Page 3 | DS hates my job

DarkAutumnMornings · 2025-10-15T06:27:49+00:00

I run a pub, it’s a full-time job. We live above the pub, so I appreciate it’s difficult to escape from. DP (father of our 2 kids) works outside the pub 8-4 Mon-Fri. We have a toddler and a 7 year old. I’m with our kids from 5/6am till school run every week day. I do 100% of school runs (breakfast club twice a week). I attend 100% of school events. I do school pick up 99% of the time. Occasionally another Mum will pick up DS7 and drop him home for me if I’m busy. DS7 goes to three clubs a week, I take him to all of those most of the time, again sometimes some shared lifts. I do 5 out of 7 bedtimes on a normal week, sometimes only 4. Once toddler is in bed, I spend an hour and a half to 2 hours with DS7. Sometimes this time can be interrupted if I need to check or help out on something. Weekends are variable, but we usually have every other weekend free to go out somewhere. No parties are missed. I told DS7 last night I had to work an extra evening this week so DP would put him to bed 3 times this week. DP bedtimes are quick and functional. Mine are long winded (I know, but DS and I enjoy it). DS7 was so upset with this news, he said I’m always working, he hates our house, he hates the pub. This isn’t the first time. I explained if I didn’t do this I’d have to have another job and that might stop me from doing school stuff etc. He doesn’t see the Mums that aren’t on the school run, he’s 7, he thinks everyone’s house is like Bluey’s! I thought I had a good balance, he doesn’t. YABU - DS7 is right, this lifestyle is rubbish YANBU - you have lots of time with your kids, DS doesn’t understand adult life.

KM123456 · 16/10/2025 18:59

I remember when my kids were this age there was status among the kids for not having to go to daycare, or school after care, and having a SAHM.I had to lecture one child when he told me that his best friend's mother didn't love his best friend because she made him buy his lunch at school and didn't make him.one.
When I went to school it was the reverse. So there may be a status issue here as well. But don't worry. That will change as they get older. Imagine how cool it will be for a teenager to say he lives above a pub!
I am a working mother too.

BuildbyNumbere · 16/10/2025 18:55

ThatSpryShaker · 15/10/2025 13:10

No they don't have a choice and that's why as loving parents, we should bear in mind that our choices may not be the best for them. Or you know we can just think "fuck them, they get tea every night, their feelings are irrelevant to me".

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Easier said than done when you need to earn a living.

Libra24 · 16/10/2025 18:53

It's totally normal for kids to push back on things that don't suit them.
I think you have a child, a lifestyle, a job and you are reasonable to consider from time to time if it suits you and your children. But I don't think one outburst when he's been disappointed is really a reason to doubt your whole life

BuildbyNumbere · 16/10/2025 18:50

He’s just moaning because he wanted you to do bedtime so he’s blaming the reason you can’t … he’ll get over it when he grows up a bit and can understand.

AutumnCosy2025 · 16/10/2025 16:56

KaleidoscopeSmile · 15/10/2025 16:41

You're just fucking arguing with people for the sake of it now aren't you? You've ruined this thread

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Best we stop feeding it I think!

Original poster

DarkAutumnMornings · 16/10/2025 11:49

ThatSpryShaker · 16/10/2025 07:24

So really your husband has one job, fathering duties, and then helps you with your job running the pub....

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Yes, he’s a wonderful man. He just likes bedtime to be done quickly.

OP posts:

ThatSpryShaker · 16/10/2025 07:24

DarkAutumnMornings · 15/10/2025 18:46

He gets up at 7.30 to go to work. He comes home around 4.30 shattered. If there’s a job he needs to do in the pub he’ll do it whilst still in his work clothes. Has a coffee. Sits in the living room with us whilst the kids have tea, dozing. He has the kids for half an hour or so before little one goes to bed. Once little one is in bed, and I’m free to deal with anything, he has a bath for an hour. Says goodnight to DS7, then supervises the pub in the evening if I fall asleep on the sofa. He does his own washing on the weekend.

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So really your husband has one job, fathering duties, and then helps you with your job running the pub....

ThatSpryShaker · 16/10/2025 07:22

AutumnCosy2025 · 15/10/2025 21:59

🙄🙄🙄

he wanted his mum to put him to bed, she was working. It doesn't matter what her job is.
the other poster was right you are ruining this thread with your nonsense.

