Controversial approach to Santa

This is the exact approach my parents took with me and my brother. We did all the usual Christmas stuff and talked about Father Christmas but he was always a Christmas story figure not presented as real. Didn’t do us any harm, we both have great memories and love Christmas as adults. I’ll do the same with my own children when the times comes!

Totally agree. Our Christmases were magical and those memories have very little to do with Santa. It’s of my mum baking, the decorations going up, dressing the tree etc. I never once thought a present was from Santa. I never even noticed that Santa wasn’t really a thing in our house.

In fact I’m early 60s and I didn’t even know until this thread that stockings are supposed to be from Santa/FC 😁

This is our approach too. Little things in stockings - selection box, bag of chocolate coins, an orange and some nuts (which go straight back in the fruit bowl - it’s something my gran did with mum and she continued with us so is now a long standing family joke!). And then maybe a new pack of colouring pencils and book, some socks, a new book, a new (small) game like Dobble or similar. A pack of lip balms or a fidget spinner or hair bits and pieces - nothing extravagant. That is from Father Christmas.

We don’t actually open main presents until later in the day when we are with the rest of the family. Everything is labelled from the giver, not Santa. Usually after lunch - but the kids don’t mind because they’ve got some bits already including some
mew things to do. That way people can see the kids open their things, enjoy the delight and get thanked for them properly. And help them set up anything complicated that they bought because it ‘looked fun!’

The kids understood that Santa bought the tiny bits, but the big stuff comes from family.

Can’t you see how this is risky for other kids? “Why doesn’t Santa bring them stockings?” how would you answer that without ruining the magic? Will you tell your kids that Santa isn’t real when they eventually start asking questions? They will then tell other kids.
im glad you have lovely memories, but i wouldn’t want my little kids spending Christmas Day with your family either - too risky. They only believe for such a short time. It might be the last year for your SILs kids.

I think it's a good way of teaching children that adults do lie. I find the concept that your children should never be lied to and believe that they aren't lied to quite odd. What happens when they get to work. Do they assume that their boss means it when they say their job is safe?

No one ‘has the right’ to have Santa upheld for them either. What a silly thing to refer to anything like this as ‘having the right’.

I think the PP was referring to the fact that Christmas has become a commercialised event and is celebrated by many non Christian families, mine included.

In my experience, not being a Christian has little bearing on celebrations, even those from other religions may choose to participate in the secular and cultural aspects of the season.

You're kind of doing them out of a magical fun thing. However, it won't ruin Christmas for other DC if you teach yours not to.
One of our DCs best friends is Muslim, we got asked early on why santa doesn't visit him and we said santa only visits people who want him to. Your SIL could do a version of that saying "DC had everything they wanted from mum so didn't want to ask santa for anything"
You'll probably find your DC want to join in the fun once they start school though. Ours ended up excited about the easter bunny which I never did as a child, but have for them now due to school friends influence.

We've never made a big deal about FC. We do the leaving a carrot and mince pie out thing and they get their stockings filled it but all other presents come from whoever they come from and appear under the tree whenever they arrive.

SIL does the things are from who they are from but everything is magically delivered on Xmas Eve from FC. So one year they arrived at our house on the 23rd to a tree with presents under it and she still hid her bags until the next evening.

I don't think my niece or nephew noticed the difference and crucially SIL wasn't making a big fuss but was happy to let different people do it differently without being precious about the "magic".

I never believed in Father Christmas. Probably a combination of having older siblings and being a church going family where it was tricky to line up the Nativity with Father Christmas. I loved Christmas, still do, felt magical, still does. We were always told that some people believed in him and we were to keep quiet.
On a slightly different note I am delighted that elf on a shelf didn't exist when I was younger. The idea of never knowing where a creepy doll would pop up next would have scared the life out of me.

My youngest was scared of Santa ( and any other dressed up figures!) from a young age so we just said he wasn't real, it was just a person dressed up but not to tell the other children. We kept it light, gave them stockings from 'Santa' ( they always went along with it but knew it wasn't real but enjoyed the fun!) but never really talked about Santa much. They still had magical Christmas time. Also, we're Christians, so lying to our kids felt weird. Some people go to incredible lengths and get really obsessed. The youngest we could probably have convinced he was real but just lighted skimmed over, saying ' what do you think?' if asked. Do whatever is right for your family but respect others choices.

Presents from Father Christmas in the morning (little things in a sack) Main presents under the tree in the afternoon

FC/Santa has a delivery schedule to keep to 😉
If you're not asleep by the alloted time, he has to deliver to the living room.

