Controversial approach to Santa

No well we don't do it. I think that is a bit weird because it is really obviously a plastic toy, but I know some families get a lot of joy out of it, so why not I guess.__

I don't think it matters really. There is so much about Christmas that is great fun for children. I can see why it makes you and your sister incompatible for spending Christmas together though. For this reason I would join in with it all because it would be more important to have togetherness for me.

How daft. Elves weren't even a thing a few years ago. Why invent a lie instead of being honest?

Logic kicked in for me at an early age and I can’t remember truly believing in Father Christmas. All gifts were from a named person. We’ve continued with our own kids. Never peddled the myth of Father Christmas when they were young, but have upped the ante now they’re older. We leave a note, drinks and snacks for him. He’s the delivery service and it’s a tiring night for him. There are no gifts under the tree until Christmas Day morning and the magic is still there when everyone is finally up and we see the tree and presents together. The kids are 24, 26 and 28.

You do your own thing, don't expect others to follow.

We don't do the Elf. One of ours questioned it and DH said he put a mousetrap in the attic and perhaps that scared it off!

I was brought up not believing in Santa 👋🏻 My mum said she could never justify lying to her own children. It just meant we missed out on magic. At school we would scrunch our noses up and say “you don’t really believe all that do you? You don’t even have a chimney!” And honestly, it was all a bit sad. No one (besides, apparently, my mother) is so heartbroken or betrayed when they figure out Santa isn’t real. Most normal people understand that magic is an important and beautiful part of childhood.

In turn with my own kids, we did Santa. It was never a huge thing. They visit him, they got a present from him Christmas morning. They aged out of it all normally.

It’s fine if you don’t want to do the Santa thing b it it’s also absolutely fine for other mum’s to want to protect the magic for their children. Respect it.

You do you.

That said my mom really regrets not doing the Santa thing when we were kids as she realizes how much 'magic' we missed out on. A lot of the Santa thing is for the enjoyment of the parents.

That said, I really loved Christmas and didn't care that I was told that Santa was not real from the get go, but we still did the Santa visit and stockings. We just knew it was pretend.

I wasn't able to have kids, but if I did I would have them believe in Santa.

I grew up knowing Santa wasn't real. It was horrible being one of the only kids in the class whilst everyone else enjoyed the magic and fun of talking about Santa. I felt I missed out and felt very bitter about my parents not doing the same for me. So whilst your experience was fine it may not be the same for your children.

Whilst I agree with your kids, your rules, I would think about how it looks from your childrens point of view and when everyone is talking about Santa they might feel left out.

I have more than once had a child come home upset because ‘x says we don’t have an elf because im naughty’. My youngest thought she was bad 😡 but my eldest said, quite rightly “he can say I’m bad but I have to be kind and not tell him his stupid elf isn’t real”

I also find myself having to defend my 6 or 7 year old not believing “oh what a shame” “oh no who told her?!” as if I’ve said my child doesn’t believe in love. This is followed by “well she better not tell x” like because my kid doesn’t do Santa they must be a dick.

And you know what? The Hindu or Muslim at our school dont seem to get this shit. So the kids are capable of understanding not everyone does it.

Santa is literally based on Saint Nicholas.

You know you can still do all that stuff without tricking your children into believing it's real?
My kids have never been told that Santa is real and if they ask I say it's up to them to believe. I don't go out of my way to force them to believe by making fake footprints etc. But we do still put out a mince pie and carrot because it's a tradition, I did it every year growing up even though I didn't believe and knew my dad ate the mince pie! It's just fun and make believe.

My kids have stockings, presents that appear under the tree, and we have baubles with santa on I think. It's not like he doesn't exist, he's just the same nice story as elves, nisse, and all the other Christmas tales we tell around that time of year.

Some people seem to think that if you don't force your kids to believe in santa, you don't do anything fun or magical at Christmas. It's bizarre.

I’ve never made a big deal of Santa with DS because I never believed. My preschool teacher told me us a story of having seen Santa and it was so full of holes, I worked out quickly that Santa was just make believe. Didn’t bother me, I enjoyed make believe.

We‘ve always done stockings. As well as St Nicholas Day (6th December), who the Kindergarten used to search out in the forest. He enjoyed that, although quickly worked out it was the Vicar in a bishop’s costume.

We‘ve always participated, also with the Easter Bunny, but I‘ve never mentioned Santa or claimed any of it was real. Or done Elf on the Shelf. Or talked about the nice list. Or told him to go to sleep so Santa could come.

DS doesn’t believe, but enjoys the make believe. And we‘ve always had other traditions from Autumn onwards so it doesn’t all hinge on Santa.

I think expecting a small child to do that, especially around Christmas when children who do believe in Santa and will be talking about it constantly is asking a lot.

Ultimately, it really isn't their responsibility. Now, going out of their way to spoil it is completely different but simply saying that Santa doesn't come to their house because they don't believe in Santa when the subject comes up is absolutely fine.

Right, but saying that isn't the same thing as saying, "Santa isn't real."

Honestly, I do think that parents who choose not to do Santa should tell their kids that many of their friends love Santa and believe in him and that it would be mean to spoil it for them so they should just avoid talking about Santa.

Bloody awful to deny your children a lovely old tradition.

Small children are not capable of intentionally spoiling lies though. That's not a realistic expectation. If you go along with a convoluted tale, it is on you to teach your kids that not everyone shares that belief and practice.

Oh, yes, I would.

Are they also allowed to tell their friends they are ugly? Cos that's sometimes true too.

A filter that respects different beliefs and traditions is a good tool for children to learn.

Part of accepting what their friends believe is keeping quiet and not spoiling it for them.

Only if they aren't taught to understand that not every family does Santa. Of course he won't come to families who don't do Santa but he comes to families who do believe.

Well no because kids should be aware that people believe different things. I don't expect my children to lie, I also expect them to accept what their friends believe. And vice versa.

Obviously it would be spoiling if if their friends believe that Santa is real.

We don't do Santa because Santa isn't real. They are allowed to say so to their friends. Would you consider that "spoiling" it?

For instance, my dc know some children who do not celebrate Christmas because it isn't their religion.

They don't make up what Father Christmas brought them or anything; but they do ask my dc how their Christmas was. They just say they don't have Christmas or Santa coming because of their religion.

Which is not involving them in a lie.

You do you but it’s a bit odd. Won’t they question why Santa doesn’t visit them when they start school?