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You mean posting on it and not agreeing with you? Do you always accuse people of ruining things unless they bow down to your opinions?

AutumnCosy2025 · 15/10/2025 21:59

ThatSpryShaker · 15/10/2025 09:51

Do doctors often have their patients at home until up to 11pm at night?

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🙄🙄🙄

he wanted his mum to put him to bed, she was working. It doesn't matter what her job is.
the other poster was right you are ruining this thread with your nonsense.

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 15/10/2025 19:43

DarkAutumnMornings · 15/10/2025 18:46

He gets up at 7.30 to go to work. He comes home around 4.30 shattered. If there’s a job he needs to do in the pub he’ll do it whilst still in his work clothes. Has a coffee. Sits in the living room with us whilst the kids have tea, dozing. He has the kids for half an hour or so before little one goes to bed. Once little one is in bed, and I’m free to deal with anything, he has a bath for an hour. Says goodnight to DS7, then supervises the pub in the evening if I fall asleep on the sofa. He does his own washing on the weekend.

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I’m not going to push this any further. I think this is where the issue lies, not in what your DS thinks of your job. I hope you are able to find a way forward.

Vitriolinsanity · 15/10/2025 19:34

Kids see things purely from kid world.

My DS once complained about my job, because he hated after school club.

Fair enough DS, but on the other hand look at all the other times I’m there, the lovely holidays and trips you get to go on and love. AS club is a tiny part of the day, plus it means your reading and homework are all done so you can totally chill when you get home.

Original poster

DarkAutumnMornings · 15/10/2025 18:46

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 15/10/2025 18:31

I’m sorry OP, but what the fuck does he do with himself outside of his 8-4 working hours?!

It’s quite considerably less than ideal. It’s a pisstake. You shouldn’t have to ‘manage’. You should be able to live in a genuine partnership. You deserve better and so do your children.

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He gets up at 7.30 to go to work. He comes home around 4.30 shattered. If there’s a job he needs to do in the pub he’ll do it whilst still in his work clothes. Has a coffee. Sits in the living room with us whilst the kids have tea, dozing. He has the kids for half an hour or so before little one goes to bed. Once little one is in bed, and I’m free to deal with anything, he has a bath for an hour. Says goodnight to DS7, then supervises the pub in the evening if I fall asleep on the sofa. He does his own washing on the weekend.

OP posts:

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 15/10/2025 18:31

DarkAutumnMornings · 15/10/2025 17:53

Yep, I do about 95% of the parenting. All the clothes washing, bathing (unless toddler has a poo emergency), sick days, breakfast, lunches, admin, parents evening, homework, play dates, parties, holiday care. He’s done tea tonight for the kids, he’s stayed home once with sick child when I’d already agreed to other family commitments, and once when I was sick too. I know it’s not ideal, but I can manage.

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I’m sorry OP, but what the fuck does he do with himself outside of his 8-4 working hours?!

It’s quite considerably less than ideal. It’s a pisstake. You shouldn’t have to ‘manage’. You should be able to live in a genuine partnership. You deserve better and so do your children.

Original poster

DarkAutumnMornings · 15/10/2025 17:53

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 15/10/2025 15:21

I've just re-read your OP and your description of the hours of paid work (which also provides the family home) and parenting that you currently do.

I think you need a full re-evaluation of how you split the parenting load, tbh. You both work full time but you appear to be doing:

100% of school runs, AM and PM
Three extra curricular clubs
5/7 bedtimes
EOW
AND you still feel guilty?

I think that's very significantly more than 50% of the parenting. He needs to step up.

Edited

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Yep, I do about 95% of the parenting. All the clothes washing, bathing (unless toddler has a poo emergency), sick days, breakfast, lunches, admin, parents evening, homework, play dates, parties, holiday care. He’s done tea tonight for the kids, he’s stayed home once with sick child when I’d already agreed to other family commitments, and once when I was sick too. I know it’s not ideal, but I can manage.

OP posts:

ThatSpryShaker · 15/10/2025 16:46

KaleidoscopeSmile · 15/10/2025 16:41

You're just fucking arguing with people for the sake of it now aren't you? You've ruined this thread

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Id say the people who feel they have to attack and swear at other posters for feeling differently or having a different perspective are the ones spoiling things. Its shame that the ability to emotionally regulate when challenged isn't a more common trait around here.

So rageful and angry. It's dangerous.