I’m so fed up of people pushing this BS of THEIR vision of what is ‘fun and magical’ and ‘childhood’. Get over yourself.

Me and my sister grew up without the ‘magical Santa myth’. My dad was a Santa-for-hire every Christmas in our town and beyond, so we cottoned on pretty quick. I have no memory of actually believing in Santa.

Christmas was still magical and special. I loved it for so many reasons – choosing and decorating the tree with mum, baking together, helping my dad wrap the presents, all my family coming over, Christmas films and music, the brilliant Christmas dinner. Always was a magical time and I still love it.

Look outside your very narrow box.

We used Santa as a symbolism of magic of Christmas.
Was fine.
They never told anyone Santa didn't exist because what he symbolised did exist in our house. They are thriving teens, still love panto, stockings and everything that is wonderful about Christmas.

We did used to take them to see "Santa" honestly was the worse Christmas outing we did. So we stopped in the end.

(Watching The Muppets Christmas Carol every Christmas Eve last thing as is tradition in this household has helped considerably with their GCSE text)

You don't need Santa, but if you do decide to completely dismiss it you need to work out how not to spoil the magic of Santa for other families. That's just basic manners.

My childhood Christmases were magical and very traditional but there was very little emphasis on Santa/FC. We knew the presents were from our parents and we never left out milk and carrots or anything like that. It was the same for my children.

I had a real problem about lying to my children so I thought it best to just not put any emphasis on him.

Your sils kids will.be hearing other children say santa isn't real by 8 or 9

In my experience the golden age is sort of 3 to about 7 or 8.

My kids did enjoy the magic til the end of primary but I wouldn't have minded them knowing the truth by 8

I think any different approaches would be difficult to deal with. Im very fortunate that both DH and my family tradition is FC delivers and gives stockings/sacks at the end of the bed only. Presents under the tree are from people and added to the collection as and when they arrive.

We both have very fixed views that this is 'correct' too, so we dodged a bullet there. 😅

Isn't it? Santa is a major part of a major cultural event here. Google plays along. All the tv channels play along. I appreciate everyone has the right to chose to do things differently but they absolutely do not have the right to ruin it for others.

This. Your kids are too young at the minute so this doesn't seem relevant but it will be.

We had Santa when I was young but Mom and Dad always told us they bought the presents, he just delivered them. My magical Christmas memories are of family time, exciting toys and decorations. We chose not to do Santa and my 3 kids (19, 17 and 14) all say they are glad as it's awful to lie to kids and who wants a creepy old man coming into your house.

I find it frankly bizarre that people who choose not to participate in a mass lie to children are seen as the unreasonable ones! It is mostly used as a threat and behaviour control in my experience. Weird. I'm with you, OP. Kids can always be told that it's make believe but some children like to believe it so don't spoil it for them. Mine never told any other kids he wasn't real, just expressed distaste to me that parents lie to their kids!

I think you need to separate out the Santa of the going to see him in a shopping centre or garden centre from the experience/excitement of Christmas morning.

My kids never got much from the going to see Santa part. They knew these were helpers (and varied in quality!) and I wouldn't judge the 'magic' by these.

But the anticipation, their little faces on Christmas eve, waiting to open the living room door on Christmas morning. These are all things not replicated in the same way by anything else.

If course they love birthdays but it's just not quite the same.

My eldest is past this now and we'll still have a lovely Christmas - and he'll enjoy doing it for his little sister - but if there's a moment in time I could go back to, it would be the putting out carrots and their sheer joy.

I don't like the word 'magic', I'm not the kind of person that likes Disney, I don't even particularly love Christmas but I didn't realise how much I'd enjoy it with my own children and I feel you are missing out for no real reason, and that seems a shame.

Your kids are 2 and 3. They aren’t going to have the articulation or intellect to debunk Santa to an 8 and 9 year old. You’re all overreacting.

I see threads like this every year re Santa, 😢
Children grow up so fast and have their whole lives to face reality. Why not make their childhoods magical and fun? Not participating in this magical aspect of Christmas is more about cynicism of the adult than anything else.

Next someone will post saying there's no Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy. Right... 🙄

As you are in the minority, you have to adapt. You can't keep your children sheltered from big bad Santa forever. Having said that you have the right to go where you choose at Xmas so tell your SIL where to get off. However she has the right to allow her children to reference Santa even if your children are around.