Controversial approach to Santa

Children don’t wither up and expire through not having Father Christmas. It’s fine.

And at reception at school he did say that Santa came to his class but that it was just Mr Noakes dressed up in a red suit cause he sounded the same. I think that’s why we told him to truth. He wasn’t fooled for a second and we didn’t want to play along that there was somehow a real guy and just loads of impersonators which just seems doubly weird. For us it wasn’t a whole big thing.

@Sirzy yeh, that’s not really OP’s responsibility though. We have Santa in this house but if another family doesn’t believe and say something to make my child question things, then it’s up to me as their parent to handle that. Either by coming clean or by giving a slightly noncommittal explanation and quickly moving the conversation on.

OP has every right to celebrate or not celebrate Christmas as she wishes.

The reality is that some children receive a colouring book from “Santa” and others receive a PlayStation, some receive the gifts under the tree and some in the stocking, some have a chimney and some don’t. There are so many variations of the Santa experience but that can just add to the mystery and magic of Christmas.

People get very worried about these sort of things ruining the magic. If you wanted to celebrate with them, at 2 & 3 I would probably just change when you give them the stocking to fit with the cousin's traditions, but you might be happy elsewhere. People will always do things a bit differently e.g. all presents from Santa, big sacks from Santa, small stocking from Santa, no Santa.

When DD was about 4 she asked about Santa. DH told her it was a lovely story. She promptly forgot this and still believes in Santa at 9. She also believes in the tooth fairy and the elf, which were traditions I didn't want to encourage, but other kids talked about them so we ended up joining in.

Is it not?

Your SIL is being completely unreasonable if what she’s doing is uninviting you from her parents’ house (is that what she’s doing?). She can’t do that, only her parents can.

Shes also worrying over nothing, I have a 3 year old who has no concept of Santa but she wouldn’t be capable of ruining it for an older child because she’s not going to say “mine didn’t come from Santa”. She wouldn’t really talk about who something came from. So it’s a non-issue this year, and next year surely your SIL’s kids will realise Santa isn’t real anyway? They’re quite old.

The only people who believe in santa are small children who've been lied to by their parents.

When did Father Christmas start being called Santa?

We never made a big deal of FC either. Not to the point of not having him visit but it was very low key, daughter knew by 3 (old soul) son maybe made it to 5. If they asked I answered truthfully in the spirt they asked.

Christmas was still special, we still did stockings (still do as adults).

Not my job to get my kids to lie to maintain a fantasy of other kid’s parents!

We had Santa but kept it minimal. The children got a stocking form Santa with little gifts like chocolate and socks. The main presents were from us. I don’t want Santa getting all the credit!

Kids do enjoy believing in Santa and the visits at Xmas time can be really fun. You don’t have to be so strict with it , you can still have a little bit of Santa fun without him being the main thing about Xmas.

How can you just ignore their questions? That’s not healthy regardless of what they ask about.

We did the same - I'm not overly bothered about santa and DH's family don't celebrate Christmas.
You absolutely can make Christmas magical without santa, I find the obsession I see on here a bit surprising if I'm honest.

However, DC1 started to pick up santa from school. We did a play along to an extent, but didn't try hard to keep them believing once they started to question it (at age 6). Didn't say outright he's not real, but just allowed him to think about it.

In our family, we do that stockings are off Santa with them being little gifts like chocolate, toy cars, that type of thing. All the other things are from us which Santa has delivered. By doing that they still have the magic of Santa, but also the gratitude that presents don’t just appear Christmas morning and a man in a red suit!

We did this. Still did stockings and presents (why wouldn’t we) but DS knew they weren’t from Santa. We initially never told him there was a Santa but people would talk about it and curiously he never asked us. Then when he was maybe 4 we spoke to him and told him Santa was make believe but some children really thought it was true so not to tell them. He never did. Hilariously he’d do a comedy wink at me when adults asked him about Santa.

i find the whole Santa thing weird to be honest. I don’t think it’s magical and very much see it as lying to your child, when they should trust everything you say. Plus how do you reconcile that some kids have Santa and some for whatever reason don’t. I also hate the whole naughty kids don’t get presents thing as there’s a multitude of reasons why they don’t (poverty, different faiths)

I think Christmas can be special and fun without it. We still do advent calendar even though we’re not religious and do all the other trappings of Christmas - stockings, presents appearing overnight etc. But he just knows those presents are from us. he’s 13 now and says he doesn’t feel like he missed out.

What do you base that on? Santa isn’t a Christian thing…

The kids will likely go to school with loads of non Christians who don't believe in santa. No one will find kids who do xmas but not Santa very weird.

What are you going to say when they're older and come home from school asking "Why doesn't Santa come to our house?"

You were unusual, most kids will ask and the world has changed since you were a kid. So what happens when they ask?

You can approach it how you want but I do think as your children get older they will become aware of Santa and you need to make sure they know not to say things that make other children not believe.

Everyone has different approaches which is why kids figure it out. Stockings only from santa in this house. At 8 and 9 will be able of the differences and probably don’t believe or are in the last year of believing anyway.

How will you manage it when they go to school? Are they the only kids Santa doesn’t bother with? Or are you happy for them to ruin Santa for their classmates?