KaleidoscopeSmile · 15/10/2025 16:41

ThatSpryShaker · 15/10/2025 13:19

To you.

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You're just fucking arguing with people for the sake of it now aren't you? You've ruined this thread

notacooldad · 15/10/2025 15:51

I know you said about Dh not reading but what about them snuggling up and watching a programme together in bed.
We didnt have tv n the kids bedroom and me and Dh dont have one in ours ( only because of the layout of the room) but I have recently bought a projector from tik tok shop ( you can get them from all over) and the image hoes on to the wall. Your Dh and ds coukd watch a YouTube kids programme or similar instead of a story together.

The projector goes a then way, this is of course if ds doesn't have a tv in his room.

I honestly think its not your job he hates but its the long drawn out bedtime with you he loves and he is guilting you because he knows dads bed times are functional.

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 15/10/2025 15:21

DarkAutumnMornings · 15/10/2025 15:17

Yes you’re probably right. I’ll try to suggest something. I think DP is probably mirroring his own childhood, he’s from a large family, I suspect bedtimes were short and functional.

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I've just re-read your OP and your description of the hours of paid work (which also provides the family home) and parenting that you currently do.

I think you need a full re-evaluation of how you split the parenting load, tbh. You both work full time but you appear to be doing:

100% of school runs, AM and PM
Three extra curricular clubs
5/7 bedtimes
EOW
AND you still feel guilty?

I think that's very significantly more than 50% of the parenting. He needs to step up.

Original poster

DarkAutumnMornings · 15/10/2025 15:17

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 15/10/2025 15:15

They could listen to an audiobook together. The Grimwood ones are read by Adam Buxton and are absolutely fab.

I know you've had lots of good advice but the nub of your DS's complaint is that DP's bedtimes are shit and yours are lovely. Children know when someone is making an effort and when they can't be arsed. This could be a very easy fix. Reading is only one solution and there are plenty of other ways he could show up a bit more for his child at bedtime.

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Yes you’re probably right. I’ll try to suggest something. I think DP is probably mirroring his own childhood, he’s from a large family, I suspect bedtimes were short and functional.

OP posts:

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 15/10/2025 15:15

DarkAutumnMornings · 15/10/2025 15:09

He won’t, but thank you for the suggestion. He’s dyslexic, I don’t think I’ve ever heard him read anything out loud.

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They could listen to an audiobook together. The Grimwood ones are read by Adam Buxton and are absolutely fab.

I know you've had lots of good advice but the nub of your DS's complaint is that DP's bedtimes are shit and yours are lovely. Children know when someone is making an effort and when they can't be arsed. This could be a very easy fix. Reading is only one solution and there are plenty of other ways he could show up a bit more for his child at bedtime.

QuickPeachPoet · 15/10/2025 15:11

Sorry DS, there are not job vacancies for power rangers or super heroes right now so we will have to stick to the pub!

OP you sound like a good mum trying her best, giving your son a good life. He could do far worse. Your life sounds balanced enough.
Ignore his whinging. A child can't dictate your life and career. 'that's nice dear' is a good response.

Original poster

DarkAutumnMornings · 15/10/2025 15:09

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 15/10/2025 14:41

Is there a touch of weaponised incompetence to DP's bedtimes? He needs to raise his game a bit. Find a really good book for DP to read to DS at bedtime that can become their thing. The Grimwood series by Nadia Shireen are perfect for that age and genuinely very very funny.

He won’t, but thank you for the suggestion. He’s dyslexic, I don’t think I’ve ever heard him read anything out loud.

OP posts:

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 15/10/2025 14:41

Is there a touch of weaponised incompetence to DP's bedtimes? He needs to raise his game a bit. Find a really good book for DP to read to DS at bedtime that can become their thing. The Grimwood series by Nadia Shireen are perfect for that age and genuinely very very funny.

ThatSpryShaker · 15/10/2025 14:38

notacooldad · 15/10/2025 14:36

No I'm just a woman who recognises toxic masculinity and unchecked anger when she sees it. That sort of thing gets us killed, see, I as soon as we see it in a man 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Well you need to go to Specsavers then! 😆

No I really don't think so at all.

notacooldad · 15/10/2025 14:36

No I'm just a woman who recognises toxic masculinity and unchecked anger when she sees it. That sort of thing gets us killed, see, I as soon as we see it in a man 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Well you need to go to Specsavers then! 😆