people were always around.

Some kids might love it, but I've seen how sad my brothers were in that situation, and how powerless they were to change anything.

I'm sorry - that doesn't help, but I feel that your DS is really communicating something profound to you.

I’m with him actually. It sounds absolutely shit.

If you had a different job he's be disappointed that you couldn't pick him up from school. I have an office job and you see your child more than I see mine. I can normally pick up once a week, this week I can't do that, and they are sad when it's not me dropping them off.
However its fine, they have to understand we are earning a living and have to go to work. Not everything in life is perfect and the way we want it. My dad worked away 70% of the time when I was a child, I didn't like it. Now as an adult I can see he was doing it to provide for us, it made him sad that it made us sad I'm sure, but he was just doing his best. Your son will know looking back you did your best.

I can’t vote there because I think you’re both NBU.

One thing that comes to my mind is to be careful on how you word things.
If each time you can’t do something with your ds you tell him ‘i have to go to the pub/work’ then ofc his conclusion is that the pub is the issue.

Instead, id have a chat with him about how disappointed he is that you’re not doing bed time. And it’s ok to be disappointed.
id have a chat to your DP to ensure he is at least doing a story before bed (it’s be good both for him and your ds anyway)
And then stop using the pub as an excuse/a reason why things have to happen in a certain way. You can just tell him that ‘daddy will put you to bed tonight’. No warning 3 days ahead if it was a big issue. I’m pretty sure your ds isn’t counting the number of times his dad puts him to bed (unlike you?). If he asks why, just explain that you and dad are a team. Both mum and dad put their children in bed. That’s normal. That’s what a family is like.
You don’t need an excuse to not be putting your child to bed yourself (even if it reflects the fact you need that the ‘excuse’ to convince your DP to be a parent and do bedtime??)

This is in no way intended to be critical but DH and I used to be involved in running a pub which wasn't ours, we did it as a favour to the landlord. Living in a pub is a very unusual life and we didn't enjoy it even though we only did it for brief periods. I can see why people of any age would find it difficult but don't know what you can do about it.

I think you might have a bit of a dh problem. If he loved his time with dad, he wouldn’t mind you not being there, because he would be getting attention from his other parent. The pub might be a bit of a red herring.

A pub is not a good environment for children to be brought up in. Time to move on now your DS has noticed.

And why not?
Its a village pub, not a rough town centre one thats always getting raided!
I had a school.friend whose mum and dad had the Red Lion in our village when I was growing up. No issues at all. Incidentally, I used to be jealous as her living space and bedroom was massive!

I have always worked shifts and ds didn't like that.
Kids will always complain about something. Op is being consistent and available, I cant see a problem with running a pub with a family.

What does your dp do when he gets home from work?

People live all sorts of different lives and as long as children are cared for, it's fine. It sounds like your son lives at the centre of a lovely community.

People live all sorts of different lives and in every single one a seven year old will find something to complain about! He's learning he can't have you all to himself, and he should be learning that because you belong to yourself as well as him.

So many people being unfairly down on pub landlords here! As a kid, I had quite a few friends who grew up above/behind pubs (rural life for you), and I don't think it did them any harm. No different to growing up above the shop, on the farm, at the vets, in a B&B, etc. Lots of people's job is tied to their home in some way.

OP, DH told me last night that DS (nearly 6) asked him why DH was doing so many bedtimes. He's done one this week and two last week while I had work/social commitments. I get "so and so's mummy doesn't work and picks them up every day" quite a lot. I remember saying to my DM, who worked in a pub in the evenings, "you're never here!" She dropped us off and collected us every day from school! She couldn't have been more present.

Kids are wonderfully and necessarily selfish about this stuff. Your kids will learn a lot about the world from where they are growing up. No one has it perfect, but I think you're doing a good job.

Get "how to talk so kids will listen and listen..."
Use some of tge techniques
Just listen acknowledge and talk about what yould he like to do on your next free time..does he want to choose cinema or bowling? Walk or swimming? Give him something else to think about