Controversial approach to Santa

I never did Santa as a child (not part of my culture). I didn't do Santa with my children. They knew not to tell other kids he wasn't real. My children are now way older and don't care that they never did Santa. They thought it was rather cool that they knew the truth when others believed. They still had all the trappings of Christmas.

But nobody goes to great lengths to convince their DC that Mickey is real and sneaks into their house with toys. It's not the same. A child imagining that a character is real is entirely different that adults enforcing an idea of an imaginary person that visits every house in the world.

Nearly 12 and you have had to tell him. Please don't worry this will settle and he will recover from the trauma, he is not scarred for life and your relationship will recover.

OP doesn't like lying to her children, every child I have ever known has at some point believed a Disney character is real.
Think of Disneyland and Mickey Mouse, sorry to have to tell you but there is actually a human being inside the Mickey Mouse costume! 😂

I met a guy in his early 20’s who was still upset that his parents had lied to him for years about Santa. He was brought up to trust his parents always being honest with him……

I honestly feel that parents who go out of their way to force their children to believe in santa are a bit batshit and it's more about them than the child. Nobody in their right mind would go to the lengths that people do for santa, for any other character they wanted their child to believe was real.

Children have vivid imaginations and mingle real with fantasy all the time. There's no need for all the cloak and dagger stuff.

Honestly the magic never goes away. We went to Santa’s village last year and I wanted to buy something from Santa’s shop after our photo, but we needed to post it home it wouldn’t fit in the bags. I needed to check the weight and dimensions first and they didn’t have a scale in the shop. They said you can take it over to the post office and have them weigh it if you like. I said , do you want me to leave my card or something here? It was an expensive item €200 and the guy said no that’s ok this is Santa’s house. No one would steal from Santa. I was floored by how trusting they were, that they would let a random tourist take an expensive item without paying, because they know there is something magic about Santa.

i of course did return and pay for the item once I confirmed I could post it. Not that I would have anyway but i certainly didn’t expect they would just trust me!

I'm nearly 70. I still vividly remember being 7 years old and finding out that Santa wasn't real and wondering just what else my parents had lied to me about.

I know children who know full well Santa doesn't exist but pretend they think he does to please their parents, setting themselves up for a lifetime of lying about themselves to protect the feelings of others.

If I could, I'd restrict the Santa fantasy to the fairy books like Cinderella.

You are doing your children a favour.

Same thing that happened to ‘suum cuique’ and ‘to each what is due to him’.

Having just told my nearly 12 year old that Santa isn’t real, I think you’re doing the right thing. He said, “but you lied to me the whole time? I trusted you” 💔

Until I had children, I didn’t realise there was so much controversy around what Santa did or didn’t do. Growing up we got a main present and stocking from Santa which appeared on Christmas morning. Otherwise gifts were from parents and other family members. I remember the excitement as they started to arrive during December and trying to guess what they were as we put them under the tree. I do the same with my own children. That way they know who has given them gifts and can thank them.

I’ve heard all sorts of different things other families do. Some talk about sending money to Santa. Others have Santa delivering gifts from other family members or leaving more gifts at Grandparents houses. It all sounds overly complicated to me. My children are usually so excited with no toys that they don’t discuss how they arrived in great detail with other children.

This is my first Christmas with 2 children in secondary school so there is much less Santa talk in our house. This will be our first year without a grotto visit.

I don’t think your approach is unreasonable, but as the children get the school age they’ll wonder who the guy in the red suit is who everyone’s so excited about! I don’t think it’s too late to introduce Santa now in a subtle way, if you want to add a tiny bit of Christmas magic. I used to give my kids stockings ‘from Santa’ and a couple of small presents under the tree, but I didn’t see why he should get the credit for all the expensive stuff!

I mean I understand, and can see your point.However unless you wish to live underground ,or never go shopping .How do you plan to deal with singing Santa s Elves and so on? It's October, and last week at the Garden Centre. Singing Penguins ,Christmas lights, and a full on Model Railway with a mini model of the Guy in red and his workshop!

We don't "do" Santa either. If we Christmas in the UK, we have stockings but there's never a big fuss about Santa. Christmas is perfectly lovely without it.

I think parents overthink things a bit and get a bit obsessed with ‘the magic’.
Growing up I didn’t believe but still had amazing magical Christmases.
My DC had presents in a sack from Father Christmas, their cousins the same age got small stockings from Santa and other presents from their parents. While we never woke up together we all still each other on Christmas Day, have lots of fun together and nobody had anything spoilt or magic ruined.

In the US and UK, in 1773.

Oh come now, it’s a stretch of gymnastic proportions to assume that as the OP isn’t making a big thing of convincing her small DC that FC squeezes down everyone’s chimney on the same night, she must also ban reading fiction or watching Disney films 😂

I applaud your sensible decision not to lie to your children

I've never told my kid to lie about it to other kids, just that she's not to blurt it out. If another kid asks and she tells them the truth of course I would back her if someone tried to tell her off for it.

Santa is loved by many all over the world. The very idea of him beings joy and hope.
You are coming across as quite angry, so let's just agree that we have different views. 😄

Where did this horrible phrase 'you do you' come from? What happened to 'each to their own'?

We did Father Christmas but my kid had worked it all out for herself by the time she was 6 and I had always said I wasn't going to lie to her if she asked me point blank whether or not FC existed. I have been very clear with her that she's not to spoil it for other kids who still believe and she understands that and hasn't.

I am a bit surprised that you're surprised at your sister in law's approach though, OP, it can't have escaped you that some people really feel very strongly about their kids enjoying the fantasy for as long as possible.

I'm scottish and it was always Santa. Never heard Father Xmas until we moved to England. Even then it was always older people that used the term, younger people having adopted the name Santa. American Xmas films talk about Santa. Perhaps that accounts for the change in England.

Exactly. I tell my kids that god isn't real too. It's perfectly fine for kids to have their own beliefs without worrying about other people. Parents who say "oh but you'll ruin it for my kids!" are so unbelievably selfish. Do you keep your kids away from all children from other religions and cultures too, because even others that celebrate Christmas have totally different customs and traditions that don't involve santa.